Murky Water

I swam in murky water last night. The pollen was falling faster than the pool could circulate. It was green with debris at the bottom. This is not normal for the pool to be green but probably consistent for this time of year.

I had two options, 1) to swim outdoors in murky waters when the sun was shining and the outdoor temperature was just right or 2) swim indoors with crystal clear water joined by my two girls. I chose the outdoor pool.

My focus was not on green water but on the blue sky's that were directly above me. I was thinking 'fresh air' after being confined indoors all day. I was thinking 'who would want to swim indoors? Certainly not me!"

My initial lap was murky, nothing less than murky and I'm not sure why I thought it would be anything but murky. I kept trying to focus on all the positive items on my list. The second lap was worse. The cool water and warm air combination fogged up my goggles. Any attempt to clear the lenses of pollen and fog proved unsuccessful.

Next option; 1)swim blindly or 2)move to the indoor pool. I chose to swim blindly.

It was real blurry, disgustingly blurry and distasteful when the water swished into my mouth. My mind was wandering what kind of sickness I was going to get from this little exercise adventure. It was irritating to be quite honest. I continued to try to be positive and make the most of it and I was finding myself second guessing my intent to be outdoors.

FYI: I was not a lone duck in the pool. Many other ducks were probably thinking the same thoughts, I'm sure. We are a rare breed. Think about it; what human would swim in cold water in the winter months, murky water for that matter to subject themselves to this kind of nonsense. Quack Quack!

As I was trying to reach beyond the murkiness I started to see clearly that I allow the murkiness of my life to overshadow my clear water. Make sense? I allow the negative events in my life to overshadow the many blessings I have received. We all do it at some point in our lives. Some do it more than others. Some constantly live by being negative. We never allow ourselves to be graced by joy.

My daughter got in a car wreck yesterday. She is bumped and bruised and upset. She is okay! Thanks be to our heavenly Father. We now have 4 almost 5 drivers and two cars now. Cars and insurance are expensive. We will have 2 cars for awhile. It will be very hard accommodating all of our schedules, it will be difficult. We will do it. My daughter thinks God has not been accommodating. She thinks we struggle too much. I told her he accommodated her when he saved her from injury from the car accident. She needs to thank God for this blessing.

It is hard to see God when we are blinded by murky waters, but it is easy to swim through murky waters when God is at your side and we are constantly praising and thanking Him.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything...If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. 12-13 "....In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me."

Swim anyone.....Quack, Quack!

RANDOM MESSAGE

Gifted by family members, I receive several subscriptions to magazines. I find it difficult to read them upon arrival due to my busy schedule, therefore I tote them in my car and pull them out on occasion while waiting for my children when picking them up from their various activities.


I pulled out a stack of magazines the other day dating from as far back as January. Never read them, forgot they existed. Ever have those months? These last three months have past quickly for me. Where did the time go?


I opted to read my spring magazines first. There were a few, a few too many magazines. I'm starting to get that spring fever. It was a bit overwhelming selecting which magazine I was going to read and I felt a sense of guilt for letting some 'good reads' go to waste over such a long period of time.


I need to be inspired. Fresh ideas, change of pace, new colors and a scenery of flowers.



Nesting...refers to an instinct or urge to prepare a home usually for a newborn. I'm not pregnant, but still have the urge to nest! Maybe a strong urge to clean and organize my house.



Home...place of residence or refuge. A dwelling. My idea of a home is a place where you feel safe. For instance: peace, happiness, being content and loved by those around you. Technically, it is a dwelling, plain and simple. A structure.



Change: to transform, convert, different from the ordinary, altered, modified.



In my 'nesting' routine at springtime I usually get this burst of energy to 'change' things up or to create a new space/or look for our 'home'. I do not necessarily buy things as much as I just move furniture around, kids change bedrooms, new recipes, new outdoor plantings and a thorough cleaning of house and car.



I am thrilled and anxiously awaiting the first free weekend.



