Slither.....

We had a few chilly nights this winter, several nights dropping below 32 and of course, since this does not occur as it might up north, I had to take several precautions with my sprouting flowers and plants by covering them up with blankets and sheets to protect them from the freeze.  I was hopeful that the coverings of my plants would benefit their life. I took great care in covering the many plants and placing rocks at the corners of each blanket to hold the covering in place.  I had a few neighbors do the same, those that have taken pleasure in their yards like me.  I was not able to cover all my plants, only the ones that I felt would certainly benefit from coverage.

The bitter night had come and gone and I, being buried in other projects and chores, I left the blankets on for several days to come.  I am sure my neighbors wished I was as prudent in taking off the blankets as I was in putting them on, but I did not take them off until it warmed to 50 degrees.

It was a nasty job removing the blankets.  The blankets with heavy with dew and dust and so I carefully pulled each blanket off so as to not cover myself in the dirt and moisture.  On my last plant that I uncovered, underneath there sat a large snake coiled up waiting to greet me.  It was the perfect warm environment that I had blessed him with and he had made this his home to my surprise.  I was shocked to say the least and most certainly surprised to see him pull his head back to strike at me. I believe we were both in shock at one another's presence.  I, nor the snake moved.  Both of us were measuring each others' position.  I reached into my pocket and took out my phone and snapped a picture.  I am not sure what provoked me to take a picture versus the alternative which would be to run, but I took the picture. The snake did not move.  I then analyzed my placement to the broken branch nearby and reached for the broken pine branch that had fallen off my tree and proceeded to slam the branch down onto the snake only to watch as the branch broke into two pieces and then witness the snake slither back down into the ground.  

I pounded and pounded the ground, again and again, stabbing the earth over and over until I thought there might be a slight chance that I might have killed the snake and that it would never enter my territory again.  All the while, I knew that the snake went way under the earth's surface into its' home, safe and secure, waiting until I reach my hand into the soil again to garden my flowers.

My heart was racing, I was angry at myself for not having a better aim and for not having more power or force to kill the snake.  This encounter with the snake on my turf literally "rattled" my cage.

In retrospect, as I look back upon my encounter with the slithering snake, I am reminded of the evil force, constant wicked and crafty ways of the devil.  The snake is a reminder to me of the spiritual powers of evil and how I must constantly persevere to overcome any temptation that would separate me from God.  I know my God will protect me and give me power over the enemy.

Luke 10:19  "Behold, I have given you the power 'to tread upon serpents' and scorpions and upon the full force of the enemy and nothing will harm you.  Nevertheless, do not rejoice because the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice because your names are written in heaven."

The snake slithered back into its' hole and I wait in anticipation of the snake striking again.  I will cautiously protect myself physically when I again garden, as well as armor myself spiritually.

The prophetic words

It has taken me some time to gather the courage to write about a conversation that I had with a priest just recently.  I have many instances in my life that I would consider 'miracles' in my ordinary day, all of which I believe God was speaking directly to me regarding my life and my life situations.  I am very open to God and His messages, however this day, I was just not expecting this particular message.

There is no way that I could possibly relay the entire message given to me over the course of the hour that I had this conversation with this priest, but I would like to share or impart part of his message, with the idea that God always does and always will speak to us if we open ourselves to listen to the message.  It is in this conversation that I had with this priest that gave me a new message of Hope and in writing my experience, I offer you a sense of hope, that God is listening and that God loves us dearly.

I would like to share some background information regarding my conversation with this particular priest.  The background information is essential in understanding the divine nature of my conversation with him.

