Murky Water

I swam in murky water last night. The pollen was falling faster than the pool could circulate. It was green with debris at the bottom. This is not normal for the pool to be green but probably consistent for this time of year.

I had two options, 1) to swim outdoors in murky waters when the sun was shining and the outdoor temperature was just right or 2) swim indoors with crystal clear water joined by my two girls. I chose the outdoor pool.

My focus was not on green water but on the blue sky's that were directly above me. I was thinking 'fresh air' after being confined indoors all day. I was thinking 'who would want to swim indoors? Certainly not me!"

My initial lap was murky, nothing less than murky and I'm not sure why I thought it would be anything but murky. I kept trying to focus on all the positive items on my list. The second lap was worse. The cool water and warm air combination fogged up my goggles. Any attempt to clear the lenses of pollen and fog proved unsuccessful.

Next option; 1)swim blindly or 2)move to the indoor pool. I chose to swim blindly.

It was real blurry, disgustingly blurry and distasteful when the water swished into my mouth. My mind was wandering what kind of sickness I was going to get from this little exercise adventure. It was irritating to be quite honest. I continued to try to be positive and make the most of it and I was finding myself second guessing my intent to be outdoors.

FYI: I was not a lone duck in the pool. Many other ducks were probably thinking the same thoughts, I'm sure. We are a rare breed. Think about it; what human would swim in cold water in the winter months, murky water for that matter to subject themselves to this kind of nonsense. Quack Quack!

As I was trying to reach beyond the murkiness I started to see clearly that I allow the murkiness of my life to overshadow my clear water. Make sense? I allow the negative events in my life to overshadow the many blessings I have received. We all do it at some point in our lives. Some do it more than others. Some constantly live by being negative. We never allow ourselves to be graced by joy.

My daughter got in a car wreck yesterday. She is bumped and bruised and upset. She is okay! Thanks be to our heavenly Father. We now have 4 almost 5 drivers and two cars now. Cars and insurance are expensive. We will have 2 cars for awhile. It will be very hard accommodating all of our schedules, it will be difficult. We will do it. My daughter thinks God has not been accommodating. She thinks we struggle too much. I told her he accommodated her when he saved her from injury from the car accident. She needs to thank God for this blessing.

It is hard to see God when we are blinded by murky waters, but it is easy to swim through murky waters when God is at your side and we are constantly praising and thanking Him.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything...If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. 12-13 "....In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me."

Swim anyone.....Quack, Quack!

RANDOM MESSAGE

Gifted by family members, I receive several subscriptions to magazines. I find it difficult to read them upon arrival due to my busy schedule, therefore I tote them in my car and pull them out on occasion while waiting for my children when picking them up from their various activities.


I pulled out a stack of magazines the other day dating from as far back as January. Never read them, forgot they existed. Ever have those months? These last three months have past quickly for me. Where did the time go?


I opted to read my spring magazines first. There were a few, a few too many magazines. I'm starting to get that spring fever. It was a bit overwhelming selecting which magazine I was going to read and I felt a sense of guilt for letting some 'good reads' go to waste over such a long period of time.


I need to be inspired. Fresh ideas, change of pace, new colors and a scenery of flowers.



Nesting...refers to an instinct or urge to prepare a home usually for a newborn. I'm not pregnant, but still have the urge to nest! Maybe a strong urge to clean and organize my house.



Home...place of residence or refuge. A dwelling. My idea of a home is a place where you feel safe. For instance: peace, happiness, being content and loved by those around you. Technically, it is a dwelling, plain and simple. A structure.



Change: to transform, convert, different from the ordinary, altered, modified.



In my 'nesting' routine at springtime I usually get this burst of energy to 'change' things up or to create a new space/or look for our 'home'. I do not necessarily buy things as much as I just move furniture around, kids change bedrooms, new recipes, new outdoor plantings and a thorough cleaning of house and car.



I am thrilled and anxiously awaiting the first free weekend.



Back to my magazines...I often wonder why my home never looks like those homes in the pictures or why I can not figure out a way to re-create the space as imagined. I am just thankful for magazines. They stimulate my immagination in this area of cleansing and renewal.



However, in my spring madness of nesting, a sense of peace and fulfillment tends to creep its' way into my heart as I renew the face of my home for my family. It is a jump start for me to give to my family and it is an odd way in which I show love and forgiveness towards my family as we draw closer to the Easter season.


The other day, as I was looking at magazines I got a random phone message from my daughter. She asked for forgiveness for some past choices. Her message was a message of hope of new beginnings and a fresh start for her and our family as she lets go and moves forward. What a lovely reminder during the season of Lent where moving towards the future instead of clinging to the past as we begin a new season is a message of love and forgiveness.


In our obedience to God and in honor towards God we must make the choice to forgive. WE will no longer have to carry the weight of the sin. If we don't forgive neither will be forgiven. God takes away the weight of the world so we may have happiness and life.


Spring, inspiration, forgiveness, life..........and magazines.

The yellow brick road...

This is where the argument began on the road home from a much needed vacation. We all have a certain vision of a vacation. Mine of course is the vacation. It does not include the transportation to and fro with due reason. I get car sick. Very sick. I get anxiety just thinking about traveling as a passenger to and from the destination planned. Anyone else out there like me with the same issue? I have to sit in the front seat, usually in the drivers seat to prevent this illness of motion sickness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but regardless, my family is very aware of the situation.



Well traveled highways are my favorite roads not the road less traveled. Straight, smooth roads not the curvy, hilly or scenic routes seem to be in my favor. I would love to enjoy the view from those curvy, tree laden small town roads but my head would spend most of the time in a bucket regurgitating any small town famous foods that I would have enjoyed previous to the moment. So, with that in mind I do not purposely travel the road less traveled with reason.



It's time to go home from a spring break trip. Time to climb back into the car and hit the road in the wee hours of the morning to avoid the traffic. My husband climbs into the drivers seat, I am happy about this decision because due to his snoring the night before I was only afforded 3 hours of sleep for our 11 hour journey. I just knew I would fall asleep quickly once the car got rollin. It didn't take long, maybe 10 minutes I was out only to be awaken by a small curve in the road. Curve? What curve? How could there be a curve in the road on that straight highway?