Back to my magazines...I often wonder why my home never looks like those homes in the pictures or why I can not figure out a way to re-create the space as imagined. I am just thankful for magazines. They stimulate my immagination in this area of cleansing and renewal.



However, in my spring madness of nesting, a sense of peace and fulfillment tends to creep its' way into my heart as I renew the face of my home for my family. It is a jump start for me to give to my family and it is an odd way in which I show love and forgiveness towards my family as we draw closer to the Easter season.


The other day, as I was looking at magazines I got a random phone message from my daughter. She asked for forgiveness for some past choices. Her message was a message of hope of new beginnings and a fresh start for her and our family as she lets go and moves forward. What a lovely reminder during the season of Lent where moving towards the future instead of clinging to the past as we begin a new season is a message of love and forgiveness.


In our obedience to God and in honor towards God we must make the choice to forgive. WE will no longer have to carry the weight of the sin. If we don't forgive neither will be forgiven. God takes away the weight of the world so we may have happiness and life.


Spring, inspiration, forgiveness, life..........and magazines.

The yellow brick road...

This is where the argument began on the road home from a much needed vacation. We all have a certain vision of a vacation. Mine of course is the vacation. It does not include the transportation to and fro with due reason. I get car sick. Very sick. I get anxiety just thinking about traveling as a passenger to and from the destination planned. Anyone else out there like me with the same issue? I have to sit in the front seat, usually in the drivers seat to prevent this illness of motion sickness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but regardless, my family is very aware of the situation.



Well traveled highways are my favorite roads not the road less traveled. Straight, smooth roads not the curvy, hilly or scenic routes seem to be in my favor. I would love to enjoy the view from those curvy, tree laden small town roads but my head would spend most of the time in a bucket regurgitating any small town famous foods that I would have enjoyed previous to the moment. So, with that in mind I do not purposely travel the road less traveled with reason.



It's time to go home from a spring break trip. Time to climb back into the car and hit the road in the wee hours of the morning to avoid the traffic. My husband climbs into the drivers seat, I am happy about this decision because due to his snoring the night before I was only afforded 3 hours of sleep for our 11 hour journey. I just knew I would fall asleep quickly once the car got rollin. It didn't take long, maybe 10 minutes I was out only to be awaken by a small curve in the road. Curve? What curve? How could there be a curve in the road on that straight highway?




My husband pulled a quick one and he thought I wouldn't notice after all, I was asleep. Let me express to those of you who do not experience motion sickness that by experiencing a mere curve in the road makes me feel as if I have just came down with the flu, the stomach flu. I do not know what was worse, my flu like symptoms or my anger. I don't even know if it was anger as much as it was rage. We switch positions quickly and I drove the rest of the way, did I mention by the way with only three hours of sleep?




How dare he!!!! I completely was taken by surprise and so was he when I expressed my dissatisfaction with him the whole way home. I was not nice, but then again, neither was he. Now I don't want to hang my laundry out in the open, so to speak, but I was a miserable
passenger and a miserable driver due to my lack of energy. How could he? Who was he thinking of in the midst of this road map change?




So, I got to thinking that how could he possibly know what it is like to feel sick every time you get in the car. Maybe he was just thinking he would get us home quicker since it was the less traveled road and we would arrive at our destination sooner. (side note: it took us several hours longer) Maybe he wasn't being purposely manipulative to drive the way he wanted to drive, maybe he was thinking about us the whole time he change our course of direction. Maybe I was not looking at his true intention which was a well less traveled road. You know, less cars, less traffic, quicker, safer way home.




Why did I jump to conclusions? I guess one could say I really didn't jump to conclusions but my stomach spoke for me. My stomach is the one that jumped.




The road less traveled...it is easy to always follow in the path of others, not stepping out of line or doing something different. It takes courage and honor to have a belief so strong that one risks being considered different just because he follows the road less traveled.




It was hard for Peter, Jesus' apostle to admit to those who asked him if he was a follower of Jesus. He who promised Jesus that he would stand by his side actually denied Him three times before Jesus' death. Personal, individual accounts of one's own perspective may differ from the next. We must stand to listen, not judge as Peter feared of those who questioned him.




