Resistance

St. Michael the Archangel

Defend us in battle. 

Be our safeguard against the wickedness

and the snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him we humbly pray,

and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host,

by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan, 

and all the evil spirits,

who prowl about the world

seeking to ruin of souls.

AMEN

The picture above is a hand painted picture of St. Michael, painted by an artist in Peru and hand delivered to me to place in my home.  It is in my entry way of my home along with other religious paintings and pictures as holy reminders to all that enter my home.  

I have a St. Michael prayer card on the dash of my car by my speedometer.  By placing this prayer card in my car, I remind myself daily as I enter and exit my car to pray this prayer.  I also have this card on my computer at work, in my prayer journal and of course, the prayer is in my head.  I ask for assistance daily from St. Michael to protect me and my loved ones. 

The devil is sly, cunning, and conniving!  I will take all the help I can get each day to ward off any of his attempts to ruin my soul.  My flesh is weak and often times I allow the temptation to filter in my life.

Lately, I am struggling with fear and worry. First, I have been worrying about my son and his rehab of his most current shoulder injury and surgery.  I really don't know why I am worrying so much because it seems that my son is openly embracing the many changes that have occurred in his life. Maybe, it is my mother instinct to dust them off, bandage them up and continue to protect them as they move along their way and when I can't do this, this facilitates worry. He is 'all grown up' and I am most blessed that God has allowed me to watch him grow up...I still worry. 

Secondly, my granddaughter just 'graduated' from preschool.  What a celebration it was to see her walk across the stage and know that she is going to enter Kindergarten.  But, in the midst of knowing that she is going into kindergarten, it also means that five years have passed and I am now 5 years older, as is she, and the clock is ticking fast....  We are all getting older.......  I should be most blessed that God has allowed me to see her graduate, but my mind wonders about getting old and it scares me. 

Lastly, with the most recent event of my husband losing his job, I fear the unknown and I am quite frankly scared to death.  I have experienced this before and it put many trials on my marriage and in my efforts to continue to have faith.  We both have to work.  We live simply at best, rarely going on vacation, rarely having extras, just enough to be comfortable and to provide for our daily needs. Thank you God. But, the fear of the unknown has crept inside my head and I worry and do not sleep at night.  I am tired of worry. 

I AM....

resistant in what God has placed before me today.  I am resistant to what God expects me to do, which is to place total trust in Him.  I am resistant to think that He is going to help us. I am resistant in knowing that He thinks this is best for us.  I am resistant in loving Him right now because life is not as I had imagined, life is hard, life is not fair and I wish God would make it just a little bit easier for my family. 

I AM RESISTANT in just 'letting go' and accepting the gifts he has for me today. 

The resistance is the Devil's work.  The resistance is my weakness.

I have allowed the devil to beat me down with doubt.

I pray, but I must increase my prayer, because the devil is coming at me with a vengeance. 

I must put on my full armor of God. 

I must resist him, not God. 

EPHESIANS 6:11-13

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 

St. Michael, I implore your help to defend me in the battle.... TO RESIST!

Before and After

 

I've been a little busy lately.  Things keep getting in my way of my writing.  My thoughts however, still remain and sometimes when I don't get them written down, my mind gets overwhelmed with all the things that clutter my mind, it is hard to continue on without being able to share or write or pray on paper. In the evenings, I lay under my covers and shut my eyes to shut out all the distractions and then I just pray.  Sometimes that works for me and other times not so much, especially when my family barges into the bedroom, forgetting to knock and interrupt with questions like, 'hey mom, can I borrow your mascara tomorrow morning?, or 'mom, would you go over my schedule with me?' or 'what is for dinner tomorrow?'.... and on and on...  I admit, I do get very annoyed when they don't knock, as do they when I remind them to knock.

There is always a before and after situation.  Nothing is constant on earth.  Life keeps moving.  What is, is not always.  Ever changing.  Moving. Transition. Transformation. Alteration.....

My son just had shoulder surgery.  What was,will not be the same for him.  He use to swim miles upon end. Moving his arm in a motion above his head repeatedly for hours.  He now can barely move his hand equal to his elbow.

My daughter who has played the violin for over 5 years, (the first two years were painful to hear), but now the most beautiful sounds come from the little piece of wood and she has now chosen to not play due to her increasingly busy schedule.

My husband, once again, has lost his job.  A new 'boss' came into town and released all administration.  He is administration.  He does not have a job.

I wake up each morning thinking and expecting and preparing for what I think I am going to encounter in my day, all the while, God has other plans.   Life is ever changing.

I never know.  He only knows. He has it all planned.  I am His servant.  We are His instruments.

What was before is only temporary.

In the midst of change, I do enjoy helping my son dress his wound, assist him in his inability to manage his daily living skills and to listen to him as he processes the change in his life and watch him watch me love him as I serve him.  This is one thing that will not change, I will server with love.

