26 and counting

Last year was our 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't celebrate. We didn't open gifts or cards or say 'Happy Anniversary". We were both sad about a situation in our lives that drew attention away from this happy day. We were contending with a situation that was holding our hearts hostage. It was a sad month. We were "putting out a fire" so to speak. The fire needed our attention more than our anniversary, so we thought at the time.



Sometimes I think I would have been a good fireman/woman in another life. I've had to put out many fires in my lifetime and lately I've had quite a bit of practice.



This year ny husband and I celebrated 26 years of marriage, plus an additional 4 years of dating (30 years we have been together). We opened each others cards from last year on our anniversary this year. It was kind of weird opening cards that sat on our desk for a full year, but I believe we needed to revisit that moment in our lives that demanded so much attention.



We went to eat at a restaurant that has outdoor seating, very casual and a little place where kids can go and play in the sand outdoors. Of course we didn't take our kids and they certainly wouldn't play in the sand at their ages now, however we feel comfortable in a setting like this were we can go and relax and just plain be ourselves. No pretenses. We didn't plan it either. We both came home from work and said 'lets go get a bite'. I think deep down we were afraid we were going to loose this day as well if we set ourselves up with the planning. My heart was still healing from the previous year. We weren't sure how to go forth and make up an anniversary especially when we missed the number 25 and here we were at 26. Do you pretend you didn't miss it or just move to number 26? I didn't get him a card this year because he still hadn't opened his card I had given him on our 25th. Was the message the same? I couldn't even remember what I had wrote and as it turns out he couldn't either. Everything was out of order. But we laughed at the idea. and the mix up, a year later.



Love is a funny thing I guess. We are constant in each other's lives. Our love has been challenged many times. We've even gone the route of counseling, not speaking for weeks at a time and we actually endured not speaking to each other for almost a month. Anger got the best of us. I think God did us both a favor by humbling our lips. Too much could have been said that didn't need to be said and God saved us from the possible demise of our marriage. Not speaking for a month was a lot cheaper than going to a counselor, but I also believe it was a lot harder. Some may say we took the high road and got off easy by not listening to each other and dealing with issues. I think we needed time. Love is constant!



My husband bought me a card on our 26th anniversary. I did not buy him a card. My husband bought me flowers. I didn't buy him flowers. My husband bought me gifts. I did not buy him any gifts. My husband said he understands because he loves me. I love my husband.



In 26 years of marriage we have......
1. 4 children
2. we've lived in 11 homes
3. sickness beyond belief
4. been a member to 7 different churches due to moving
5. lived in three states.
6. mourned the death of family members
7. had too many jobs.
8. 26 Christmas'
9. 26 Easter's
10. Many blessed friendships
11. 26 birthday cards
12. 26 anniversary cards
13. too many fish
14. 6 dogs
15. 2 cats
16 2 birds
17. 21 cars
18. broken bones and surgeries
19. vacations
20. forgiveness
21. not enough money
22. 25 tax returns
23. lots of fights
24. lots of making up
25. one missed anniversary


Colossians 3:12-17 "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And what ever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."


#26. TWENTY SIX years of LOVE!!!

On Eagle's Wings

Today I wanted to soar high in the sky and let go of all the issues that life presents. I wanted to fly like an eagle, spread my wings and soar to a distance never traveled. I am scared of heights but today I didn't want to be afraid because I wanted to do something different today and pretend I wasn't me. I was me, I didn't change, still here and no I did not ride on an eagle's wings. That was just my brain going in another direction because I didn't want to be accountable today, to me or to anyone. My life was pressing for my attention so my day was normal with the exception of the darkness.

I got home today after work and gathered my swim suit and went and swam the line. I tried to let my thoughts go, tried to pray, but there were so many things holding my thoughts captive. I thought the swim would release my mind from the hold that the darkness has on me, but it didn't happen. After the swim I went home and gathered my walking shoes and camera and went for a stroll. The only picture I felt worthy of posting was the path above. I did manage to take a picture of a dog that did his business on the path, but I am kind enough to spare you of this image. I also took a picture of a fire hydrant where the dog should have done his business, but didn't post that picture either.

Accountability: To be accountable.

I think relief is short lived no matter how you think of the word. I think we get relief from knowing that we surpassed something that had a hold on us, whether it be our minds, bodies, jobs, or just day to day annoyances. I feel it is good to be accountable to ourselves and to a special someone. Sometimes I share with my friend my difficulties in life in hopes that she will just say I am justified for having those feelings and sometimes she does and other times she puts it plain and simple and tells me to snap out of it and move on. I think today may have been one of those days I should have moved on but the darkness has a strong hold.