The background information is listed below:
1.  I have never had a conversation with this priest, other than several days prior, we bumped into one another and I asked him to pray for my children.  I then introduced myself to him.
2.  I have never told him anything about my parents, brother or sister or of my own children
3.  I have never expressed to him anything about my 'lost daughter'.
4.  I have never shared with him that I go to Adoration weekly.
5.  I have never shared that I do not like sitting in the chairs at Adoration.
6.  I have never shared how I physically, mentally and emotionally prepare for Adoration each week.
7.  I have never shared about any emotional discomfort and or disagreements that I have encountered over the course of my life regarding my siblings or parents.
8.  I have never share how I pray during Adoration.
9.  I have not shared about my particular prayers regarding my 'lost daughter'.
10.  I have not shared my fears, hopes and dreams with this priest.
11.  I have never gone to confession with this particular priest.
12.  This was the first time I have ever encountered a conversation with this priest.
13.  I have not shared with him the emotional and spiritual struggles that I have encountered in the last four years of my life.
14.  Do you understand?  There is no premise that this priest would have any knowledge about my life, thoughts, prayer life or anything in general.
15.  What did occur in the hour of conversation was a moment with God, expressing to me my most intimate concerns and love for him and my family.

Please read on if you will...

Prior to Easter, our office was booming with visitors, phone calls and numerous staff coming to my desk for various questions.  There had not been a dull moment in my office space and most certainly not at the noon hour. Noon hour was the craziest because people always came in on their lunch hour needing assistance for one thing or another.  This particular priest came to my desk and asked to speak with me.  I told him that I was the only one at the desk, there may be interruptions, but most certainly he had my most undivided attention when there were not interruptions.

He sat down, facing me, and grabbed my hand and held them in his palm.  He closed his eyes and said "I have been praying for you (he said my name)".  I felt an awkward, uncomfortable feeling, if you will, that I in the middle of my office building, for all to see and hear, I was having a conversation with my priest and I was not sure what the conversation was going to entail.  I was distracted, waiting on the next phone call, visitor or staff to appear.  However, it was unusually quiet, no calls, no visitors, no staff and he reminded me that we will not be interrupted.  I found this to be rather funny because I knew this was not going to be true.  I just wanted him to hurry up and say what it was that he had to say.   I looked around and at that moment I noticed that all that staff had left their offices, no calls were lit up on the switchboard and the reception area was vacant.  I thought to myself that this is really weird, spooky if you will.   He brought my thoughts back to him when he reminded me that he wanted to speak with me and that he can not speak to me when my thoughts are wondering and when I am not focused.  He told me to forget about the interruptions, as there would be no interruptions.  He was right, because for a solid hour, there were absolutely no interruptions during my time with this priest.

In the hour that he held my hand, I did not feel the weight of his hand, sweaty palms or anything uncomfortable.  I only felt a sense of peace by his touch.  Once I was focused, the hour conversation felt like 5 minutes.  He often times would close his eyes, taking deep breaths, and there were periods of silence as he was gathering the words to share with me. The uncomfortable feeling at the beginning went away immediately and I had the most heavenly experience ever imaginable.

He began, "I have been praying for you and mostly your daughter "_ _ _ _ _ _". " (I am not sure how he knew her name, but I listened. ) He stated "you always pray for protection for her and this is good, (I do not know how he knew that I pray for protection for her) but I want you to also pray for God's providence for her. It is in God providing for her that she will be well protected.  Your word in your prayers will now be 'providence or provide'.  It is also in God's providence that she will come to know God again and will return."  As he finished this sentence, tears started streaming down my face, I just could not hold in my tears.  He paused and said "my prayer as a mother is strong and my relationship with God is right and God listens to our prayers.  We never know when our prayers will be answered or how they will be answered, but it is in praying that God listens.  God hears your prayers and most certainly hears them about _ _ _ _ _ " (my daughter).

He continues and indicates that I have emotional distress with my family (indicating my parents and siblings).  He indicates also that I have a large amount of love for them, love that they will never understand.  He said my love is like the love of a mother for her children except they are not my children.  He indicates that God loves that I love.  He said that I have been distressed for sometime, back when my daughter was very young and I have carried this emotional stress and the lack of receptive love from my family and have placed this stress upon my children and spouse (he is right, as I have carried the feeling of abandonment from my family for many years)".   He told me "that I can not 'do' what they have 'undone', but the only thing that I can continue to do is to love." He told me "you need to let go of the ones that have hurt me and embrace those that want to love me".

He moved on.... pausing... praying... and holding my hand.