In the midst of change, I sit and watch my daughter find herself as she moves through life adjusting her schedule and interest that she sees fit.  It is difficult as a parent thinking that we always know what is best for them when they were young, but not always knowing what is best for them as they grow older.  It is in letting go and allowing them to design their life as God sees fit that we fall in love with them all over and over again as they change.  There is one thing that will not change, I love watching her grow into a beautiful young lady.

In the midst of change, I have watched my husband age alongside me. We have been marred for 31 years this month. What was 31 years ago, is not today.  Our lives have changed. His career has changed.  I have supported him.  He has supported us.  I have served him.  I am his wife.  Jobs come and go.  God always provides.  There is one thing that will not change, I will always love him.

I am nervous.  I am anxious.  For what is not and what is to become, I rely on God.

"God, I praise your promise;
in you I trust, I do not fear".  Psalm 56:5
   ********************
"Happy those whose trust is the Lord,
who turn not to idolatry
or to those who stray after falsehood.
How numerous, O Lord, my God,
you have made your wondrous deeds!
And in your plans for us
there is none to equal you.
Should I wish to declare to tell them
too many are they to recount.
Sacrifice and offering you do not want;
but ears open to obedience you gave me.
Holocausts and sin-offering you do not require;
so I said, "HERE I AM;
your commands for me are written in the scroll.
To do your will is my delight;
my God, your law is in my heart!
I announced your deed to a great assembly;
I did not restrain my lips;
you, Lord, are my witness.
Your deed I did not hide within my heart;
you loyal deliverance I have proclaimed.
I made no secret of your enduring kindness
to a great assembly.
Lord, do not withold your compassion from me;
may your enduring kindness ever preserve me. 
Psalms 40:5-12

My prayers under my bed covers now include courage to be open to what God will give me today and to accept his gifts openly and with love.

Before and After, the only thing that is CONSTANT, is HIS LOVE.

Keep Rockin' on.....

Today, on Mother's Day, after I went to 7:00AM mass, I went to the grocery store and bought a dozen orange roses and a vase for myself.  I thought they were beautiful and I never buy flowers for myself, but today, I thought 'why not"?  The store was having a special on roses, a dozen for $7.00 and I thought I deserved it, after all, my family didn't bother to get up to go to church with me, there were no flowers for me when I woke up and my children are not really children anymore.  They are grown and the 'Mother's day' thing I thought has probably worn its' course with my family.  My feelings were hurt just a bit especially when our priest asked the families to lay their hands over their mother and pray over them.  I had no one to lay hands on me.  The roses made me feel better, until I got home.

When I got home, my son called and wished me a happy day and he told me he loved me.  I love it when he calls me 'mom' because I love being his mom.  I called my mom and wished her a Happy Mother's day too. Then my daughters and grandchild came into my room and wanted me to go outside, and my youngest daughter was so excited.  She had "present" written all over her face.  I hesitantly went outside to find my rocking chair with a big bow and a vase of flowers and card next to it waiting for me.  My husband had sweat dripping down his face as he explained later, it took a while to assemble this chair together.  I was surprised of my precious gift, but more importantly, the gift that I loved the most was their excitement in giving it to me.  My daughter told me she picked it out.  We all took turns rocking in this wonderful chair.

Both of my grandmothers had a rocking chair and I remember sitting on their laps as they rocked me. I had a rocking chair when I had my four babies and passed it down to my daughter.  So, the thought of another rocking chair was most certainly embraced and I am so excited about the possibility of sitting on my front porch in the morning in my rocking chair drinking coffee and watching the birds and the squirrels.   However, I really underestimated their love for me this day.  Here I bought my own flowers and thought that they were just carrying on as if it was another day.  I always jump to the wrong conclusion and I feel horrible about my thoughts, especially about the fact that I bought my own flowers, this is most pitiful.

As time rocks on, I will be rocking my grandchildren on the front porch with hopes that they will one day have the same beautiful memories that I cherish. It is not so much about the rocking chair, but the beautiful moments we have with our mothers and grandmothers here on earth and the strength and wisdom that we acquire from them.

Mary, our heavenly mother imposes wisdom to all of us when Mary said, "My heart praises the Lord; my soul is glad because of God my Savior, for he has remembered me, his lowly servant!  From now on all people will call me happy, because of the great things the Mighty God has done for me.  His name is holy; from one generation to another he shows mercy to those who honor him.  He has stretched out his mighty arm and scattered the proud with all their plans.  He has brought down mighty kings from their thrones, and lifted the lowly.  He has filled the hungry with the good things, and sent  the rich away with empty hands.  He has kept the promise he made to our ancestors, and has come to the help of His servant Israel.  He has remembered to show mercy to Abraham and to all His descendants forever!"

I will ask my heavenly mother to guide me in sharing the wisdom of our Lord to those that I rock in this white, wooden rocking chair gifted to me this day on Mother's Day.

I will probably never buy myself flowers again on Mother's Day because I know my children won't forget and even if I don't get flowers, their presence is most important gift of all.

You kids Rock!

Now, I'm going to rock on, too!