It is good to take inventory of our thoughts and feelings and share them with someone who will listen. It kinda helps put things into perspective and it is also cheaper than counseling. Today I thought my thoughts were unworthy of sharing. As I reflect, I think I should have shared.

After my walk I grabbed my Bible and read and read. I read Psalm 91:1 the assurance of God's protection. There is a song sung by Michael Joncas "On Eagle's Wing" that is about this verse in Psalms.

The song goes like this:

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,

bear you on the breath of dawn,

make you to shine like the sun,

and hold you in the palm of His hand.

On certain occassions we sing it at church but today I read the verse.

Psalm 91:1-6

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of Almighty,

will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God, in who I trust."

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence;

he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day,

or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destrucion that wastes at noonday.

I had an awareness of my inadequacy today. As soon as I thought I had mastered one set of my life's issues another one pops up and challenges me once again. Just when I could account for one matter and relief appears, chaos begins again. God is keeping me on my toes. He doesn't waste any time. He keeps me coming back to Him, he is trying to make me accountable. If life was easy would I go to Him as often? In answering that question, I would hope I would say yes and I do feel that I go to him each day and thank him for all my blessings, but I find that in the chaos I tend to go to him more to try to seek peace and answers and comfort. I mean, who goes to and pays for a counselor when life is grand? In the midst of these difficulties it is hard to see the blessing. I know these are blessings, in retrospect.

I know God can brighten up the dullest of gray days and I know I allowed my mind to deterioriate in the darkness today. Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow I am going to step around the dog poo, or better yet, jump over it or scoot it aside so the next persons doesn't have to deal with poo on the path.

God is the light of my path even when someone craps on it.

REWARD!!!

Not so long ago, I had several trees taken out of my yard. Our yard is not lacking trees, we have plenty, however the ones we had taken out had issues or I had issues with them. One tree was dying and the other tree was hanging over our pool continuously dropped its' leaves and bark at the bottom of the pool making a mess. We spend more time cleaning the pool than we do swimming in it. There is no guilt about the tree removal.

I hired some yard men to take out the trees. Note, I said "yard" men. They do a good job at the neighbors yard and they had all the tree climbing equipment so I figured they knew what they were doing in regards to tree removal, as well. One of my neighbors discouraged me from using them because they were not insured and my daughter thought my decision to use them was somewhat reckless. I was looking at the cost of the removal and these men were cheap.

After many prayers before and during the removal, the trees were successfully removed. I wrote them a check and off they went.

Two days later the tree men came back knocking on my door. They informed me they had lost my check. They wanted me to write them a new check. They assured me that they did not know where the check was and they really needed the money. Red flags started waving in the air. I started to think that maybe my neighbors' and my daughters' concern was justified. I did not know these men and I sure was not going to write them another check. English was their second language and we had difficulty understanding one another. They were frustrated and I was cautious! I told them I would have to go to the bank and put a stop payment on the check and wait a week before I could rewrite them a new check. They didn't understand and I didn't know how else to explain the delima that I was in, as well.

They left and I went indoors replaying their conversation in my head trying to figure out if they were sincere. My heart wanted me to just trust them but my brain said 'wait'. I waited.

The next day I received a phone call from a man claiming that he worked at a car wash and found a large check with my name on it. He told me when he would be working at the car wash the next couple of days so I could pick it up. The address he gave me did not register on my 'Garmin' and according to all calculations the address was about 45 minutes away from where I lived. If this man had my check I wanted it back. He too only spoke small amounts of English, we had a language barrier. He did not understand that he could just mail the check to me, oh no, I had to come get it according to him.

This morning my daughter and myself load up in the car and we drive to an undisclosed location. We were just aware of the vicinity of where I was to pick up the check. We stopped at many car washes and each time we stopped I had to explain to the attendant what I was looking for and to my dismay all of them thought I was a crazy. We were almost out of gas and the road was leading us no where. I think I resolved myself that I had been duped. My mind started wandering thinking maybe I was going to be kidnapped, robbed or my car was going to be car jacked. I was thinking other things too, but I am too embarrassed to write it down. Our last and final stop at the end of town was at a small car wash with two barely English speaking attendants. When I drove up and told them my situation they smiled and walked to their car. I started getting nervous. They had my check. He handed it politely to me and said 'have a great day'. That was it, 'have a great day'. Now I had almost drove 1 1/2 hours to get my check and nothing else happened except 'have a great day'. This was just too simple. Where's the action??? My imagination over imagined. I was told to just 'have a great day'?

Once I had the check in my hand I went to get some money out of my billfold and as usual it was empty. My daughter handed me $5.00 and I gave it to the man and told him to spend it on his lunch. He too looked at me like I was crazy. He just smiled and told me to have a good lunch. I tried to hand it back to him and he insisted that he didn't need it. I insisted that I needed to give it to him for helping me out of such a dire situation. We both smiled, he took the money and I left. We drove home.