He proceeded in telling me that the Lord loves for me to go to Adoration.  (By the way, I have never told him I go to Adoration, nor have I ever seen this priest in Adoration...)  He shared with me how he wants me to prepare my body when I go to Adoration. (But first, I will share my private ritual prior to going to visit the Blessed Sacrament; My Adoration time is at 7:00PM weekly, and it takes 20 minutes to get there so I leave usually at 6:30PM.   Often times when I come home from work, usually I get home at 5:00-5:15, I make myself a meal, then I love on my dogs, and then take the hottest shower I possibly can to relax my muscles and to put me in a comfortable state, dress comfortably, usually in sweat pants and T-shirt or a long skirt and T-shirt and flip flops.  If it is winter, I take a blanket with me, as well.  I grab my bag with my prayer books, bible, journal and pen.  Then I mosey on to church.  No one, not even my family has any idea what my ritual entails.  I am sure they know the general idea, but most certainly not the details.) So, the priest began by saying, "when you go to Adoration, do not eat first and take a hot shower, take a cold shower then eat a 'lite' snack lastly.  It is in taking a cold shower and eating a lite snack that the body will automatically warm itself back up and certainly leave room for the Lord to feel me with warmth once I arrive at Adoration.  If  you take a hot shower, the body will cool off leaving you cold to God's message".  When I heard the priest tell me this I ask him how he knew that I did this, and he immediately stated "_ _ _ _ _, (my name) I told you that I have been praying for you.  Please listen".  Again, tears welled up in my eyes, my unbelief became belief.

The conversation continued on the subject of my visit  to Adoration. Most recently,  my time in Adoration and my prayer in Adoration has been contaminated with outside thoughts, interruptions and most certainly with lack of focus.  I have been distracted with the uncomfortable seats in the chapel, wishing that I could sit on the floor, but worrying about what others would think.  I also was distracted because my son had called me the evening prior to Adoration asking me to help him write a paper.  And on this note, I thought I would write the paper once in Adoration. I would pray, then sit in quite and begin to write part of his paper.  And, I did just that, ruffling papers and probably distracting the others that were actually there to pray.  The priest mentioned this in our conversation.  He said " why do you ruffle papers in the presence of our Lord?  Why don't you just sit on the floor instead of in the chair. The Lord does not care where you sit and you should not worry what other people think.  After all, it is just between you and our Lord".  He stated  " you must make yourself comfortable when you go before the Lord and in your prayer you will also hear".  He continued to tell me how he wanted me to sit on the floor, how to hold my hands and how to be open to the Spirit.

As my mind started to drift back to the moment of me being in the chapel and my thoughts that he confirmed, he reminded me again to remain focused and to listen to him.  He said to listen to the Lord we have to not be distracted.  We have to give all of our attention to the Lord.

Many other private prayers were shared and discussion took place about my hopes, dreams and most certainly, many  fears and thoughts were confirmed during his prophetic words.  I listened, cried, and hung on to every word he said.  After all, God was speaking, I had to listen.

He told me to write the word 'providence' down on a piece of paper and pray this word over and over.  I wrote it down and stuck it on my computer.  I don't think I will ever forget this word or his words to me this day.

The hour passed in what seemed to be 5 minutes.  There were no interruptions, not even one. There was no one in the office, no calls, no staff, just him and me.

He got up, took a deep breath and thanked me for letting him pray with me.

I was a mess.

My mascara was down my face.

Tears kept streaming down my cheeks.

My nose was all stuffed up.

I was not sad.

I was just in a state of bliss.

He walked off.

I was numb.

The phone rang.

The interruptions began again.

The day proceeded.

The prophetic words were replayed in my head all day long.  I cried on my way home.  I cried telling my family.  I cried because in that particular moment of that day, I had just asked God to please give me a sense of peace about everything.  I had just prayed and was feeling like my prayer was just another prayer, and a prayer unheard, or so I thought.  I needed to know that on this particular day, after a most unsettling prior evening in Adoration (mainly because I was unfocused), that God was at my side, loving me and accepting me with all my flaws.  I needed to know that my prayers were not selfish.  I needed Him to know that I just wanted to do everything that he designed me to do and that I did need His help in doing just this and I just wanted to please Him.   I just wanted Him to love me and for Him to make me feel loved particularly in my bouts of loneliness. In my years of feeling abandoned, I wanted confirmation that He has not abandoned me.    

