Sunday, June 28, 2015

Mutual Love

Trying to take a Christmas picture, but Hannah kept giving me kisses

Sleepy Hannah resting on her favorite spot, my bed. 
Sunday morning listening to the birds.

Sisterly Love, Hannah's best friends, "Wendy Anne and Millie"

 It has been three weeks since I lost my beloved Hannah.  I have had the earthly pleasure of enjoying this beautiful creature for nine years, a gift to me by God.  I have had the most incredible journey with her during her lifetime.  Her death was quick, unexpected and most certainly painful.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would loose her so suddenly with no signs of illness.  Never did I think I could love her as much as I loved her and never did I think it would be so painful.  I loved her with my entire being and I know for certain that she loved me the same.  We knew each others soul, and yes, I believe she had a beautiful soul.  When I felt sad, she felt my pain.  When I was happy, she was overjoyed.  

It has taken me three weeks to address how much pain I am actually feeling since she died.  I believe everyone in my house feels somewhat the same, as no one speaks about her because it is just too painful.  I had her cremated and her ashes are in a beautiful box alongside a candle that I keep burning, and her paw print that is set in plaster sits next to her ashes in the entry way of my home.  One day I will bury her, but I am not sure yet of her final resting place.  Her life is a beautiful testimony of God's love for us.  God gifted me with her, at the time, I was not sure why, but as I look back, I understand that God knew what he was doing because he knew I would need someone to share my thoughts with, play with and love me unconditionally in this transitional part of my life.  She carried many of my burdens and continued to love me unconditionally everyday of her life.

Hannah was my shadow.  Everywhere I moved, walked or explored, she followed.  When I laid my head down to rest, she too laid next to me, every night for nine years, close enough that I felt her breath and felt her heart beat when I rested my hand on her chest. She ate right alongside me, sitting next to me by my feet.  She walked beside me and swam along side me in my pool.  When I was tired, she would sit and wait for me to have the energy to stroke her head.  She just knew.  She was patient, kind, loving, and polite.  This was the most amazing gift that Hannah was blessed with by God, which was her gift of "knowing" and her gift of giving back to me and to those around her.  She will be most missed.

I am numbed by the pain, but as I try to move forward, God has given me so many wonderful memories of such a beautiful dog (my 5th child).

I loved you Hannah with my whole heart and soul.  I loved you in all the big and small moments of you life.

I believe, one day, in another time and in another place, we will see each other again, and I will listen to your breath and feel your heart and we will be one again.

"Let all that you do be done in love"   1 Corinthians 16:14

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