Living Waters

The force of the water hitting the rocks is what I most wanted to capture in this picture. While standing there trying to figure out the best way to get you, the viewer, to feel the power of this water without hearing it splash upon the rocks was to climb on the rocks myself, juggle my most precious expensive camera that I can not afford to replace, pray I didn't slip on the green mossy rocks and with hopes that the moisture would not get into my camera among other things, just for you to experience what I felt and saw this one particular day. I hope you feel its' power.

Water does have power. It sustains all humans. It sustains the environment. It is life.

The gathering of clouds, the dew on the ground, the sprinkle of rain, the trickle of a stream, the flow of the waterfall, the rushing waters of the river, the magnificent size of the ocean, all powered and orchestrated by our Lord. He is the living water.

As water is essential to sustain our physical life, so too must we have our Lord for eternal life.

With that, my grand-daughter was baptized. Baptized in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. The streams of the living water will flow through her to other people. She will become a channel gifted by her God Parents to send the message of love, peace, and joy to others as she learns, accepts and gives these gifts to others through our Lord.

Her baptism was not done immediately. Four months after she was born. We were trying to make arrangements until one of her God-parents could arrive, as she is from another state. I was a little apprehensive. I wanted her baptized the day she was born. In my own little way, I quietly took holy water and blessed her in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit myself. I couldn't wait to do it at the church. I wanted her joined with the Lord immediately. I wanted the Spirit to be within her.

"But whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one Spirit with Him." 1 Cor 7:17

"One Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." Ephesians 4:5

I wanted my grand-daughter to wear the garment of Christ. I got goose bumps when she was baptized. I cried when she was baptized. It just wasn't because she is my grand-daughter, I cry and my hair raises every time someone is baptized. It must be the Spirit as the invited guest at this most blessed occasion.

As a God parent, parent and grandparent it is our responsibility to teach this little one of God to think through Him, live through Him and love through Him. I pray she receives him with open arms.

As for the water and its' power, well I believe I'm going to go get a glass. A glass of water.

Are you thirsty?

Quiet! You're in the library!

I go and sit, read,
listen, pray and
watch and
think.


There are many chairs in the library.
There are many places to sit.
I choose the most secluded spot in the library.
Three chairs. I choose the middle one.


Strategy. I think to myself.
No one will sit next to me.
I put my purse on one chair
and my books on the other.


Ready, set, write and read.
I notice a little old man wandering down the aisle.
He's wandering towards me.
He's cute, he's old, he's very old.


He has wrinkles.
He has a limp.
He has a cane.
He has a book.


He asks if he can sit in the chair next to me.
I move my purse.
I feel invaded.
He sits down and smiles.


He says "it's a lovely day."
I say "it's hot."
He says, "it's better than cold."
I say "maybe."


He wants to chat.
I don't.
He says something else to me.
I don't bother to hear him.


He repeats himself.
I'm trying hard not to listen.
He's lonely.
I'm lonely.


We chat.
We chat about nothing.
We sit.
He reads, I read. We read next to each other.


Two chairs, side by side
in this very big library.
Did God bring him to me
or me to him?


We spend several hours next to each other.
He coughs, he clears, he moans.
I cough, I ache. I wonder.
Will I too be like him one day?


I ask "what are you reading?"
He says "I'm not."
He says "I'm listening."
I ask "to what?"


He says "I listen to the voice."
I say "there are not many in the library."
He says "just one voice."
I am quiet.


He says he listens to God.
I asked him "what does God say?"
He said "God says many things,
but no one listens."


We sit.
In silence.
We sit.
I pray.


I close my eyes.
I am uncomfortable.
He prepares to leave.
He struggles.


I help him get up.
He grabs his cane.
He starts to shuffle.
He turns around.


I tell him to have a nice day.
He smiles.
I wonder.
He moves along.


Slowly he turns around.
He waves, he whispers,
"many blessings today."
"Thank You", I say.


He shuffles down the long isle of books.
Who was this man that sat next to me
in the silence of the library?
Who was he?


Ssshhhhh! Listen! God has something to say.

The writing on the wall

In 2004 I had a conversation with my mother about aging. We talked about our fears and not being able to be understood if we could not fully express ourselves. My mother was talking about my father being worried about someone laying him on his wrong side as he has a bum shoulder and has a hard time breathing out one side of his nose. My mother said she would want her teeth flossed everyday and it would bother her if her teeth didn't get flossed. I had this conversation in my head all day and it made me think about my own mortality and death and dying or just merely aging.