This day, He fulfilled everything that I needed peace about and this is why there were so many tears.

How could I have ever doubted?

And, this is why I share my story with you today, so that you too will LISTEN to His words.

Please take time to pray, but more importantly, in your prayer, Listen.

Injured Wings

This morning I walked out onto my front porch to find this butterfly struggling to stay on this flower in my flower garden.  I ran inside to grab the camera to take a picture with hopes that I could capture its' beauty and then watch as it struggled to fly away.  We always have butterflies in our front garden, however it seems a bit early this year that they are out so early, so  I was quite delighted to find one to greet me this morning. I snapped the camera quickly.  I wished I had my better camera because I am sure it would have captured the delicate wing structure and its' beautiful color against the purple flower in the background.  At any rate, I am thankful for my quick movement and the butterfly's slow decision to fly away.

If you look closely, you can observe a slight imperfection in the right wing of the butterfly.  The imperfection appears to be an injured wing which is almost certainly why it was struggling to fly.  Although, it appears to be injured, the butterfly continued its' flight path towards another flower and on and on without a slight hesitation to quit and give up.  Its' wounded limb did not stop the butterfly from attempting to and successfully continuing its' flight pattern.  Its' adaptation to the injury and the acceptance of its' injury and its' motivation to not quit amazed me.

I'm not fond of quitting.  I believe if the opportunity exists, the skill is accomplished and the tools are available, take flight, adapt and succeed, but don't quit because of the unknown of tomorrow or something may require extra effort.

I had a long conversation with my son this past week.  He's injured.  He is down, and he is ready to quit. He has let other people place doubt into his mind about his healing, rehab, abilities, enthusiasm, his drive, purpose and his life long dreams.  He has placed himself inside a dark tunnel to which he can not see beyond the darkness.  I, over the course of a week have attempted to share a most positive outlook on the situation and have also attempted to help him see the benefits of an official rest during his healing, rehab and or recovery and future success.  He is too down to listen.  I am most saddened by this turn of events and his attitude of no resolve.

At 4:00 this morning when he left to go back to college, we had a disagreement and an exchange of words.  I have not spoken to him since and most certainly do not regret my words as a mother, but regret the way in which he left.  I prayed for 5 hours that the angels and saints would surround his car until he was safely home because I knew he was not driving peacefully.

We as parents, give our children wings to fly their own path, or feet, so to speak, to walk their own journey.  But, we as parents also want to make sure that they stay on course, with hopes that they do not make any drastic detours that will effect the course of their life.  We want them to understand that sometimes the easy path is not always the path to take because it is in the difficult journeys that we discover who we are, how strong we can become, the wisdom that we will gain along the way and the endurance to endure the hardship of the journey which essentially prepares us for the rest of our life's choices and decisions.

I do not think my son heard me in our conversation. He was determined for me to hear him.  And in our exchange of words, our words were lost in the challenge of hearing and listening to one another.

As a mother, we are intuitive and we place their burdens on our hearts and on our sleeve.  They do not understand how much we love them and want the best for them.  I just wanted to shake him until he understood, but as he stated, it is his life.

I wished my son could have seen the injured butterfly this morning soar through the sky.  The butterfly might have fluttered a bit, not as graceful as most, but it soared, injury and all.

Do you not know
     or have you not heard?
The Lord is the eternal God, 
     creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint nor grow weary, 
     and his knowledge is beyond scrutiny.
He gives strength to the fainting; 
     for the weak he makes vigor abound.
Though you men faint and grow weary, 
     and youths stagger and fall,
They that hope in the Lord will renew their 
     strength,
   they will soar as with eagles' wings;
They will run and not grow weary,
     walk and not grow faint.
                                          Isaiah 41:28-31

I pray that he makes the right decision.  I pray that he listened.  I pray that he prays.
You give them wings, you have to let them fly......