Such craziness in my head. First, I thought the tree people were trying to get more money out of me and then I thought the person who found my money was tricking me. My thoughts sometimes get out of control. To much T.V. for someone who doesn't watch T.V.

I also feel I have done a disservice to the men who cut down my trees. I over reacted with my thoughts about them. My mind wandered, thought the worse and then some. Once I found the car wash where the man had the check my mind worried some more.

God promises in 1Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you".

My lesson today is that I should not have given into evil thoughts about the tree cutting men nor should I have worried about the man who handed me my check once found. If I could just give my worries up to the Lord I could have had a nice drive to my destination with my daughter today versus a frantic one.

God provides, will we accept his reward?

Movie Star Surprise

The Character/Movie Star: Me. Time of Day: 7:30am Sunday Morning Occasion: Mother's Day. Setting: my bedroom with me underneath the covers, sound asleep for the first time in two weeks, drooling, snoring, dreaming and I have not awoke for 6 1/2 hours straight. Marathon sleep for me, never happens and probably never will again. Plot: The son, three daughters, grandchild and husband think it's a good idea to wake mom from her slumber.




Scene 1: Son goes to wake father to tell him it is Mother's Day and the family should wake mom up and feed her. (Son doesn't know that mother had a HUGE bowel of ice cream at 1:00a.m. and that she is probably not hungry). Father grumbles, tosses around, groans again and slowly gets out of bed. Son continues to wake everyone else up in the house.



Scene 2: The family shuffles to the kitchen (especially husband) to make movie star/me/mom breakfast. They all whisper (mom is a light sleeper due to the many crying babies at night during child bearing years) and they make breakfast, develop a plan to wish me, the movie star, a happy Mother's Day Surprise.




Scene 3: Six people scurrying around the kitchen trying to create the perfect breakfast for their mother/wife without arguing and making a lot of noise or waking their dear mother. (I'm sure there was grumbling with everyone having their own ideas about the breakfast and what each person's part was going to be in this memorable occasion). Task accomplished. A tray filled with a plate of pancakes, syrup, butter, napkin, silver wear, creamer and sugar and cup of coffee await my surprise as they carry the tray into my room. The tray of food is followed by a bouquet of flowers (purple tulips, main character's favorite flower), along with a beautifully wrapped package. The Mother's Day surprise commences as scene 4 begins.



Scene 4: Setting: Movie Star's bedroom. A small tap on the shoulders of the movie star by her son followed by a lumpy movement under the sheets and a loud noise or rude comment by me, of course, complaining without noticing the audience of her family as to why he was waking her
up at this hour. Me, of course, is very disorientated, probably from the drug induced coma of her ice cream a few hours prior, not sure of the intention of her son. She pulls her self free from the heavy covers of her bed and notices her whole family standing before her with gift, flowers and tray of food before her. Me, still in my ice cream stupor, not sure why the family is standing at the end of her bed, realizes that her grumbling may have been offensive to the members of her family, therefore apologizes and realizes that it is Mother's Day.


Scene 5: All family members wish me a Happy Mother's Day to my surprise. Movie Star is very confused as to how they actually pulled this little number off this morning. She is actually baffled and tongue tied, which is a first if you know anything about me.



Scene 6: A lot of hugging and kissing going on right after the gift giving and assurance that my coffee was made just the way I like it. And to my surprise, the coffee was made just right.


Scene 7: Family members leave the room feeling a sense of delight that they made their mother feel very exceptional. Me the mother is aghast, actually still in stupor or hung over from the late night ice cream and wondering if she should have any syrup on her pancakes with all things considered. Nevertheless, she eats the pancakes with syrup. Movie Star me is feeling very right with the world and is very impressed with her fellow actors that played the part in the movie on Mother's Day.



Scene 8: Movie star reflects on the days events. She is most especially impressed not so much with the gifts or flowers or breakfast, but by the fact that they each family member got up and scurried around to make me feel like a very SPECIAL MOTHER. They all played the part not just by acting, but by displaying true, genuine, and authentic love by their words and actions. This was the gift that the movie star especially liked this day of Mother's Day.


Motherhood: A gift from God. A Journey with God. Saying 'yes' to God.


Joshua 24:15 "...As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."



The End

Graciously Giving

Babies are innocent and oblivious to our adult world. They have no worries. They are pure and simple beings. In my world, babies are gifts from God.


In my conservative and traditional way that I have been raised I could not in my own way of thinking come to believe that this child could possibly be a gift. After all, my daughter is not married, has not completed college and is now living at home. How could this situation possibly be happening to our family. Why would God want to bring this child into the world without all the necessary tools or means of a mother father traditional family?