My husband pulled a quick one and he thought I wouldn't notice after all, I was asleep. Let me express to those of you who do not experience motion sickness that by experiencing a mere curve in the road makes me feel as if I have just came down with the flu, the stomach flu. I do not know what was worse, my flu like symptoms or my anger. I don't even know if it was anger as much as it was rage. We switch positions quickly and I drove the rest of the way, did I mention by the way with only three hours of sleep?




How dare he!!!! I completely was taken by surprise and so was he when I expressed my dissatisfaction with him the whole way home. I was not nice, but then again, neither was he. Now I don't want to hang my laundry out in the open, so to speak, but I was a miserable
passenger and a miserable driver due to my lack of energy. How could he? Who was he thinking of in the midst of this road map change?




So, I got to thinking that how could he possibly know what it is like to feel sick every time you get in the car. Maybe he was just thinking he would get us home quicker since it was the less traveled road and we would arrive at our destination sooner. (side note: it took us several hours longer) Maybe he wasn't being purposely manipulative to drive the way he wanted to drive, maybe he was thinking about us the whole time he change our course of direction. Maybe I was not looking at his true intention which was a well less traveled road. You know, less cars, less traffic, quicker, safer way home.




Why did I jump to conclusions? I guess one could say I really didn't jump to conclusions but my stomach spoke for me. My stomach is the one that jumped.




The road less traveled...it is easy to always follow in the path of others, not stepping out of line or doing something different. It takes courage and honor to have a belief so strong that one risks being considered different just because he follows the road less traveled.




It was hard for Peter, Jesus' apostle to admit to those who asked him if he was a follower of Jesus. He who promised Jesus that he would stand by his side actually denied Him three times before Jesus' death. Personal, individual accounts of one's own perspective may differ from the next. We must stand to listen, not judge as Peter feared of those who questioned him.




Hearing and listening.

I questioned my husband about his intent, but I didn't listen. He hears of my experiences, but doesn't listen. We were both wrong. We thought we were both right. Our journey was a long journey. I think about what could have been versus what it was that day we traveled home. How often do we mis-communicate our intents and how often do we hear and not listen?



Peter was very sad when he denied Jesus the third time. I was sad I denied my husband love on our journey home. I denied Jesus on that yellow brick road.



Hear ye Hear Ye, but listen as well!

Time well spent

What do mashed potatoes, a Kansas Jayhawk and poppies all have in common? We'll get to the answer a little later, but first, I went on vacation. I went to Kansas. Yep, that's right Dorthy, red slippers and all. The sunflower state, the midwest, yep right smack dab in the middle. That's where I went on vacation, Kansas! Went to visit family! Good Ole Kansas City! Dorothy went home!

It's quite amazing how delicious homemade mashed potatoes can be when you do not have to cook them. Same recipe, same kind of potato, just a different place. Button on the ole' pants gettin' a little tight. Can't help eatin' four helpings of potatoes while on vacation. I'd like to say my whole family enjoyed those potatoes. Home grown cookin! Cooking is always best at home. Its' the family, the personal stories, the memories shared around the table!

Went to visit the ole' Alma mater, "The University of Kansas" and my friend the 'Jayhawk"! Rock Chalk Jayhawk! It's been awhile since I've been up on that hill at KU. My children wanted to see their possible future at this campus and so we toured like any tourist and took pictures and walked around on campus and conversed amongst ourselves about family, our stories and memories past.

Poppies. They sure don't look like the Kansas Sunflowers. I went to the National World War I Museum at Liberty Memorial. There were 9000 poppies planted at the museum, each representing 1000 persons who died in this war. This calculates to that over 9 million persons who lost their lives in this global conflict. Family lost, personal stories and memories of courage and honor.

My vacation of mash potatoes, Jayhawks and Poppies. What do these odd varieties have in common? The answer is family. Plain and simple. Think about potatoes for a minute. They grow in a field, cultivated by a family on a farm and passed around from table to table from generation to generation. Many stories told at many of those tables by many a family members. Jayhawks, a Kansas tradition but a tradition held by many. If one is not a Jayhawker I'm most certain one is of something else with a belief system that binds a group of people together, usually family. Then there is the poppy. A flower that represents 9 million lives lost to war. 9 million persons lost in 9 million families. A global war that effected 36 nations, 65 million men and women who had family, belief systems and personal stories of tragedy and loss.

Family, an epic journey that we go on with people that know our past and present. We are bound by that one little word "family".

The Holy family. Joseph, Mary and Jesus. The stories told at their table. The lives effected by these stories told. The wars fought to protect this belief. A transformative time in our world's history's past and present.

My vacation down the yellow brick road............

Time Away

Break away from the hum drum day. Renew, refresh! Yeah right! I haven't had a vacation for almost 8 years! Going home doesn't count and in the few times I've gone home, well, it wasn't the beach, I mean it was fun, don't get me wrong, but there was no sand involved! That's a vacation to me. Sand, sunshine, bikinis, sunblock lotion, beach towels, salty water, sleeping in late and going to bed late. No responsibility, good books, good food and a good time.

I think I am in fantasy land. Maybe I haven't awoke from last nights dream. Geeze, I think even if I went on vacation I would have to go buy myself that nice PURPLE luggage as displayed above. Might even have to buy me some new outfits, new shoes, heck, how bout' a new summer wardrobe to sport around. After all, I'll need new clothes for that new improved body especially for the new bikini. HAHA!! Still dreaming! Wake UP!!! There is no beach vacation, just spring fever, spring break and no beach plans.

There is a show on TV about families that are searching to purchase second homes as 'vacation homes'. They buy homes near the beach, in the mountains or in quaint towns far away from the place where they reside. I am not one of those select few nor do I squander my precious dollars on the lottery in hopes that I would become one of those lucky ones. We work hard for every dollar that comes into our home but it quickly exits our house as fast as it arrives. I often think to myself 'what would I do with a little extra money or a lot of extra money?' Pay off bills, put away for retirement, a little extra money may go a long ways in my neck of the woods. Heck I might even think about a beach house for myself. Maybe not. I know too many people just like myself that would love to share in my 'extra income'. That would give me pleasure. What about you? What would you do with a little extra money? How would it change your life or would it?