That evening something happened and here is an email that I sent my mother explaining the "writing on the wall" message.


Dear Mom,

It is midnight and I was in the shower, believe it or not, praying. I did not have time to do my evening prayers and my bible readings. I guess I figured since I went to church today that I did not need to do it again. Poor excuse. So, I began to pray in the shower after a full day,at the hour of midnight.


I always lead my prayers with scripture so the beginning of my conversation with God got put on the back burner until I finished my shower. At any rate, I was in the shower and I was praying or you ad dad. I was thinking about our conversation about aging and our request or worries. You know, about dad laying on his left side and all. Well, I was asking God to just take care of the both of you always and to give you peace about those issues and to assure you that he will e here for you. So, I kept praying and asking God to help be a better mom and wife and daughter. To help me teach my kids His way, not my way but, His way. To help them understand that when you get older (as I have aging on the brain) that all these material things in this world today really don't matter. Mom, you know how the kids always want me to buy them something and I can't afford it? Well, what I really want them to know is that what really matters in life is loving each other and doing God's work. I asked God to really help me because I fail in this area a lot, you know me, wanting more than I really need. So, I said to God, "am I doing a good job, how am I doing, am I on the right track??? Would you please help me God or let me know if I am doing good because I don't want to screw things up for my kids." I said, "I don't care how you let me know, just let me know in your own way if I am doing okay in this department."


I finished my prayers, it was a long hot shower. I had a pain in my neck that day and I let the water run on it extra long. When I got out of the shower it was exceptionally steamy because the water had been hot and it had been running for some time but, for some reason I glanced up and looked at the moisture covered mirror and it said, "GOD LOVES ME' 'GOD IS GREAT' and it had a smiley face on it. I guess the kids had put that on the mirror sometime ago. Maybe God had them put it on the mirror as he knew I was going to prompt him with my questions. Nevertheless, it was there, it was my sign and I truly believe God will take care of us when we ask Him to and when we can't. And as for my children, if they put that on the mirror then they are thinking about God. Another good sign!!


So mom, keep asking and having faith that God will take care of you when we age and we need our teeth flossed when we are old and when we need to lay on our left side. Somehow He'll know and He'll take care of it for us.


As for God's message, read the writing on the wall!!!

Shepherd, pasture and the sheep.

Some days I wish I were a cowgirl, boots and all. I especially consider this when getting dressed to visit city life. Now I'm not saying I don't like to get dressed up and get that pretty feeling or don't enjoy putting on make-up or wearing high heels, I just some days wish I could play in the fields. And so the saying goes, if I was a cowgirl always in the dirt and hay I would probably want just the opposite; city life.


We think the pasture is always greener on the other side.

This most recent picture I took in August was a picture of the Kansas plains. Looking at this picture makes me want this life more than anything. I feel awakened and exhilarated by just looking at it and the moment I stepped foot out of my car to take this picture I felt a sense of peace. It was a breath of fresh air.

Looking at the land and the person working the land can most definitely depict two different perspectives however, when I left Kansas to go back home I took the picture of the Kansas plains back home with me, a sense of peace. It will be a reminder to me while looking at the picture or remembering the time spent there that we too can have this sense of calm and peace in our life even if it is not Kansas.

The big wide open plains appear uncluttered and simplified. Sure, the noise of tractors and the dead of heat while bailing the hay can make for another complete set of emotions but, those effects aside, the simplicity of life, the uncluttered agendas can give each of us time to embrace the moment at hand. This is what I did while taking the picture of the Kansas plains. I embraced the moment and reflected on how I could simplify my life from city life to the life of fields.

The city life is a constant living street. It is like a stop light constantly blinking the colors of red and green. Our lives mimic the lights as we stop, go, stop, go, stop, go... and on and on. There is never really a pause. Even the street lights have a yellow light which means to pause, slow down but, does anyone really ever slow down? Do we try to quickly get through it only to encounter another one to pass through? Do we allow ourselves time to pause and reflect?

My daughter was with me when we paused and reflected while looking at the field. She was astounded by God's beauty and majesty. She took her camera and away she went, click, click, click.

"The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. In green pastures you let me graze; to safe waters you lead me; you restore my strength, you guide me along the right path for the sake of your name." Psalm 23:1-3

My shepherd did guide me to green pastures that day. He let me graze to restore my strength. He is still guiding me along the right path today, all in His name as I take the memory of this Kansas pasture and all its' beauty back home.

A shepherd always guides His sheep, but are you willing to follow?