A Moment of Surprise

Yep, that's my dog. I love every inch of her.  I love all the slobber, hair balls, piles of poop and last but not least, her love.  But today's topic is unfortunately not about my dog.  It is about the expression that you see in this picture, a 'surprised" expression. This expression is what brings me to my prayer writing today and how I felt about a comment made at our Easter dinner table.   

My son brought home a friend from college.  Yep, his roommate.  He is a good roommate/friend to my son.  My son also brought home his dog which is shared with his roommate. I'm not sure what is going to happen with the dog once they graduate from college, but for now, their dog "Lucy" is their loyal companion.   She's cute, but four dogs in my house.... well you get the picture, it is quite busy. Lots of slobber, hair balls, piles of poop and of course, four times the love.  I don't mind the dog or the my son's roommate visiting, all is well.  We don't even think of my son's roommate as a guest, more like family, he blends right in with us.  We hope he accepts us as such.  Gee, I think my son thinks of him as a brother.  Okay, moving on.....

I'd like to think that our Easter was amazing.  We had a marshmallow artillery (archery) battle, we hunted Easter Eggs, (and oh yes, my 20 year old son hunted them too with his 20 year old roommate) and we hunted Easter Baskets, and swung at a pinata.  We had a huge meal, watched lots of movies and took care of dogs, might I add, four dogs....

Once we gathered around our dinner table, we prayed and gave thanks to our Lord and then we began our tradition which is to go around the table, each taking turns, to tell one thing that we are thankful for and one thing that makes us happy today.  We do this routine so everyone will have a chance to share their heart and to keep the conversation moving along and so the conversation does not linger in one direction with one person all the time.  We do have some in our family that would hog the entire dinner table conversation all of the time, and all of us know who it is, and so do they, and we really don't mind after all, I guess.  There is always lots of good information.   This time, at the table however, I asked each person to share one thing that they like about the Easter festivities.  Some said the marshmallow fights, the smashing of the pinata or the attempts of smashing the pinata was mentioned as a favorite, and then finding the Easter baskets and the contents of the baskets were also their favorites.  We finally reached our guest and I asked him what he thought about everything we had done in the past several days and his comment took me by surprise.  He did not mention egg hunting, basket hunting, pinata smashing or the marshmallow fights, but he very thoughtfully mentioned how he thought his favorite part thus far was the fact that all of us came together at the table with the table decorated in the spirit of Easter and shared our thoughts as a family.  This was his treasured moment thus far.  

When our guest mentioned that 'sharing a meal' at the table was his favorite event, I was stunned.  I thought for sure it would have been the marshmallow fight since he was so good at it, but it wasn't.  I looked around the table to see the expression of my family.  I believe we all had a moment of surprise. I also believe that as he thought our dinner table experience was special, I think my family might have taken it for granted.  His comment gave me reason to ponder about what a special blessing we have to be able to gather around the table and to count our blessings.  After all, it all started on Holy Thursday with the Last Supper and sharing thoughts and sharing a meal.  

God wants us to gather as a family, to share thoughts, to share food.  He wants us to form bonds, unity and experience each others day.  Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday gave way to a new beginning in our attempt to come to know Christ better, a new chance to better ourselves with our relationship with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  With 40 days of reflection, an Easter dinner should be reason to celebrate Christ resurrection and our new life.  

My favorite thing that made me happy Easter day was when my son's friends came to celebrate with our family and the fact that my son wanted his friend to celebrate with us.  I think my son likes our tradition, our sharing and he wanted someone else to share in our table of thanks.  

Thanks son. Thanks roommate. What a wonderful moment of surprise at Easter dinner.

St. Anthony, my favorite Saint!

(Picture on left is a small statue of St. Anthony and baby Jesus)

Have you every lost your glasses?  Misplaced your keys and you know you took off those shoes (the smelly ones) by the back door only to find that they are not there?  And the most frustrating thing is that no matter where you look for those lost items, they are not there and you need the item immediately which makes the situation worse.