I've been thinking about money lately especially since I want a beach vacation. Wanting something I don't have just isn't healthy especially since what I do have is enough. Flipping through the TV stations amazes me because one station may be about adverse countries and giving to the poor and another station is about vacation homes. Will there ever be a balance in this world? Some have way too much while others can barely sustain themselves.

I think we need to have our priorities in order and know what is really important. In Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way." This verse explains it all by saying that if we put God first in everything we do then our priorities will be nothing less than living out our lives according to His will by loving Him and serving Him. The vacation home should not matter nor the vacation. He gives us everything we need. We just need to celebrate the gifts, give thanks and share. I need to remember this when I am just a little too focused on that beach vacation and forgetting to give thanks for the break.

I think I will close my eyes and dream about my vacation. Good night.....

What's your passion?

Once upon a time...... I was looking for a new house in a town I once lived and ran across a home out in the country. I had my list of things that I wanted in a home and one of the items on my list was property, not just a yard, but lots of property. That item is still on my list today. This home that we toured was the home of a college football coach, a well respected man in his profession. His wife was well known as well, but not for football. She was known as the football coaches wife. Her life always looked glamorous. She always seemed to be surrounded by people as if she had lots of friends, but in fact, these people were just associations of her husband. She was his shadow. She went everywhere he went and was known as 'coaches wife'. I felt sorry for this lady while watching her as if her identity was solely that of her husband. Who was she without him?



Who was she really? I got a glimpse of who she was one day when I walked into her home. She was selling her house and I got the pleasure of a grand tour. The attraction of her home for me was that of her country property. However, with a new child on the way I knew the property was not going to be checked off my 'must have' homeowner list any time soon.



This 'coaches wife' was far from my original thought which was a shadow of her husband. I got an all new perspective once I entered her home. She had an amazing passion for art, particularly marbles. She accompanied her husband in his job related games and the like because she loved him and supported him and out of this love that they had for each other they made their house a home. She gave of herself because he was her passion.



When I entered her home I stepped onto rustic wooden floors that created a warmth of being home. Every nook and cranny of the home was filled with glass jars toppled over with colorful glass marbles. The art work on her walls were not the traditional pictures, but splashes of abstract paint framed and called art. This home was inspiring for the eclectic and for the emerging artist or professional one for that matter. Her home was full of life and passion and love.




I've been thinking about my passion. Maybe I've let my passion die. Maybe I've let 'me' become my children. Maybe I have become the husband's wife. I have put quite a bit of thought into this idea especially since my children are growing up and taking on a life of their own. Who am I? What would the stranger see if they walked into my house. Would they be inspired? Would they see passion? Something to consider when thinking about marbles.



Christ had a passion. His passion was to teach people love. His passion was to show us what love was through his life. He lived it, he preached it, he died for it for us. We were his passion.



I don't want to loose myself to marbles, merely because that is not my passion nor do I want to find something just to substitute for my time well spent with my children. I believe in this time of renewal during Lent maybe I am trying to hard on the "renewal" part of Lent. Maybe I haven't let my passion die. Maybe I haven't become my children or the 'husband's shadow. I do believe I have died to self to love one another. I love my children and my husband with a passion. Passion is not only Love, but it is Agony, as well. Jesus' love for us was not always fun. It was hard work and pain and eventually death. He died to himself and gave to others. I am trying to focus on renewal of myself and my passion during Lent. In a fairytale, passion may just seem way to glamorous, like the role of the football coaches' wife. I think in dying of oneself we can find that passion even though it is not glamorous. We can find God. We find our passion through the love and agony of each other.



In HIS humbling way for our sake,
may we follow his example and
share in everlasting life,
through a passion and compassion for each other.



I do have a passion, it's just not marbles and I'm definitely not going to loose any more marbles over this....

Dog Blog

Can't find your way? Lost? disoriented, veered off course, sidetracked, stray, wander, jaunt, roam, stroll, meander, drift, dawdle in the wrong direction????

Here we are again with the delima of the lost dog and the 'lost dog caretaker'. Could I possibly expect anyone to believe that I just got home from work, put on my scrubs to clean the house when I was interrupted, yet once again by unfamiliar dog barks in my front yard. Go figure, another lost dog. Maybe God is trying to tell me to take a break, don't clean the house, and play with the dogs, ruff, ruff!!

All the owners that I have met, with the exception of one, really felt that it was an accident that the dogs got out of their confines. The dogs either dug their way through the fence line or the meter readers didn't shut the gates all the way. It has happened to me and my gate. Yep, left wide open by the meter reader. I just wanted to scream and say, 'you have a responsibility to the owners property and make sure their gate is shut!' Even though my heart wants to believe that they care, I'm convinced they don't. They either don't like dogs or they are so hurried that they are not careful. Either way, it is tearin' families up by losing their dogs.

This big ole' man came and picked up his dog today. He lost his two small puppies as well, but shortly informed me that he found them. They dug their way out from under the fence. It happens! We have to prepare for the uncertainty by providing dog tags, phone numbers and the like, maybe with dogs anyway in the way of preparing.

Preparing for the uncertainty...


hummmmmmmm......

How do we know how to prepare?

I think sometimes we prepare these mental checklists of things that we must do now, things we'll do later and well, those other things that we'll get to when all the other stuff is done. We worry constantly or at least think about those items on our list until we suffer miserably about our frustrations of not marking off any of those items on the list. Exhausting, huh?

There are too many things that will continually throw each of us off course, so sometimes all that preparing is unnecessary. Now don't get me wrong and think I don't prepare, I'm the worst. I've prepare for floods, hurricanes, tornado's, earthquakes and volcano's and we don't even have volcano's nearby. I like to prepare or to think I have things in order. There are many events or people that will continually grab our attention away from what we are doing, in so much, that we end up doing something entirely different. Confusing, very confusing especially when you just think you are getting your head above the water or above the list. How does this happen?

