To Gravitate

Here's the thing..... ooops, that probably isn't grammatically correct by starting the sentence with "here's the thing", but here's the thing......

Just when I think I am going to have a day off and relax something usually gravitates toward me that changes my course for the day.

So I had the day off and I decided I was going to clean my house in my pajamas once everyone was off to school and work. Haha.... I had one home sick and another one, well, she didn't have anywhere to go so I got the pleasure to have her company as well, for the day.

I just wanted to clean my house. That was my goal. It was a big goal but, I was determined. The first hour I got busy and then my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor and I ended up going up to her house to visit for about 45 minutes in my pj's of course (she didn't mind) and I really rather quite enjoyed myself until the unexpected phone call came. It was my girls. Why couldn't they just let me be for the moment...????........

They saw two stray dogs in my driveway and they thought I needed to help them. Let me back up a bit in my story..... If there is a stray dog in the neighborhood they will not be lost for long because they always and I mean always find their way to my driveway!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My girls told me to come outside and as my friend and I did, the girls were standing with one of the two dogs on a lease in my neighbors driveway waiting for me to respond. Every blasted time this happens my heart starts racing. My girls probably know this by now because that is why they interrupted me. They know I'll take care of these lost little critters. My girls were not happy with themselves because they couldn't get the other dog on the lease because it was too scared. It ran away.

I sat on the driveway and the golden dog on the lease came up to me with its' tail wagging and literally curled up on my lap and started licking me. I've never seen this dog before. I must of reminded it of its' owner. I pet it and rubbed its' belly and let it lick me. The whole time I was praying it didn't have worms or some disgusting parasite or better yet, I was hoping it wouldn't take a hunk out of my face and start biting me. Somehow this dog knew I was going to take care of it. They all know. I don't know how this happens because sometimes I just don't want the job of the lost dog caretaker.

I have a statue of St. Francis in my front yard and I think all the animals know who St. Francis is so maybe that's why they come to my house. Maybe I'll take the statue down. Maybe not....

My girls were over anxious about the other dog that was still wandering around so we hunted it down after walking miles upon end and I finally came across it on a front porch curled up in a ball shaking. It was scared and lonely for its' people. It wanted to go home. Of course, it was on the wrong porch so we were stumped. Here we had two dogs and I had no place to take them. We took their pictures and posted them on 20 stop signs around the neighborhood with my phone number in hopes that their owner would call. I then proceeded to take them to the Humane Society to see if they would hold them until the owner claimed the prize. They would hold them for 96 hours then they faced the possibility of being euthanized. All in all, this took over four hours to secure the dogs, post the pictures and to go to the Humane Society. So much for cleaning.

I waited and waited and waited for that phone call. I got nothing done all day long. Nothing!!!!! Why me? Why did I come outside to see those furry little animals? Why, Why Why????

Finally the call came. A crying woman was on the phone wanting her dogs. She came to my house and I gave her instructions as to their whereabouts and she could not thank me enough. I was just glad she came because in 96 hours I faced the possibility of having two more dogs at my house because there was no way I was going to be responsible for letting those two precious dogs die. What a guilt trip that would be to have on my conscience. Wait a minute, why was I going to feel guilty? I did everything possible to help them. Yep, guilt. I would have had it or I would of had two new dogs added to my family until I could find someone to keep them. I really didn't want to think about that possibility.

Gravitation.... the force of attraction, a movement or tendency toward something or someone.

I think my personality always gravitates towards trying to fix things. I don't know if it is the nature of motherhood that comes out in me in these situations, you know the "mother bear" syndrome but, I can't just walk away until the situation is under control. I respond like a mother bear trying to protect her young. There are some people who might see the dogs, for instance and not think twice about it. There are times I wish I could do that but, when I see the faces of the owners finding their loved ones my heart is jumpin' with joy and it is a constant reminder the next time I see a lost dog. My girls say I did a good deed today. I remind them that they are the ones that did a good deed because they called my attention to the dogs. I think I have taught them a good thing or two.


The Golden Rule: Matthew 7:12 "Do to others whatever you would have them do to you. This is the law and the prophets.