Sometimes I amaze myself into thinking that I know what God is doing when I really have no clue as to His motives. I have thrown in the towel to His thought process. I just could not imagine at the time I was told I was going to be a grandmother under these circumstance that this gift could possibly be a gift. Once again, I am wrong.


I confess I am ashamed that I had these feelings and how I allowed myself to even conjure up the thoughts of her pregnancy as being a disappointment. I feel I have insulted God to the max. The situation may not be ideal in my way of thinking, but God has another motive. He is graciously giving to my family and to the village of people that will help raise this child because it takes a village to raise a child with or without the mother father family.


God has blessed our family in a way that is unimaginable at this juncture in our lives. My daughter is a mother and a fine mother that displays gentleness and calm when caring for this blessed one as she too is blessed. This little girl angel has already touch the lives of many. She has a way of slowing us down from our busy lives so we can relish in the pleasure of her beauty.


I have had to review my way of thinking many times and this revision was huge. We make choices that change the course of our lives, some for the good and some choices need a little more correcting. Everyone in this world has had major disappointments in their lives, done things backwards and have had to start over. Some choices may have been bigger than others, but regardless, we have all made mistakes. Our bad choices that we have made might have turned us away from God, but by altering our decisions and recognizing that we need to correct these choices aligns us closer to God. We amend the mistakes and by doing so we become better persons. The first step is the acknowledgement. This isn't always easy acknowledging our choices, but if we surround ourselves by persons of faith and turn towards God we can re-establish a balance in our lives. I acknowledge I have made a mistake in my thinking. I think those thoughts no more.


When I hold this little blessing now, I can now acknowledge that my thoughts were not aligned with God. I could not see past my traditional views. I am not saying that this is an ideal situation, but I feel very blessed by this child now. I can not imagine life without her.


Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am celebrating the 4 beautiful gifts that my God blessed me with 22 years ago. I am celebrating the gift God blessed my daughter with 12 days ago. These little children are miracles, they are blessings, they are beautiful gifts from God.


Thessalonians 5:16 Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus.


We should maintain a constant heart of gratitude because God is graciously giving each day we take that breath of life.


Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.


And with that.....he graciously gives without my understanding.

To Pause

It never fails...no matter what we are doing during the day.....we wait. We wait at the stop light, we wait for a parking space, we wait at the elevator, we wait for the magical noon hour for lunch, we wait, we wait, we wait..... Sometimes we are told to wait behind the line, wait outside the building, wait for our food order, we are told to wait and wait and wait each day. The word 'wait' when directed to me sounds like a command bringing about a negative, objectionable tone to my ears. I don't like to wait and I certainly don't like to be told to wait. The word just ruffles my feathers. It's as if I do not have a choice in the matter and I am being put on hold, neglected if you will.

I prefer the word 'pause' to 'wait'. When someone says the word pause to me it sounds softer and gentle and a little less like a command. I prefer to pause. It is temporary and brief and gives emphasis of a rest. There are times while driving my car I maybe listening to a particular music selection and the music might jog a memory/feeling/emotion about a certain time, place or event. In the event that my mind wanders (which of course never happens....haha) I select the little button in my car labeled 'pause'. Now that button was not labeled 'wait' but 'pause'. It gives the option to have a brief moment. I love that button and I think the person who invented it is grand, as well!

Why do I write about the words 'wait' and 'pause'? Well, I had to wait, I was told to wait, I didn't want to wait. I waited a long 29 hours while my daughter labored through the delivery of her baby. We had to wait 9 months for the baby to grow and develop and then another 29 hours of labor. Enough is enough. We had no choice, but to wait. I didn't want to wait I just wanted her to have the baby. I know this might sound silly, but what if we said "let's pause a moment while she labors" and just maybe the baby might have thought we were not so demanding and she might have came out a little sooner and... just maybe the apprehension in the room would not have been so intense and we could have just relaxed and rested and had a baby sooner.

Waiting makes me anticipate when I can begin again.

Pausing gives me rest as we gather our thoughts and contemplate our time while pausing.

To wait or to pause?

In all things in life there are rules. Being obedient to these rules is crucial and fundamental in order to create a favorable outcome. I waited for 29 hours, I was obedient to the nurses and doctors and I tried not to show apprehension, but calm as I comforted my daughter.

Obedience must be the anchor of our faith. Our love for Christ is shown through an expression of being obedient to Him. John 14:15 "If you love me you will obey my commandments."

I knew I had to have faith in the doctors, nurses and more importantly the Lord the day my daughter was in labor. I was obedient to Him and he blessed this world with a beautiful baby girl.

My earthly father used to tell me when I was young "all good things come to those who wait".

I waited, but I would have loved to have pressed the pause button.