I think God knows how this happens. I think God has his hand in this lost dog situation. I have been so bogged down lately that I have had no time to smile. God knows dogs make me smile. He knew I did not want to clean. My gosh, look at me now. I have not only played with a strange dog, found the owner and now I have been reading my bible and I am now currently blogging and talking to God. He most certainly knows what He is doing and I have had two dog lessons lately to be more aware of His Presence.

He is in the present. At the time I found the dog I wasn't thinking about Him at that particular moment. I was thinking about putting my hands in tubs and toilets just to clean them and how awful it was going to be to do this on such a nice afternoon. I wasn't thinking about how nice it was to have a tub and a toilet instead of a hole in the dirt or going dirty weeks upon end. I was being unappreciative about my role as housekeeper, mother, wife and the like. I was thinking about it as more of a chore than a blessing and failing sometimes in both categories. He brought me back to the present which is Him.

He is my strength and I can embrace responsibility, lists and all the tasks in the world with Him at my side. He gives me joy as I work alongside Him. He gave me a reminder today through the lost dog situation once again. If I don't start listening, he may give me a lost dog everyday until I finally get it in my thick skull that He must be my primary focus!

I sat in the front yard basking in the sun with God's blessing of the little lost dog while waiting for the owner to show up at my door. Without the lost dog, I would not have sat in the sun, laughed at the dog, myself and my stupid lists that I create.

God's precious gift to us is His Love and through His Love we are to Trust! He has prepared the way for us. There is nothing more to prepare. He has already done this for us, we just have to do it His way and only His way. We must accept this gift and be eager to know and love Him.

2 Corinthians 9:8 "God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work."

I'm going to scrub toilets and smile now....bye....

To Gravitate

Here's the thing..... ooops, that probably isn't grammatically correct by starting the sentence with "here's the thing", but here's the thing......

Just when I think I am going to have a day off and relax something usually gravitates toward me that changes my course for the day.

So I had the day off and I decided I was going to clean my house in my pajamas once everyone was off to school and work. Haha.... I had one home sick and another one, well, she didn't have anywhere to go so I got the pleasure to have her company as well, for the day.

I just wanted to clean my house. That was my goal. It was a big goal but, I was determined. The first hour I got busy and then my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor and I ended up going up to her house to visit for about 45 minutes in my pj's of course (she didn't mind) and I really rather quite enjoyed myself until the unexpected phone call came. It was my girls. Why couldn't they just let me be for the moment...????........

They saw two stray dogs in my driveway and they thought I needed to help them. Let me back up a bit in my story..... If there is a stray dog in the neighborhood they will not be lost for long because they always and I mean always find their way to my driveway!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My girls told me to come outside and as my friend and I did, the girls were standing with one of the two dogs on a lease in my neighbors driveway waiting for me to respond. Every blasted time this happens my heart starts racing. My girls probably know this by now because that is why they interrupted me. They know I'll take care of these lost little critters. My girls were not happy with themselves because they couldn't get the other dog on the lease because it was too scared. It ran away.

I sat on the driveway and the golden dog on the lease came up to me with its' tail wagging and literally curled up on my lap and started licking me. I've never seen this dog before. I must of reminded it of its' owner. I pet it and rubbed its' belly and let it lick me. The whole time I was praying it didn't have worms or some disgusting parasite or better yet, I was hoping it wouldn't take a hunk out of my face and start biting me. Somehow this dog knew I was going to take care of it. They all know. I don't know how this happens because sometimes I just don't want the job of the lost dog caretaker.

I have a statue of St. Francis in my front yard and I think all the animals know who St. Francis is so maybe that's why they come to my house. Maybe I'll take the statue down. Maybe not....

My girls were over anxious about the other dog that was still wandering around so we hunted it down after walking miles upon end and I finally came across it on a front porch curled up in a ball shaking. It was scared and lonely for its' people. It wanted to go home. Of course, it was on the wrong porch so we were stumped. Here we had two dogs and I had no place to take them. We took their pictures and posted them on 20 stop signs around the neighborhood with my phone number in hopes that their owner would call. I then proceeded to take them to the Humane Society to see if they would hold them until the owner claimed the prize. They would hold them for 96 hours then they faced the possibility of being euthanized. All in all, this took over four hours to secure the dogs, post the pictures and to go to the Humane Society. So much for cleaning.

I waited and waited and waited for that phone call. I got nothing done all day long. Nothing!!!!! Why me? Why did I come outside to see those furry little animals? Why, Why Why????

Finally the call came. A crying woman was on the phone wanting her dogs. She came to my house and I gave her instructions as to their whereabouts and she could not thank me enough. I was just glad she came because in 96 hours I faced the possibility of having two more dogs at my house because there was no way I was going to be responsible for letting those two precious dogs die. What a guilt trip that would be to have on my conscience. Wait a minute, why was I going to feel guilty? I did everything possible to help them. Yep, guilt. I would have had it or I would of had two new dogs added to my family until I could find someone to keep them. I really didn't want to think about that possibility.

Gravitation.... the force of attraction, a movement or tendency toward something or someone.

I think my personality always gravitates towards trying to fix things. I don't know if it is the nature of motherhood that comes out in me in these situations, you know the "mother bear" syndrome but, I can't just walk away until the situation is under control. I respond like a mother bear trying to protect her young. There are some people who might see the dogs, for instance and not think twice about it. There are times I wish I could do that but, when I see the faces of the owners finding their loved ones my heart is jumpin' with joy and it is a constant reminder the next time I see a lost dog. My girls say I did a good deed today. I remind them that they are the ones that did a good deed because they called my attention to the dogs. I think I have taught them a good thing or two.


The Golden Rule: Matthew 7:12 "Do to others whatever you would have them do to you. This is the law and the prophets.