I am not a Biblical scholar but, I do know this; I would hope that someone would help save my dogs if they got out of their fence as these two dogs did this day. I would be so sad if I lost my dogs. They are my family and I love them very much. It would have been much easier that day to let those dogs wander, possibly get hit by a car or better yet, starve. I could have gotten my house cleaned too! But I chose, hesitantly to change my course of plans for the day and let those dogs in my life. It wasn't easy and I am not patting myself on the back or giving myself kudos in public. What I am doing is admitting that I really wanted those dogs to go away. I didn't want to help. I wanted to shut the door so the situation would go away. By opening the door I helped my neighbor find her dogs and I think God knew I did not need two more dogs so he helped me do this deed. He held my hand while the work was being done, so to speak. I let him use me as his instrument. Sometimes that is not easy and I know this day I was angry because I didn't want to be used for that purpose. Letting go, letting God. Accepting............what is..............

If you haven't read the Beatitudes lately, please read them. They are beautiful! Go slowly, meditate upon each one. It is a good way to renew our relationship with God. You'll find them in Matthew 5: 1-12.

As for me, I'm back to cleaning, have a good day............

Lesson number one and two

You all know what this is called, the all infamous iPhone. I have owned one for about a year and a half too long. I'm an iPhone addict. Literally, I do not go anywhere without my iPhone. I wake up to it, go to bed with it and it spends the whole day with me. I spend more time with this iPhone than I do my family and friends.


No offense, but when I see other people with other phones other than the iPhone, I think to myself, they just don't get it. I mean who would want any other phone than the iPhone. I had to save big time to get this phone, but I believe it was every penny well spent. I've had tons of phones, particularly in the week before I was choosing the iPhone. AT&T didn't like me very well the first week before I got this phone because I tried out all other phones before I chose this one. I would buy one and return it the next day only to buy and return another one until finally I chose this baby. It is my baby too. I shine it in the morning, update it's information, give it's brains brain food by uploading information and it knows how much I love it cause I am its' companion all day.


This little black, shiny, sleek piece of metal and glass and who knows whatever else was a great temptation for the weak, which in case you didn't guess, was me.


My phone broke three days ago. Lots of my information was not saved properly, my fault for letting my children back it up improperly and I lost everything, I mean everything!!!!!


I was furious! I was angry! I was unforgiving! I just plain could not understand how this happened to me. I thought I was finally getting out from the black clouds only to discover darker ones.


My appointment with the apple store got me a new phone, thank goodness for extended warranties. Now the work begins.... adding all my information, addresses, phone numbers, emails, notes, and the like. Lots of finger exercise ahead of me. Its' going to be a long weekend. Forget the kids and the husband, I have to get my baby up and running.


Do I sound pathetic or what? Who calls their iPhone "baby"? (probably everyone that owns an iPhone). I think what really sounds pathetic is that I think I can not live without this little piece of technology. What in the world did I do before I got this expensive toy?


So, I have gathered all my information ready to load it up on my first free weekend of the month, which happens to start tomorrow morning. What a way to spend it, huh?


I've been thinking about how upset I got over my broken phone right now and the situation that I got myself into today. Maybe or probably or yes, I have been idolizing this phone way too much. I'm not so sure God would be to happy about my behavior in regards to my idolizing. Say it however you like, but I have been idolizing this phone ever since I bought it. Its' the truth. I've been a rule breaker big time. I think God needed to set me straight about this idolizing stuff. It was a big lesson in my book.


The first Commandment states: "I am the Lord your God: you shall not have strange gods before me. " Exodus 20


I believe only God is worthy of our worship. I don't believe I worship my iPhone, but I was coming pretty close. To worship someone or something means that we are putting them right smack dab in the center of our lives. I think if that someone/thing weakens our friendship with God then we've allowed ourselves to have idols. I forgot about God when I yelled at my children for messing things up. It aches my heart to think I am guilty or coming close to being guilty of rule breakin'.


We have to realized that nothing, people or things, can ever take the place of God.


Lesson in life and Rule Number One: No Idols!!!!!!!


Lesson in life and Rule Number Two: Back up your own iPhone!!!!!!

Perspective

Right now, this day, this hour when I look at this picture I see the black clouds. I see the black clouds because I feel like there is one hanging over my head, shoulders, feet and heart. It feels heavy, thick, suffocating and despair.