Sitting in the Chapel

Peace....


I wonder what He wonders about when I wonder,
When I pray?
Does He really listen?
Is He tired of hearing the same voice over and over?
Does He want more, want less of me?
Do I please Him, disappoint Him?
Am I a slow learner, or slow to learn?
Does He understand why I get angry?
Does He forgive me?


My eyes are heavy.
I rest in His home.
He's resting my thoughts.
He's giving me peace.
I'm giving into His presence.
I'm not fighting Him.
I'm letting Him have His way.


I think I trust Him.
I am His child.
He is my Father.
He loves me.
I love Him
I trust Him.


No more questions.
Just Him and Me.
Together,


In peace.....

Hiding under a rock

I took a picture of these rocks while on vacation. My attention was drawn to them merely because they all looked smooth, equal in shape, surface color generally the same and although there is one rock that is chipped at the top of the picture, somehow this rock fits into the picture just right without causing too much of a distraction among the other groupings of rocks.


I have some of these rocks in my front yard, they differ in color but, they create the same sort of picture. They are bound together to create a scene that each beholder views in his or her own way.


Rocks, you say???? Well, although they are just rocks and they fascinated me at the time, I never noticed the one rock that is chipped until sometime later. Not always but, on certain days I feel like the broken rock, or that just maybe I am slowly being chipped away at the edges as I move through life. Broken and bruised by the many misgivings I allow myself to receive.


The last several months as my children went back to school, continued activities, and began anew, I felt the same. I felt chipped and broken. I wanted to hide under the rocks. I wanted to find a warm dark, safe place to hide and escape, to blend with the other rocks and fade into the background. Did I do this? Yea, a little bit and I didn't pray as much and I allowed myself to become chipped, broken and bruised by frustration, anger and temptation. Temptation to give into the darkness of uncertainty.


I ask myself all the time "why do you easily allow yourself not to trust God" and permit your soul to be chiseled away by the very darkness that could be avoided by just trusting?


It is my perception that each of us chips away at ourselves by very simply making statements by saying "I wish I could be that or this or I wish I wasn't this or that or ...." We start this process of chipping away our very beautiful selves that our beautiful and loving God created until eventually there is nothing left but to crawl under a rock and escape. We find no beauty in God's creation.


The comfort of the rocks do possess at times peace to me but, I do not want to hide there all the time. I want to look down at them and discover each and every bit of beauty in all of the rocks, even the chipped ones.


"My soul rests in God alone, from whom comes my salvation. God alone is my rock and salvation, my secure height; I shall never fall." Psalm 62:2-3


"My soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope. God alone is my rock and my salvation, my secure height; I shall not fall. My safety and glory are with God, my strong rock and refuge. Trust God at all times, my people! Pour out your hearts to God our refuge!" Psalm 62:6-9

With Great Honor

For over 20 years I have stayed at home all the while raising four children and on occasion I managed to work several temporary part-time jobs. I have worked full-time without children, worked part-time jobs with children, worked full-time jobs with children and just worked full-time raising children. My hardest job by far in my career was the over simplified title of "the stay at home" mom. There were days that my home became just 4 walls, the laughter was noise and the only thing that helped me through the end of the day was when my husband returned home from work. As romantic as it may sound that I waited all day to see him, it wasn't him that I actually wanted to see. I wanted to quickly go outside and walk. I wanted to see outside the walls of my home, I wanted to hear the birds chirp and I did not want anyone including my husband to call out my name. Just by one member of my family calling out my name usually was landed with a question which demanded some kind of answer or there was a chore or assistance needed by being connected to that word called mom."


There were times I wanted to change my name. I sometimes would dream of different names. I know that being called a mother is an honor and being a mother is a blessing, but there were those days.... On occasion I would think up names that were hard to pronounce or spell like, "agathalamatha" or "googalapusch" or pretend I didn't hear my own children saying mommy because that was not who I wanted to be at that moment in time. It didn't work. Here I am today, 22 years later still responding to the name "mom" and loving every moment of it.


Being a mother is a humbling experience and can often times be a lonely job. It is a vocation of pure love and servitude. As I reflect back on moments of the past and present in serving my husband and children I can't say it was always or is easy. It takes a fine art to have dinner ready for a hungry family, or making breakfast for them when they are half asleep, getting back packs and homework ready for school, ironing work clothes, cleaning house, picking up toys, cleaning up vomit, changing dirty diapers, managing everyones' social calender, finances, and the like and the list could and will go on forever. It is a fond reminder of serving those that you love and loving those that you serve. It is a reminder that God is part of us all and in serving them we are serving Him. I keep this very close to my heart.