I am not a Biblical scholar but, I do know this; I would hope that someone would help save my dogs if they got out of their fence as these two dogs did this day. I would be so sad if I lost my dogs. They are my family and I love them very much. It would have been much easier that day to let those dogs wander, possibly get hit by a car or better yet, starve. I could have gotten my house cleaned too! But I chose, hesitantly to change my course of plans for the day and let those dogs in my life. It wasn't easy and I am not patting myself on the back or giving myself kudos in public. What I am doing is admitting that I really wanted those dogs to go away. I didn't want to help. I wanted to shut the door so the situation would go away. By opening the door I helped my neighbor find her dogs and I think God knew I did not need two more dogs so he helped me do this deed. He held my hand while the work was being done, so to speak. I let him use me as his instrument. Sometimes that is not easy and I know this day I was angry because I didn't want to be used for that purpose. Letting go, letting God. Accepting............what is..............

If you haven't read the Beatitudes lately, please read them. They are beautiful! Go slowly, meditate upon each one. It is a good way to renew our relationship with God. You'll find them in Matthew 5: 1-12.

As for me, I'm back to cleaning, have a good day............

Lesson number one and two

You all know what this is called, the all infamous iPhone. I have owned one for about a year and a half too long. I'm an iPhone addict. Literally, I do not go anywhere without my iPhone. I wake up to it, go to bed with it and it spends the whole day with me. I spend more time with this iPhone than I do my family and friends.


No offense, but when I see other people with other phones other than the iPhone, I think to myself, they just don't get it. I mean who would want any other phone than the iPhone. I had to save big time to get this phone, but I believe it was every penny well spent. I've had tons of phones, particularly in the week before I was choosing the iPhone. AT&T didn't like me very well the first week before I got this phone because I tried out all other phones before I chose this one. I would buy one and return it the next day only to buy and return another one until finally I chose this baby. It is my baby too. I shine it in the morning, update it's information, give it's brains brain food by uploading information and it knows how much I love it cause I am its' companion all day.


This little black, shiny, sleek piece of metal and glass and who knows whatever else was a great temptation for the weak, which in case you didn't guess, was me.


My phone broke three days ago. Lots of my information was not saved properly, my fault for letting my children back it up improperly and I lost everything, I mean everything!!!!!


I was furious! I was angry! I was unforgiving! I just plain could not understand how this happened to me. I thought I was finally getting out from the black clouds only to discover darker ones.


My appointment with the apple store got me a new phone, thank goodness for extended warranties. Now the work begins.... adding all my information, addresses, phone numbers, emails, notes, and the like. Lots of finger exercise ahead of me. Its' going to be a long weekend. Forget the kids and the husband, I have to get my baby up and running.


Do I sound pathetic or what? Who calls their iPhone "baby"? (probably everyone that owns an iPhone). I think what really sounds pathetic is that I think I can not live without this little piece of technology. What in the world did I do before I got this expensive toy?


So, I have gathered all my information ready to load it up on my first free weekend of the month, which happens to start tomorrow morning. What a way to spend it, huh?


I've been thinking about how upset I got over my broken phone right now and the situation that I got myself into today. Maybe or probably or yes, I have been idolizing this phone way too much. I'm not so sure God would be to happy about my behavior in regards to my idolizing. Say it however you like, but I have been idolizing this phone ever since I bought it. Its' the truth. I've been a rule breaker big time. I think God needed to set me straight about this idolizing stuff. It was a big lesson in my book.


The first Commandment states: "I am the Lord your God: you shall not have strange gods before me. " Exodus 20


I believe only God is worthy of our worship. I don't believe I worship my iPhone, but I was coming pretty close. To worship someone or something means that we are putting them right smack dab in the center of our lives. I think if that someone/thing weakens our friendship with God then we've allowed ourselves to have idols. I forgot about God when I yelled at my children for messing things up. It aches my heart to think I am guilty or coming close to being guilty of rule breakin'.


We have to realized that nothing, people or things, can ever take the place of God.


Lesson in life and Rule Number One: No Idols!!!!!!!


Lesson in life and Rule Number Two: Back up your own iPhone!!!!!!

Perspective

Right now, this day, this hour when I look at this picture I see the black clouds. I see the black clouds because I feel like there is one hanging over my head, shoulders, feet and heart. It feels heavy, thick, suffocating and despair.

However, some may look at this picture and focus on the light rays shining through those dark clouds. They may feel hope, happiness, warmth and love. I guess our feelings that we conjure up after looking at this picture depends on where we are at emotionally each day. The funny thing is this picture could look different tomorrow.

Today, I feel gloom. I feel heaviness. I feel weighted down by all the baggage that is brought into my home on occasion. I am a mom and I feel responsible to fix it all the baggage and make it right for those that I love. Love is so deep and so is their baggage. Their pains, my pains, it is all the same.

Today, I am going to try to escape from the dark clouds and feel the rays of sunshine on my back. I need to practice the saying "letting go and letting God." This letting go part is hard for everyone and it is hard to admit that we all carry a sense of arrogance in thinking we are not seeing the dark clouds by our words or actions. Our emotions effect those around us, good or bad. I'm not proud of my emotions, but they are mine and I own them and I am going to try to change those today but what I really wish is that I could change the circumstances that surround them.

I have a really good friend that sent me this little meditation yesterday, how fitting considering my state. Thought I would share it.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.



"

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God... One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it.'

.....the black cloud that I am seeing today may be from the fire that I was engulfed in yesterday.

I am starting to feel warm again from the rays of sunshine.

Remember that God has his eye on you and me and He will keep watching us until he sees His image in us.

It's all about perspective...........and letting go, letting God.

Spiritually Hungry

Givin' up stuff, it's a hard thing to do especially when you don't want to give it up.



We went out to eat for Valentines with the kids last night. We just couldn't go it alone on this special day and make their valentines day dull. After all, Valentines is all about 'love' regardless if its' your mate or your kids. That's how I see this day of celebration and it was the love that made those kids. There are other days we can go it alone, but I wanted to make my kids feel special.



We walked into the restaurant and we were given many mardi gras beads to wear during dinner and to take home once finished. Their beads were unusual. The beads were not the usual color of green, gold and purple. They were fire engine red made of hearts but all the glam and glitz was just the same.