However, some may look at this picture and focus on the light rays shining through those dark clouds. They may feel hope, happiness, warmth and love. I guess our feelings that we conjure up after looking at this picture depends on where we are at emotionally each day. The funny thing is this picture could look different tomorrow.

Today, I feel gloom. I feel heaviness. I feel weighted down by all the baggage that is brought into my home on occasion. I am a mom and I feel responsible to fix it all the baggage and make it right for those that I love. Love is so deep and so is their baggage. Their pains, my pains, it is all the same.

Today, I am going to try to escape from the dark clouds and feel the rays of sunshine on my back. I need to practice the saying "letting go and letting God." This letting go part is hard for everyone and it is hard to admit that we all carry a sense of arrogance in thinking we are not seeing the dark clouds by our words or actions. Our emotions effect those around us, good or bad. I'm not proud of my emotions, but they are mine and I own them and I am going to try to change those today but what I really wish is that I could change the circumstances that surround them.

I have a really good friend that sent me this little meditation yesterday, how fitting considering my state. Thought I would share it.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.



"

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God... One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it.'

.....the black cloud that I am seeing today may be from the fire that I was engulfed in yesterday.

I am starting to feel warm again from the rays of sunshine.

Remember that God has his eye on you and me and He will keep watching us until he sees His image in us.

It's all about perspective...........and letting go, letting God.

Spiritually Hungry

Givin' up stuff, it's a hard thing to do especially when you don't want to give it up.



We went out to eat for Valentines with the kids last night. We just couldn't go it alone on this special day and make their valentines day dull. After all, Valentines is all about 'love' regardless if its' your mate or your kids. That's how I see this day of celebration and it was the love that made those kids. There are other days we can go it alone, but I wanted to make my kids feel special.



We walked into the restaurant and we were given many mardi gras beads to wear during dinner and to take home once finished. Their beads were unusual. The beads were not the usual color of green, gold and purple. They were fire engine red made of hearts but all the glam and glitz was just the same.



Those beads got us all thinking about Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday and the Lenten Season and the "givin' up" part of this time of year. I actually probably drew more thought about it because I'm still thinking about it as I write.



Fat Tuesday: We feast this day because during the next 40 days during of Lent we Fast. We meditate about our blessings.



Ash Wednesday: On this day a cross is traced on our forehead with ashes and we hear the words, "Turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel". It is an external sign or reminder of the time ahead that we are preparing.


Lent: It is a time to renew our efforts to live out the Gospel by loving one another.


My son loves ice cream. He has my genes. We were thinking the same thing as we glanced at each other across the dinner table.


Every year it gets harder, not easier, because we remember the pain of the wanting and the desire of the ice cream and denying ourselves something that we could do without. We were both thinking about the ice cream that will be missing our bellies.


So, tomorrow, Fat Tuesday we eat everything that we are going to give up for the next 40 days. My son said he was going to have ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He was going to eat it all day long. I think I will join him.


We think about what we want to give up and what we can do to better live out the gospel. We celebrate forgiveness and confess our sins in these 40 days of renewal.


We will clean out the tub of ice cream, lick our bowl clean and instead of our tummies becoming hungry for ice cream we become spiritually hungry for God's word.


We examine our conscience.
We reflect.
We forgive.
We remember what was given up for us so we can 'have' today.
We contemplate and say "Lord what did I do today that was not pleasing to you so that we can have peace in our hearts?"


"If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8: 31-32


Ice cream anyone?

Happy Valentines Day!

What I love............in no particular order.........

purple

my dogs

music

dancing by myself

butterfly kisses from my children

babies and nursing

yard work

painting

sewing

smell of rain

smell of dryer sheets

snow

flowers popping out of the ground

Jesus

cleaning my house

coffee

old sweat pants

Sade and Santana

Cat Stevens and Carol King

Solitude for praying

mango smell

organization

staying home

rolly pollies

stain glass in churches

my grandparents

the beach

gentleness

sincere people

Mother Teresa

Pope John Paul

dishes (i love dishes)

cups of all kinds

Tulips

baggy clothes

morning dew

reading my bible in the morning

breakfast

my children snuggling with me on Sunday morning

church music

family visiting

quilts

swimming

watching my children laugh

kisses on my neck from my husband

my man holding me

my moms home cooking and her selflessness

my dads voice

my sisters smile

my brothers humor

friends who listen

block parties

sitting in the hot sun

sound of music

watches

feeling pretty

Telling people I love them!