Hearing and listening.

I questioned my husband about his intent, but I didn't listen. He hears of my experiences, but doesn't listen. We were both wrong. We thought we were both right. Our journey was a long journey. I think about what could have been versus what it was that day we traveled home. How often do we mis-communicate our intents and how often do we hear and not listen?



Peter was very sad when he denied Jesus the third time. I was sad I denied my husband love on our journey home. I denied Jesus on that yellow brick road.



Hear ye Hear Ye, but listen as well!

Time well spent

What do mashed potatoes, a Kansas Jayhawk and poppies all have in common? We'll get to the answer a little later, but first, I went on vacation. I went to Kansas. Yep, that's right Dorthy, red slippers and all. The sunflower state, the midwest, yep right smack dab in the middle. That's where I went on vacation, Kansas! Went to visit family! Good Ole Kansas City! Dorothy went home!

It's quite amazing how delicious homemade mashed potatoes can be when you do not have to cook them. Same recipe, same kind of potato, just a different place. Button on the ole' pants gettin' a little tight. Can't help eatin' four helpings of potatoes while on vacation. I'd like to say my whole family enjoyed those potatoes. Home grown cookin! Cooking is always best at home. Its' the family, the personal stories, the memories shared around the table!

Went to visit the ole' Alma mater, "The University of Kansas" and my friend the 'Jayhawk"! Rock Chalk Jayhawk! It's been awhile since I've been up on that hill at KU. My children wanted to see their possible future at this campus and so we toured like any tourist and took pictures and walked around on campus and conversed amongst ourselves about family, our stories and memories past.

Poppies. They sure don't look like the Kansas Sunflowers. I went to the National World War I Museum at Liberty Memorial. There were 9000 poppies planted at the museum, each representing 1000 persons who died in this war. This calculates to that over 9 million persons who lost their lives in this global conflict. Family lost, personal stories and memories of courage and honor.

My vacation of mash potatoes, Jayhawks and Poppies. What do these odd varieties have in common? The answer is family. Plain and simple. Think about potatoes for a minute. They grow in a field, cultivated by a family on a farm and passed around from table to table from generation to generation. Many stories told at many of those tables by many a family members. Jayhawks, a Kansas tradition but a tradition held by many. If one is not a Jayhawker I'm most certain one is of something else with a belief system that binds a group of people together, usually family. Then there is the poppy. A flower that represents 9 million lives lost to war. 9 million persons lost in 9 million families. A global war that effected 36 nations, 65 million men and women who had family, belief systems and personal stories of tragedy and loss.

Family, an epic journey that we go on with people that know our past and present. We are bound by that one little word "family".

The Holy family. Joseph, Mary and Jesus. The stories told at their table. The lives effected by these stories told. The wars fought to protect this belief. A transformative time in our world's history's past and present.

My vacation down the yellow brick road............

Time Away

Break away from the hum drum day. Renew, refresh! Yeah right! I haven't had a vacation for almost 8 years! Going home doesn't count and in the few times I've gone home, well, it wasn't the beach, I mean it was fun, don't get me wrong, but there was no sand involved! That's a vacation to me. Sand, sunshine, bikinis, sunblock lotion, beach towels, salty water, sleeping in late and going to bed late. No responsibility, good books, good food and a good time.

I think I am in fantasy land. Maybe I haven't awoke from last nights dream. Geeze, I think even if I went on vacation I would have to go buy myself that nice PURPLE luggage as displayed above. Might even have to buy me some new outfits, new shoes, heck, how bout' a new summer wardrobe to sport around. After all, I'll need new clothes for that new improved body especially for the new bikini. HAHA!! Still dreaming! Wake UP!!! There is no beach vacation, just spring fever, spring break and no beach plans.