Those beads got us all thinking about Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday and the Lenten Season and the "givin' up" part of this time of year. I actually probably drew more thought about it because I'm still thinking about it as I write.



Fat Tuesday: We feast this day because during the next 40 days during of Lent we Fast. We meditate about our blessings.



Ash Wednesday: On this day a cross is traced on our forehead with ashes and we hear the words, "Turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel". It is an external sign or reminder of the time ahead that we are preparing.


Lent: It is a time to renew our efforts to live out the Gospel by loving one another.


My son loves ice cream. He has my genes. We were thinking the same thing as we glanced at each other across the dinner table.


Every year it gets harder, not easier, because we remember the pain of the wanting and the desire of the ice cream and denying ourselves something that we could do without. We were both thinking about the ice cream that will be missing our bellies.


So, tomorrow, Fat Tuesday we eat everything that we are going to give up for the next 40 days. My son said he was going to have ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He was going to eat it all day long. I think I will join him.


We think about what we want to give up and what we can do to better live out the gospel. We celebrate forgiveness and confess our sins in these 40 days of renewal.


We will clean out the tub of ice cream, lick our bowl clean and instead of our tummies becoming hungry for ice cream we become spiritually hungry for God's word.


We examine our conscience.
We reflect.
We forgive.
We remember what was given up for us so we can 'have' today.
We contemplate and say "Lord what did I do today that was not pleasing to you so that we can have peace in our hearts?"


"If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8: 31-32


Ice cream anyone?

Happy Valentines Day!

What I love............in no particular order.........

purple

my dogs

music

dancing by myself

butterfly kisses from my children

babies and nursing

yard work

painting

sewing

smell of rain

smell of dryer sheets

snow

flowers popping out of the ground

Jesus

cleaning my house

coffee

old sweat pants

Sade and Santana

Cat Stevens and Carol King

Solitude for praying

mango smell

organization

staying home

rolly pollies

stain glass in churches

my grandparents

the beach

gentleness

sincere people

Mother Teresa

Pope John Paul

dishes (i love dishes)

cups of all kinds

Tulips

baggy clothes

morning dew

reading my bible in the morning

breakfast

my children snuggling with me on Sunday morning

church music

family visiting

quilts

swimming

watching my children laugh

kisses on my neck from my husband

my man holding me

my moms home cooking and her selflessness

my dads voice

my sisters smile

my brothers humor

friends who listen

block parties

sitting in the hot sun

sound of music

watches

feeling pretty

Telling people I love them!

2nd Miracle

When you look at this picture above, what do you feel inside? Every time I see a hospital bed it brings on feelings of being sullen, heavy-hearted, despair, cold, isolated, dreary, panicky, nervousness, apprehension, and sometimes a feeling of being powerless, and the list goes on...... I do not have fond memories of the hospital. I have spent many days and nights at hospitals and doctor's offices healing my children back to health. I know it is a place of healing and that is a "good thing" but my own personal experiences are of fear. Even though I have had personal joy in hospital, for example..giving birth to 4 children, I still get a feeling of gloom.




I call this the "second miracle" because I believe it was the second miracle in the life of my first child.




The story goes like this...... My husband was out of town and anyone that knows me well enough knows that when he is gone it doesn't rain or pour at my house, it floods..... In other words, if it can go wrong, it will and whatever is about ready to break, "it" waits patiently until my husband walks out the door and then things start falling apart. People used to say I should appreciate my husband and his husbandry skills, I would just say, "I do appreciate him but more importantly I appreciate things when working properly." I used to have apprehension when he would leave but now I am numb to the "breakin and the fixin" and I just say "bring it on".




I didn't know that my child would "break" or get sick enough that she would have to be hospitalized when my husband was gone. She was real sick. She had asthma and she was young. She was young enough that she really didn't speak in complete sentences yet. Her knowledge of the world was her mom and dad that loved her and her bedroom filled with her toys. That was her world. We did not live near family and the town was new to us. We had no support system. It was just the three of us.




Our daughter loved books. We would make up our own words when flipping through the pictures of the books because she could not sit still long enough for me to read all the words. We would read many bible stories. We called Jesus by his name, Mother Mary by Jesus' mommy, and the Guardian Angels were called people with wings that watch over us. Our stories were simple but they were stories that we visited many nights before she would go to bed as part of her night time prayers.




She just couldn't catch her breath and the wheezing kept going on. As a parent I would second guess myself. Sometimes I would take her into the doctor's office only to be told she was fine and then the minute I didn't take her in she would be really sick. It was hard to tell with her because her condition could take a turn for the worse very quickly. This time however, I knew she was sick. The breathing was labored and she just wasn't smiling anymore. My instincts took over and we were at the door steps of the hospital. My husband was out of town. I was lonely and scared. I was a new mother with very little experience.




She was admitted. The nurses put her in a zipped up tent that went all around her and the bed. She was on the inside looking out and I on the out looking in at her. We were used to holding one another. There just wasn't room for the both of us and I definitely didn't need to be medicated as well so I remained outside the tent of the bed. This was scary for my little girl. She cried and cried.




12 hours had passed by and she was being managed very well by the nursing staff. She had her eyes fixated on me and she would cry trying to get outside the tent. It just wasn't the same and she knew it but she would be calm on and off. In her calm moments I would try to step out of the hospital room for a break and the crying would begin again. I knew I needed a break, a little food, a little drink. The nurses stepped up to help and told me to get some fresh air. I did.



As I walked out of the room the screaming and crying intensified. I prayed that it would cease and she would be at peace. I heard her as I turned the corner of the long hallway and entered the elevator. I started crying too and wondering why I had to do this all alone. As I look back, was I really all alone? At that moment I felt so isolated and helpless that my sobs were probably bigger that hers. I believe it is true that when your children are hurting you feel their pain too.




I got fresh air and I paced nervously and questioned why I was being so selfish by leaving her. The guilt weighed heavily on my heart. She was my child and she needed me and here I was abandoning her by getting fresh air. The guilt out weighed my need to breath in the air and relax and so I immediately headed back to the room.