2nd Miracle

When you look at this picture above, what do you feel inside? Every time I see a hospital bed it brings on feelings of being sullen, heavy-hearted, despair, cold, isolated, dreary, panicky, nervousness, apprehension, and sometimes a feeling of being powerless, and the list goes on...... I do not have fond memories of the hospital. I have spent many days and nights at hospitals and doctor's offices healing my children back to health. I know it is a place of healing and that is a "good thing" but my own personal experiences are of fear. Even though I have had personal joy in hospital, for example..giving birth to 4 children, I still get a feeling of gloom.




I call this the "second miracle" because I believe it was the second miracle in the life of my first child.




The story goes like this...... My husband was out of town and anyone that knows me well enough knows that when he is gone it doesn't rain or pour at my house, it floods..... In other words, if it can go wrong, it will and whatever is about ready to break, "it" waits patiently until my husband walks out the door and then things start falling apart. People used to say I should appreciate my husband and his husbandry skills, I would just say, "I do appreciate him but more importantly I appreciate things when working properly." I used to have apprehension when he would leave but now I am numb to the "breakin and the fixin" and I just say "bring it on".




I didn't know that my child would "break" or get sick enough that she would have to be hospitalized when my husband was gone. She was real sick. She had asthma and she was young. She was young enough that she really didn't speak in complete sentences yet. Her knowledge of the world was her mom and dad that loved her and her bedroom filled with her toys. That was her world. We did not live near family and the town was new to us. We had no support system. It was just the three of us.




Our daughter loved books. We would make up our own words when flipping through the pictures of the books because she could not sit still long enough for me to read all the words. We would read many bible stories. We called Jesus by his name, Mother Mary by Jesus' mommy, and the Guardian Angels were called people with wings that watch over us. Our stories were simple but they were stories that we visited many nights before she would go to bed as part of her night time prayers.




She just couldn't catch her breath and the wheezing kept going on. As a parent I would second guess myself. Sometimes I would take her into the doctor's office only to be told she was fine and then the minute I didn't take her in she would be really sick. It was hard to tell with her because her condition could take a turn for the worse very quickly. This time however, I knew she was sick. The breathing was labored and she just wasn't smiling anymore. My instincts took over and we were at the door steps of the hospital. My husband was out of town. I was lonely and scared. I was a new mother with very little experience.




She was admitted. The nurses put her in a zipped up tent that went all around her and the bed. She was on the inside looking out and I on the out looking in at her. We were used to holding one another. There just wasn't room for the both of us and I definitely didn't need to be medicated as well so I remained outside the tent of the bed. This was scary for my little girl. She cried and cried.




12 hours had passed by and she was being managed very well by the nursing staff. She had her eyes fixated on me and she would cry trying to get outside the tent. It just wasn't the same and she knew it but she would be calm on and off. In her calm moments I would try to step out of the hospital room for a break and the crying would begin again. I knew I needed a break, a little food, a little drink. The nurses stepped up to help and told me to get some fresh air. I did.



As I walked out of the room the screaming and crying intensified. I prayed that it would cease and she would be at peace. I heard her as I turned the corner of the long hallway and entered the elevator. I started crying too and wondering why I had to do this all alone. As I look back, was I really all alone? At that moment I felt so isolated and helpless that my sobs were probably bigger that hers. I believe it is true that when your children are hurting you feel their pain too.




I got fresh air and I paced nervously and questioned why I was being so selfish by leaving her. The guilt weighed heavily on my heart. She was my child and she needed me and here I was abandoning her by getting fresh air. The guilt out weighed my need to breath in the air and relax and so I immediately headed back to the room.




Upon arriving on her floor there was a stillness, a quiet that I had not heard on her floor before, after all it was a pediatric floor. I thought maybe I was on the wrong floor. I went back to the elevator and checked the number of the floor. I was right, I was on the right floor.




I walked past the nurses station and all the nurses looked at me and smiled. They all had an angelic-like look about them.




As I entered my daughters room she was sitting there looking at her book. She looked up at me and said "hi mommy" as she smiled. I hugged her and told her I was sorry for leaving her and that I was glad she wasn't crying any longer. At that moment she started talking like she was 15 years old. Her sentences were complete and she pronounced words that she had never pronounced before.