There is a show on TV about families that are searching to purchase second homes as 'vacation homes'. They buy homes near the beach, in the mountains or in quaint towns far away from the place where they reside. I am not one of those select few nor do I squander my precious dollars on the lottery in hopes that I would become one of those lucky ones. We work hard for every dollar that comes into our home but it quickly exits our house as fast as it arrives. I often think to myself 'what would I do with a little extra money or a lot of extra money?' Pay off bills, put away for retirement, a little extra money may go a long ways in my neck of the woods. Heck I might even think about a beach house for myself. Maybe not. I know too many people just like myself that would love to share in my 'extra income'. That would give me pleasure. What about you? What would you do with a little extra money? How would it change your life or would it?

I've been thinking about money lately especially since I want a beach vacation. Wanting something I don't have just isn't healthy especially since what I do have is enough. Flipping through the TV stations amazes me because one station may be about adverse countries and giving to the poor and another station is about vacation homes. Will there ever be a balance in this world? Some have way too much while others can barely sustain themselves.

I think we need to have our priorities in order and know what is really important. In Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way." This verse explains it all by saying that if we put God first in everything we do then our priorities will be nothing less than living out our lives according to His will by loving Him and serving Him. The vacation home should not matter nor the vacation. He gives us everything we need. We just need to celebrate the gifts, give thanks and share. I need to remember this when I am just a little too focused on that beach vacation and forgetting to give thanks for the break.

I think I will close my eyes and dream about my vacation. Good night.....

What's your passion?

Once upon a time...... I was looking for a new house in a town I once lived and ran across a home out in the country. I had my list of things that I wanted in a home and one of the items on my list was property, not just a yard, but lots of property. That item is still on my list today. This home that we toured was the home of a college football coach, a well respected man in his profession. His wife was well known as well, but not for football. She was known as the football coaches wife. Her life always looked glamorous. She always seemed to be surrounded by people as if she had lots of friends, but in fact, these people were just associations of her husband. She was his shadow. She went everywhere he went and was known as 'coaches wife'. I felt sorry for this lady while watching her as if her identity was solely that of her husband. Who was she without him?



Who was she really? I got a glimpse of who she was one day when I walked into her home. She was selling her house and I got the pleasure of a grand tour. The attraction of her home for me was that of her country property. However, with a new child on the way I knew the property was not going to be checked off my 'must have' homeowner list any time soon.



This 'coaches wife' was far from my original thought which was a shadow of her husband. I got an all new perspective once I entered her home. She had an amazing passion for art, particularly marbles. She accompanied her husband in his job related games and the like because she loved him and supported him and out of this love that they had for each other they made their house a home. She gave of herself because he was her passion.



When I entered her home I stepped onto rustic wooden floors that created a warmth of being home. Every nook and cranny of the home was filled with glass jars toppled over with colorful glass marbles. The art work on her walls were not the traditional pictures, but splashes of abstract paint framed and called art. This home was inspiring for the eclectic and for the emerging artist or professional one for that matter. Her home was full of life and passion and love.




I've been thinking about my passion. Maybe I've let my passion die. Maybe I've let 'me' become my children. Maybe I have become the husband's wife. I have put quite a bit of thought into this idea especially since my children are growing up and taking on a life of their own. Who am I? What would the stranger see if they walked into my house. Would they be inspired? Would they see passion? Something to consider when thinking about marbles.



Christ had a passion. His passion was to teach people love. His passion was to show us what love was through his life. He lived it, he preached it, he died for it for us. We were his passion.



I don't want to loose myself to marbles, merely because that is not my passion nor do I want to find something just to substitute for my time well spent with my children. I believe in this time of renewal during Lent maybe I am trying to hard on the "renewal" part of Lent. Maybe I haven't let my passion die. Maybe I haven't become my children or the 'husband's shadow. I do believe I have died to self to love one another. I love my children and my husband with a passion. Passion is not only Love, but it is Agony, as well. Jesus' love for us was not always fun. It was hard work and pain and eventually death. He died to himself and gave to others. I am trying to focus on renewal of myself and my passion during Lent. In a fairytale, passion may just seem way to glamorous, like the role of the football coaches' wife. I think in dying of oneself we can find that passion even though it is not glamorous. We can find God. We find our passion through the love and agony of each other.