Upon arriving on her floor there was a stillness, a quiet that I had not heard on her floor before, after all it was a pediatric floor. I thought maybe I was on the wrong floor. I went back to the elevator and checked the number of the floor. I was right, I was on the right floor.




I walked past the nurses station and all the nurses looked at me and smiled. They all had an angelic-like look about them.




As I entered my daughters room she was sitting there looking at her book. She looked up at me and said "hi mommy" as she smiled. I hugged her and told her I was sorry for leaving her and that I was glad she wasn't crying any longer. At that moment she started talking like she was 15 years old. Her sentences were complete and she pronounced words that she had never pronounced before.




She said "Mommy, don't worry. Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels said I would be just fine". She spoke with such confidence and eloquence that it took me a moment to remember what I had said to her to get such a intellectual response from her. She repeated it once again "Mommy, I said don't worry! Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels said I would be just fine" and she then continued looking at her book.




What two year old spoke like that? Certainly not my two year old and she certainly didn't know that the people with wings were called Guardian Angels or Jesus' mommy was called Mother Mary. We used simple words with simple meanings. We were simple in our faith and she was only about two years old.




I believe that day that Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels visited my daughter in the hospital room. They calmed and comforted her and more importantly comforted me. I looked around the room waiting for them to appear again. I had my blinders on because they were already there holding us both. We are their children and they felt our pain that day and they came to comfort us.




For that short period of time that my child was in the hospital, my belief was once again strengthened. This was my own personal journey on that road to Emmaus like the disciples. My eyes were blinded of His presence. Later, much later, did I fully understand what really happened. He loves the little ones and the big ones too and he is always healing, comforting and loving us each day.




Thank You Jesus, Mother Mary and the Guardian Angels for holding my little one. Amen

A Lizard not a Zebra!

This is going to send goosebumps up your spine...or maybe lizards... depending upon where you are standing. If it is on my front porch, probably lizards.


We have numerous lizards on our front porch. I used to love my front porch. I have two chairs and a small table and I used to sit and drink coffee and eat a muffin in the mornings while waiting for my daughter's bus to come by and pick her up for school. The key word I am using is the word "used to". I don't sit and relax anymore on the porch because of the lizards. They annoy me when I am trying to relax. How do you relax when you know there is some little green, brown sometimes white little critter lurking around your plate. I'm afraid one of those lizards is going to slip into my coffee and I am going to be slurping down its' tail. The thought makes me not want to drink any fluid other than very clear water so I can see to the bottom of the glass.


I keep my umbrellas and rain boots on the front porch. Have you ever slipped your foot in your rain boots and felt lizards roaming around on your feet or have you opened up your umbrella to discover lizards raining on your head? I have done this and it is not very comforting. I'm sure the neighbors are used to this sight and sound by now. Imagine an umbrella going airborne across the yard followed by blood curteling screams. I've taken notice lately that my neighbors do not have their rainboots or umbrellas on their front porch. Hummmm.......


There is a point here........... lizards are lizards not zebras or elephants. They don't change into dogs nor do dogs into cats. We are constant as are they. It doesn't mean that our bodies don't change or our minds don't grow because they do change, that part is not constant. However, that fact that we are human and they are "critters" is how God planned it all when he created us, but God is Constant and he is ever welcoming us into His care.


So I have been thinking about trials that we encounter everyday of our lives. Some trials seem to never cease or we become inundated by new ones. I think Satan's goal is to harrass and torment us so that we will loose hope and become torn and weak. So you ask, what does this have to do about lizards. Well, I got to thinking the other day that I really love my front porch and I was not going to let those lizards bother me anymore. I was going to stand strong, be firm and embrace (yuck) those critters or the front porch is a waste. Sometimes facing the fear or the trial is tough. Tough enough that sometimes we don't face our trials with God at our side because we don't invite Him only because we feel we can navigate through them on our own. When we do this on our own we can become weak in faith and persistent in doubt and loose hope in our God.

So back to Satan and trials..... He is persistant and stubborn and and he consistently tries out every avenue to be a nagging presence in our lives. He wants us to loose hope and to be slaves to sin. But in our trials we must not loose hope, but to navigate through them and allow God to help us.

Romans 5:3 "affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been givento us. "


Think about Abraham and Sarah for a moment. Their trial was in the fact that their bodies were old, very old and they wanted to bare children. "He believed, hoping against hope, that he would become "the father of many nations," Romans 4:18 "He did not doubt God's promise in unbelief; rather, he was empowered by faith and gave glory to God..." Romans 4:20 He became the father of many by just having faith and allowing God's grace to flow.


God can do anything and He can help us in our trials if we let Him. HE is CONSTANT! HE is GOD!! God may not be able to make a square round and still call it a square, but He can walk with us in our trials.


"in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39


It's raining outside and I need to get my umbrella.........

Birds eye view

Up, looking down....or down looking up....a birds eye view. Sometimes, and I mean sometimes, I wish I were a bird. I only wish this for the view. It's got to be beautiful way up there looking down. I am petrified of heights. Actually, I am glad God made me a human with two legs to walk on the earth. Every now and then some of us get the opportunity to fly in an airplane and see these breathtaking earth forms. We're still not birds. They get to do this constantly as they move about during their days and nights.

I like to watch people. I could drive to a mall or baseball/football stadium, a park and sit and watch people all day. I don't do this, but on occasion when I am tired of shopping or doing whatever I am doing, I sit and watch. I watch how people interact, how they dress, how they walk, their expressions, their body figures and I wonder if they are happy and I wonder if I would have anything in common with those strangers.

I sat at a swim meet yesterday. I sat with my daughter and we played checkers, read books ate popcorn and I watched people. I watched people greeting other people, yelling with passion for their children in a race, looking intently at their children's times and I watched the children on deck preparing for a swim, swimming, getting out and being greeted by their team mates for a job well done. People interacting in a fond, enthusiastic, spirited way with each other for 5 hours.

