On Eagle's Wings

Today I wanted to soar high in the sky and let go of all the issues that life presents. I wanted to fly like an eagle, spread my wings and soar to a distance never traveled. I am scared of heights but today I didn't want to be afraid because I wanted to do something different today and pretend I wasn't me. I was me, I didn't change, still here and no I did not ride on an eagle's wings. That was just my brain going in another direction because I didn't want to be accountable today, to me or to anyone. My life was pressing for my attention so my day was normal with the exception of the darkness.

I got home today after work and gathered my swim suit and went and swam the line. I tried to let my thoughts go, tried to pray, but there were so many things holding my thoughts captive. I thought the swim would release my mind from the hold that the darkness has on me, but it didn't happen. After the swim I went home and gathered my walking shoes and camera and went for a stroll. The only picture I felt worthy of posting was the path above. I did manage to take a picture of a dog that did his business on the path, but I am kind enough to spare you of this image. I also took a picture of a fire hydrant where the dog should have done his business, but didn't post that picture either.

Accountability: To be accountable.

I think relief is short lived no matter how you think of the word. I think we get relief from knowing that we surpassed something that had a hold on us, whether it be our minds, bodies, jobs, or just day to day annoyances. I feel it is good to be accountable to ourselves and to a special someone. Sometimes I share with my friend my difficulties in life in hopes that she will just say I am justified for having those feelings and sometimes she does and other times she puts it plain and simple and tells me to snap out of it and move on. I think today may have been one of those days I should have moved on but the darkness has a strong hold.

It is good to take inventory of our thoughts and feelings and share them with someone who will listen. It kinda helps put things into perspective and it is also cheaper than counseling. Today I thought my thoughts were unworthy of sharing. As I reflect, I think I should have shared.

After my walk I grabbed my Bible and read and read. I read Psalm 91:1 the assurance of God's protection. There is a song sung by Michael Joncas "On Eagle's Wing" that is about this verse in Psalms.

The song goes like this:

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,

bear you on the breath of dawn,

make you to shine like the sun,

and hold you in the palm of His hand.

On certain occassions we sing it at church but today I read the verse.

Psalm 91:1-6

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of Almighty,

will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God, in who I trust."

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence;

he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day,

or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destrucion that wastes at noonday.

I had an awareness of my inadequacy today. As soon as I thought I had mastered one set of my life's issues another one pops up and challenges me once again. Just when I could account for one matter and relief appears, chaos begins again. God is keeping me on my toes. He doesn't waste any time. He keeps me coming back to Him, he is trying to make me accountable. If life was easy would I go to Him as often? In answering that question, I would hope I would say yes and I do feel that I go to him each day and thank him for all my blessings, but I find that in the chaos I tend to go to him more to try to seek peace and answers and comfort. I mean, who goes to and pays for a counselor when life is grand? In the midst of these difficulties it is hard to see the blessing. I know these are blessings, in retrospect.

I know God can brighten up the dullest of gray days and I know I allowed my mind to deterioriate in the darkness today. Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow I am going to step around the dog poo, or better yet, jump over it or scoot it aside so the next persons doesn't have to deal with poo on the path.

God is the light of my path even when someone craps on it.