She said "Mommy, don't worry. Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels said I would be just fine". She spoke with such confidence and eloquence that it took me a moment to remember what I had said to her to get such a intellectual response from her. She repeated it once again "Mommy, I said don't worry! Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels said I would be just fine" and she then continued looking at her book.




What two year old spoke like that? Certainly not my two year old and she certainly didn't know that the people with wings were called Guardian Angels or Jesus' mommy was called Mother Mary. We used simple words with simple meanings. We were simple in our faith and she was only about two years old.




I believe that day that Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels visited my daughter in the hospital room. They calmed and comforted her and more importantly comforted me. I looked around the room waiting for them to appear again. I had my blinders on because they were already there holding us both. We are their children and they felt our pain that day and they came to comfort us.




For that short period of time that my child was in the hospital, my belief was once again strengthened. This was my own personal journey on that road to Emmaus like the disciples. My eyes were blinded of His presence. Later, much later, did I fully understand what really happened. He loves the little ones and the big ones too and he is always healing, comforting and loving us each day.




Thank You Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels for holding my little one. Amen

A Lizard not a Zebra!

This is going to send goosebumps up your spine...or maybe lizards... depending upon where you are standing. If it is on my front porch, probably lizards.


We have numerous lizards on our front porch. I used to love my front porch. I have two chairs and a small table and I used to sit and drink coffee and eat a muffin in the mornings while waiting for my daughter's bus to come by and pick her up for school. The key word I am using is the word "used to". I don't sit and relax anymore on the porch because of the lizards. They annoy me when I am trying to relax. How do you relax when you know there is some little green, brown sometimes white little critter lurking around your plate. I'm afraid one of those lizards is going to slip into my coffee and I am going to be slurping down its' tail. The thought makes me not want to drink any fluid other than very clear water so I can see to the bottom of the glass.


I keep my umbrellas and rain boots on the front porch. Have you ever slipped your foot in your rain boots and felt lizards roaming around on your feet or have you opened up your umbrella to discover lizards raining on your head? I have done this and it is not very comforting. I'm sure the neighbors are used to this sight and sound by now. Imagine an umbrella going airborne across the yard followed by blood curteling screams. I've taken notice lately that my neighbors do not have their rainboots or umbrellas on their front porch. Hummmm.......


There is a point here........... lizards are lizards not zebras or elephants. They don't change into dogs nor do dogs into cats. We are constant as are they. It doesn't mean that our bodies don't change or our minds don't grow because they do change, that part is not constant. However, that fact that we are human and they are "critters" is how God planned it all when he created us, but God is Constant and he is ever welcoming us into His care.


So I have been thinking about trials that we encounter everyday of our lives. Some trials seem to never cease or we become inundated by new ones. I think Satan's goal is to harrass and torment us so that we will loose hope and become torn and weak. So you ask, what does this have to do about lizards. Well, I got to thinking the other day that I really love my front porch and I was not going to let those lizards bother me anymore. I was going to stand strong, be firm and embrace (yuck) those critters or the front porch is a waste. Sometimes facing the fear or the trial is tough. Tough enough that sometimes we don't face our trials with God at our side because we don't invite Him only because we feel we can navigate through them on our own. When we do this on our own we can become weak in faith and persistent in doubt and loose hope in our God.

So back to Satan and trials..... He is persistant and stubborn and and he consistently tries out every avenue to be a nagging presence in our lives. He wants us to loose hope and to be slaves to sin. But in our trials we must not loose hope, but to navigate through them and allow God to help us.

Romans 5:3 "affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been givento us. "


Think about Abraham and Sarah for a moment. Their trial was in the fact that their bodies were old, very old and they wanted to bare children. "He believed, hoping against hope, that he would become "the father of many nations," Romans 4:18 "He did not doubt God's promise in unbelief; rather, he was empowered by faith and gave glory to God..." Romans 4:20 He became the father of many by just having faith and allowing God's grace to flow.


God can do anything and He can help us in our trials if we let Him. HE is CONSTANT! HE is GOD!! God may not be able to make a square round and still call it a square, but He can walk with us in our trials.


"in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39


It's raining outside and I need to get my umbrella.........