We all do it and sometimes we don't realize it, but we judge. There are times we let our minds wonder and we find ourselves judging others compared to ourselves. We may think "that person needs to change their fashion statement", or "I'll never let myself get that large in size." Maybe we don't intend to do any judging, but at one point in our lives we began noticing with our eyes our differences. It is a beautiful thing, our differences. What is not beautiful is when the eye of the beholder diminishes the beauty of the person. It sometimes can become a terrible habit. Habits are hard to change, but change is good. This habit becomes a transgression that does not create a positive feeling and specifically creates negative energy.

As I watched people yesterday, I tried to find one beautiful feature about each person I focused my eyes on for that moment. It is a practice that takes time and a constant reminder to ourselves that we each have an inner and outer beauty created by our God. This practice can in fact rid us of old habits that we might possess and have incurred over time. This method can become very endearing as we find beauty in one another.

Keeping focus on God daily, bringing our thoughts to him when our mind starts to wander or judge and allow God to take charge. Lasso those thoughts and offer them up. Be a bird and only see the beauty of God's creation. Soar to heights never discovered before by letting God take the lead and allow Him to show us the beauty within. Judgmental thoughts will be washed away as we allow His perfect grace and magnificent peace rest within us.

"Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you. Give to others, and God will give to you. Indeed, you will receive a full measure, a generous helping, poured into your hands-all that you can hold. The measure you use for others is the one that God will use for you." Luke 6:37-38

We will eventually find a commonality with these strangers and our view, like that of the birds, will become unquestionably breathtaking from our own eye's view, not from a mountain top but from the ground in which our feet walk.

Take flight, let your wings soar and your eyes fixate on the beauty of each other, God's creation.

Captivating Captives

I went and did some errands today and after completing those errands somehow I ended up at the zoo. Talk about being spontaneous!!! Usually I have my list and I go from number one at the top of my list to the bottom. I usually do not go out of order as when making this list and organize my time to the minute..... sometimes..... Today took an usual turn at the zoo. I took some pictures of my favorite animals to share. This little guy, the meerkat looked so cute and innocent until someone threw some potato chips inside his area and then he got "all up in arms" and would not let his 10 other friends join in the feast. He needs to learn to share. I just wanted to pull him out of there for being such a bully. He made a fool of himself and almost did not get his picture in my blog for this needless behavior.

A Masai Giraffe showed her spots today for all to see. She had a grand appearance. Her height gave her the look of superior confidence.

Ankole Cattle look fierce but they were just head to head eating hay. Thought the picture was majestic, though. I turned it black and white so you could focus on their eyes.

I proceeded to take a picture of a paw from a Grizzly bear because the bear itself looked dead as it was lying in a deep sleep. The paw was more interesting anyway!

Then of course, the cheetah. The fast, smooth, silky looking fur of this creature made me want to climb into the cage and pet it. I didn't, of course!

This Giant Elant had the most beautiful horns. I think horns is what you call them. Hope I am not making to much of a fool of myself.

The good ole' zebra with its' un-flawed stripes. You can never go wrong with a zebra picture. My daughter wants me to enlarge this picture so she can put it on her wall. I don't know if zebras coordinate with red and yellow flowers, oh well, who cares??? She loves it, right?

I always wonder how the flamingos can stand on one leg with such great ease. Their formal name is the "Chilean Flamingo". I think these are most especially beautiful. They have such grace about themselves. The flamingo reminds me of a ballerina.

The Chilean Flamingo's colors were such a vibrant orange. I don't know if I care about all the bird poo on the ground.

The California Sea Lions seemed to swim into circles. I wonder if they get dizzy. There were three of them and they did these figure eights constantly. It was kind of sad.

I don't know this little birds formal name, but of all the animals here, I love this little bird the best. It had character and charm and I think the setting of this bird was most perfect.

I wanted you to see the beauty of these animals and I wished I could say I took these pictures in the wild in their own habitat, just not the case though.

They are captives of the zoo, held hostage behind glass windows, screens, bars or valleys of concrete filled with water for those that don't swim. By the end of my visit, my head was hanging low with sadness. I wish they could be set free. Maybe they are free because they are there. Maybe this is their second chance at life by being fed, housed and healed.

Captive: a prisoner, enslaved, dominated, confined.

I started thinking about their captivity and although their captivity is very visual, how often than not are we ourselves captives too? We can become captives to food, cell phones, clothing, cars, stuff that fills homes, drugs, alcohol, gossip and the list goes on.

We sometimes remain captive to our vices throughout our lifetime continually relying on them for an artificial happiness.

The Israelites were captives and through Pharaoh's refusal to set them free, God intervened through his powerful,miraculous way and liberated them. It took time, faith and perseverance.

Finding joy in the midst of distress. Don't worry, be happy, a song that use to be played over and over again on the radio, finally got the attention of the listeners. This song needs to be played again over and over so we will once again 'get it'.

Hunger or plenty, wealth or want, abundance or poverty are situations in which we can derive our strength from our Lord. We can remain captive or get strength from our God to strive for holiness. Holiness is in short being obedient, obedient to God. God 's abundance love for us and his desire for us to be happy is just that, a mystery. How we respond to this mystery is the key to our freedom from captivity.

Being the person that God created, loving what you do forces us out of being inhabitants of this captivity. If we do not respond to God's call we will self destruct and swim in circles like the California Sea Lions.

In the Old Testament, Leviticus 18 and 19 'I am the Lord' appears 21 times. Various rules of conduct are mentioned here to Moses and the whole Israelite community. The Lord said to Moses, "Speak to the whole Israelite community and tell them: Be holy, for I, the Lord, your God. am holy." Leviticus 19:1-2 "Do not turn aside to idols, nor make molten gods for yourselves. I, the Lord, am your God. Leviticus 19:4

God wants us to be holy and know that he is God. He does not want us to be captive to idols.

Noah and the animals became captive on an arch for a short while, but they listened to God's call and they were set free. Wanting anything other than God will set a course for us to be strickened with unhappiness and to be captives of misery and unfulfillment.

Don't worry, be happy, unless of course you see animals lining up 2 x 2.