In HIS humbling way for our sake,
may we follow his example and
share in everlasting life,
through a passion and compassion for each other.



I do have a passion, it's just not marbles and I'm definitely not going to loose any more marbles over this....

Dog Blog

Can't find your way? Lost? disoriented, veered off course, sidetracked, stray, wander, jaunt, roam, stroll, meander, drift, dawdle in the wrong direction????

Here we are again with the delima of the lost dog and the 'lost dog caretaker'. Could I possibly expect anyone to believe that I just got home from work, put on my scrubs to clean the house when I was interrupted, yet once again by unfamiliar dog barks in my front yard. Go figure, another lost dog. Maybe God is trying to tell me to take a break, don't clean the house, and play with the dogs, ruff, ruff!!

All the owners that I have met, with the exception of one, really felt that it was an accident that the dogs got out of their confines. The dogs either dug their way through the fence line or the meter readers didn't shut the gates all the way. It has happened to me and my gate. Yep, left wide open by the meter reader. I just wanted to scream and say, 'you have a responsibility to the owners property and make sure their gate is shut!' Even though my heart wants to believe that they care, I'm convinced they don't. They either don't like dogs or they are so hurried that they are not careful. Either way, it is tearin' families up by losing their dogs.

This big ole' man came and picked up his dog today. He lost his two small puppies as well, but shortly informed me that he found them. They dug their way out from under the fence. It happens! We have to prepare for the uncertainty by providing dog tags, phone numbers and the like, maybe with dogs anyway in the way of preparing.

Preparing for the uncertainty...


hummmmmmmm......

How do we know how to prepare?

I think sometimes we prepare these mental checklists of things that we must do now, things we'll do later and well, those other things that we'll get to when all the other stuff is done. We worry constantly or at least think about those items on our list until we suffer miserably about our frustrations of not marking off any of those items on the list. Exhausting, huh?

There are too many things that will continually throw each of us off course, so sometimes all that preparing is unnecessary. Now don't get me wrong and think I don't prepare, I'm the worst. I've prepare for floods, hurricanes, tornado's, earthquakes and volcano's and we don't even have volcano's nearby. I like to prepare or to think I have things in order. There are many events or people that will continually grab our attention away from what we are doing, in so much, that we end up doing something entirely different. Confusing, very confusing especially when you just think you are getting your head above the water or above the list. How does this happen?

I think God knows how this happens. I think God has his hand in this lost dog situation. I have been so bogged down lately that I have had no time to smile. God knows dogs make me smile. He knew I did not want to clean. My gosh, look at me now. I have not only played with a strange dog, found the owner and now I have been reading my bible and I am now currently blogging and talking to God. He most certainly knows what He is doing and I have had two dog lessons lately to be more aware of His Presence.

He is in the present. At the time I found the dog I wasn't thinking about Him at that particular moment. I was thinking about putting my hands in tubs and toilets just to clean them and how awful it was going to be to do this on such a nice afternoon. I wasn't thinking about how nice it was to have a tub and a toilet instead of a hole in the dirt or going dirty weeks upon end. I was being unappreciative about my role as housekeeper, mother, wife and the like. I was thinking about it as more of a chore than a blessing and failing sometimes in both categories. He brought me back to the present which is Him.

He is my strength and I can embrace responsibility, lists and all the tasks in the world with Him at my side. He gives me joy as I work alongside Him. He gave me a reminder today through the lost dog situation once again. If I don't start listening, he may give me a lost dog everyday until I finally get it in my thick skull that He must be my primary focus!

I sat in the front yard basking in the sun with God's blessing of the little lost dog while waiting for the owner to show up at my door. Without the lost dog, I would not have sat in the sun, laughed at the dog, myself and my stupid lists that I create.

God's precious gift to us is His Love and through His Love we are to Trust! He has prepared the way for us. There is nothing more to prepare. He has already done this for us, we just have to do it His way and only His way. We must accept this gift and be eager to know and love Him.

2 Corinthians 9:8 "God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work."

I'm going to scrub toilets and smile now....bye....