Over the holidays I created a palate of dots on the wall of my 15 year olds' bedroom. It was her idea and much to my dismay, I hesitated, grumbled, tensed up and finally gave in to that sweet child's whims. I carefully opened the can of paint, so as to not spill it on the carpet and then I plunged in to this arduous task. It was a delicate operation at best. I had no help priming the walls, painting the walls white, measuring the circles that I was to paint, and then actually painting those circles. It was a long tedious process. I was a little resentful at first as I began measuring the spaces between those dots and as I listened to my family in the other room laughing, watching T.V. and not a soul asking if I needed help. I moved forward trying not to let the joy of painting be over ran by negative feelings of resentment.
I love to paint, but the problem with painting is that all my other chores, tasks and or duties of a mother are still there waiting for me when I finish with my painting. Life keeps moving forward, and chores are still there and there is only one of me. The thought of loosing nearly two days of time painting dots while my chores still remained was a daunting thought. I will say, all in all, there was a hint of excitement in my body about this project, but I let the resentment of my family not helping overshadow my joy.
My fifteen year old has a unique gift of creative vision. I think in part, her vision arises out of being positive, thinking forward, and not letting any doubt or evil thought interfere with her happiness to create. Her spirit has been strengthened by trials. She has moved forward not letting the past hold her captive. Her energy helps me move forward, as well. And I do have to say, I too have a creative thumb like her, but I tend to hold onto and linger in the dark places I have been and sometimes choose to stay there instead of relishing in the joy of the day and allowing my free spirit to be embellished. My daughter has taught me much.
As I started painting these dots I began praying. I was a little angry at the beginning, doing this project out of obligation not gifting her with the possibility of a new room. I hated the feeling of anger and so as I began praying, I softened up a bit. Each dot holds a specific prayer. All in all, this is a prayer wall camouflaged by dots. She has no idea the amount of prayer it took me to get through this project, but prayer prevailed and God won. I chose to not be tempted by the trials in which I was tempted. I knew that if I allowed the one who tempted me with the trial, this wall would not be the gift in which it was intended. I had to allow the spirit of love prevail in her room.
Most recently, I began mediating on the Letter from James 12-15
FAITH AND WISDOM
"Happy are those who remain faithful under trials,
because when they succeed in passing such a test,
they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him.
If we are tempted by such trials, we must not say,
"This temptation comes from God."
For God cannot be tempted by evil,
and he himself tempts no one.
But we are tempted when we are drawn away
and trapped by our own evil desires.
Then our evil desires conceive and gift birth to sin;
and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
When I completed the project of "dots", I felt the joy through my daughters eyes. She was most pleased and the pain in painting those dots eventually became a prayer, a time with God and I myself received the joy from God when my daughter was overwhelmed with the happiness of having her room decorated with those hot pink dots. I never imagined that the next two days would be filled with excitement over dots.
If we remain faithful under trials, the reward is so ever wonderful. The rest of my family chimed in and wanted to add their touch of love to this room. And as the room evolved she became most grateful. And I might add, her room is remaining clean. This clean room may not last, but it is a reminder to me her appreciation and a reminder to her of my love for her.
I am a little dizzy, I am seeing dots on the wall.
"Oh they would put me in the zoo, if they could see what I can do."
(A line out of Robert Lopshires' book)