St. Anthony, is my favorite Saint and has been since my memory can recall. He is the Saint that I invoke for help when trying to find lost items. He has interceded for me to many times to count.  If interested, please look him up, but for now, I really want to share an amazing story with you.

I work in a church office and a young lady (late 20ish) came in, and I would say, a bit frazzled.  Her eyes were swollen and red and she persisted to tell me that she lost her billfold.  She then continued to tell me that her billfold was not just any billfold because it carried her phone and her keys.  She then proceeded to tell me that the keys were not her keys.  She was visiting family and she had the keys to a rental car.  The more she talked the more she was getting very upset.  So, I got up out of my chair and asked her if I could help her retrace her steps.  She agreed.  She indicated the last place she was at was in the ladies room in the church.  We went into the two stall restroom and looked around, on top of the paper towel holder, the sink, the floors.  She told me she had emptied the contents of her purse out on the floor, looking for something in particular, but there was no billfold.  

We then moved into the church where she was at prior to the ladies room.  She indicated to me that she sat in the front row when she was praying.  She did mention how beautiful our church was, she mentioned the stain glass and the altar, but by the time she was describing how beautiful everything was, tears were streaming down her face and she began shaking.  She was so incredibly upset because she did not have the keys, her identification and the phone that was in the billfold, carried the numbers in which to call.  She could not remember any of the numbers.  I asked her if she looked in the car, and she stated that this was the first place she looked, but she could not open the car doors because they were locked.

After having no success in the church, I questioned her as to her whereabouts prior to the church.  The young lady again indicated how beautiful the church was and then mentioned she was in the Adoration Chapel. I walked over to the chapel which was behind the church.  We tip toed into the chapel.  There were four adults in the chapel praying.  We searched around the chapel only to come up empty handed.  I interrupted the people praying and asked them if they had seen the billfold, and unfortunately all had said 'no'.

She began sobbing now.  I quickly moved her out of the chapel and towards the prayer garden. I asked her to sit down so she could gather herself and we could develop a plan, after all, I had to get back to work.  I grabbed both of her hands and held them and told her to breath and imagine that St. Anthony was standing before her.  I began my prayer....."Dear St. Anthony,  I am here today with a young lady, very distressed due to a lost item.  We have searched over and over and now we ask that you come to our aide.  St. Anthony, I am asking for intercessory prayer, in search for this young lady's lost billfold since you are the Saint of lost and stolen items.  I ask the Dear Lord to also grant her peace and to deliver her safely back home while on her trip. Amen"

She was most grateful for the prayer.  We stood up and I walked her to her car, which was parked quite away from all the other cars.  She mentioned that she did not want anyone making a ding in her car door since the car was not hers and this is why she parked so far away.   I told her I understood. I am not sure why we walked to the car, knowing full well the car doors were locked.  There was momentum in our steps.  I did not have a plan.   She walked towards the back passenger window, cupped her hands and looked inside the car.  She was exasperated because the door was locked and no sign of the billfold.

I asked her to step aside and as I maneuvered ahead of her, I reached for the front door and opened it. She gasped and immediately asked how I opened the door.  She indicated that 'those doors were locked'.  She moved in front of me and screamed in excitement saying "my billfold is in the front seat. Oh my God, how did you do this?"  Of course, I told her that I did nothing, if something was done we need to give thanks to the one who deserves credit, which would be Our Lord and our Blessed St. Anthony.   She moved towards me and held my hands and went down on her knees and cried thanking the Lord and asking God to bless me.

I am sure that if anyone walked into the parking lot that day and saw her kneeling before me it would have been an odd sight.  I was slightly uncomfortable, feeling a little awkward, but pleased more than anything that she found her billfold.

She came up off her knees exclaiming that this was a "Miracle".  

I then told this '20 something girl' to have a safe trip and scooted on back to my office.

Slightly weird, very unusual, but most certainly convinced that God had His hands all over this incident!

Ordinary miracle in my ordinary day.  Just saying.....