Gentleness

I

I awoke this morning with my son delivering a plate of waffles and strawberries to my room. It was a perfect Saturday morning wake up call. My schedule was to be jammed packed today with this and that and more of this and a little more of that. I was not sure how I was going to squeeze anything else into my overflowing itinerary. It's raining outside today and the 'this and that' are going to have to wait. I am glad it is raining today. My son's masterpiece was made with love this morning. His gentle spirit calmed my to do list today. His calm spirit calmed my frenzied spirit. I'm so glad he fed me breakfast.

I have had a dry spell in my writing lately. I have allowed the hustle and bustle to confiscate my life. My life has literally been hijacked. I am spinning out of control. As I conjure up the nerve to suppress the idea that all the items on my list in fact do not need to be done today I find myself in an unhappy place. I want control. I want order. I want things to get done and yet here I am writing while I could possibly be striking off one of those items off the dreaded list. Writing helps. Writing puts all my ideas in perspective. It's prayer. I need prayer. I need God.

Being frenzied is not good. For in this day, I will resolve to let God love me and I will enjoy His peace. As I type these words it is hard to let go and yet my spirit wants to resolve itself of all of life's issues, problems and demands. I want the Lord to be my only circumstance in my life, so why is it so hard? I write about this so often that I feel my journal is becoming redundant. For today I am carrying the weight of the burdens I love instead of my Lord. It seems that my happiness this moment is contingent on whether or not I can make those around me happy. I resolve that I can't. I acknowledge today that I can't change, or fix or heal those around me but I can guide them towards God. This much I do know.

He promised that if I lean on Him I would find comfort and peace. I feel I am the leaning tower of Pisa.

John 14:1-2 "Do not be worried and upset," Jesus told them. "Believe" in God and believe also in me. There are many rooms in my Father's house, and I am going to prepare a place for you. I would not tell you this if it were not so. "

Imagine that the Lord is preparing a place for all of us, including not excluding all of our strengths and of course our weaknesses. When I read God's word and try to absorb that He means me, my heart goes tender. There is such gentleness in His words. I wish I were so gentle. I wish I could remember these words when all of this "earthly stuff" gets in my way of the Lord. I try to imagine what it would be like to just totally trust Him so this 'stuff' doesn't interfere with me and Him. I try to imagine how frustrated he must get when he has to repeat Himself to me just so I can get it for the gazillionth time.

When I had children I thought everything would be rosy or at least peachy! I thought if I show my children the way of the Lord they would listen and follow my lead. I thought they would always follow His lead. I thought about but forgot about temptation. I thought they could resist. Temptation is powerful. God is more powerful. I thought my Lord would not let me down. My Lord didn't, but my children did. I thought that I could fix things, I thought wrong. It is not for me to fix, it is up to my Lord. Our Lord has a room for us and the door is open, will we walk through it? Will they? Will you?

The gentle spirit of my son gave me calm in the storm.

The waffles were good. The LORD is better!