I want my children to know how to serve with happiness.


Serving with happiness.


Feeling unappreciated.


Sometimes these two sentences go hand in hand and when and if they do, we begin to start the cycle of serving out of obligation not out of love. We forget to smile. Running out of the house once my husband returned home from work was sometimes my only moment of the day to breath. That breath of fresh air enabled me to begin again. I poured out many tears to the one above asking for direction, guidance, wisdom and strength in raising my children and keeping them on the right path. Yep, you guessed it, some have strayed, but prayer brought them back.


Two weeks ago my children were asked by our neighbors to care for their homes, dogs and yard as they went on vacation for two weeks. One family went to Hawaii, the other family to visit relatives and friends in several different states. My daughter watched one home and my son watched the other with a little assistance from mom and dad. It was interesting to watch them serve with love. They felt honored that both families asked them to care for their most precious belongings, animals and home. It was a small lesson of servitude. My son every morning would let the dogs out, feed them and love them and then return at noon and evening. Sometimes he would go and take a movie and watch it while the dogs laid on him so they would not feel so lonely. My daughter took care of our neighbors fish and cat, check the mail and stayed there for two weeks to make the home look lived in during their absence.



My daughter received independence for a couple of weeks, my son enjoyed a good movie without interruptions and felt loved by three lonely dogs. It took time, it took love.



1Corinthians 12: 5-7 There are different ways of serving, but the same Lord is served. There are different abilities to perform service, but the same God gives ability to all for their particular service. The Spirit's presence is shown in some way in each person for the good of all.


It is not only the time that my children spent helping our neighbors, but they received many personal lessons in return. They learned to manage their time and handling their home with loving care. An example of neighborly service is when Abraham serves strangers. Abraham is pretty special, though.


Genesis 18: 1-5 ... As Abraham was sitting at the entrance of his tent during the hottest part of the day, he looked up and saw three men standing there. As soon as he saw them, he ran out to meet them. Bowing down with his face touching the ground, he said, "Sirs, please do not pass by my home without stopping; I am here to serve you. Let me bring some water for you to wash your feet; you can rest here beneath this tree. I will also bring a bit of food; it will give you strength to continue your journey. You have honored me by coming to my home, so let me serve you."



I don't know if I could have lived in Abraham's time, I have a difficult time as it is now. Its' not like they had microwave ovens, vacuum cleaners and a kitchen sink to run fresh water. His service was hard for the three travelers and he served without expecting anything in return. He served with such happiness and zeal. And in serving he received an announcement that day that He and Sarah would be having a son. Genesis 18:10



So, my neighbor friend, in serving you, my children received.



It was with great honor!

Three's

This is my pool pump. It looks like I could pull a few weeks, straighten up some of those pebbles and put away our hose attachment when I'm finished. If life was only that easy. If those items really were the issue here. I also wished I knew how half the things work in my household. For instance, I really don't understand the concept of the pump in the swimming pool. There are all these pipes under the ground and then these pipes that stick out above the ground. My ignorance I know, but when things aren't working right I don't have the time to sit around and wait for someone to come out to fix the things that are broken and hope that you have enough in your pocket book to pay for it. There is never one straight answer. Wouldn't it be great to have a book that says to fix a pool pump the cost will be $10.00, to fix your car $20.00 and on and on no matter what is wrong with it or how badly it is broken. And yes, you have guessed it, last week my pool pump broke. The dang water in the pool isn't circulating and the pool is slowly changing colors. It's hot and sticky outside and the pool is broken. For those of you who do not own a pool, well..... I know you don't feel sorry for me, when we looked for houses this time around, the house had to have a pool or the yard big enough to build one. We are water people, not T.V. people and we eat beans and wienies just so we can have a pool. Actually, there is a sacrifice with our income to have a pool, but once you've experienced having a pool it's hard not to imagine life without another. Pools keep you cool!

Strike One.

This is my thermostat at 6:30 in the morning. Imagine what it looks like at 3:00 in the afternoon. I would have taken a picture of it at that time of the day, but I hang out at the mall now everyday from noon til 9:00pm. Our air conditioner in our house broke. It can't be fixed. Need a new one. Can't afford a new one. Situation getting worse especially since I am spending so much time at the mall in the heat of the day and spending all my money, money that should be spent on a new unit. Just kidding. The house is about 10 years old and when the house was built it was installed with a cheap air conditioner that is only to last approximately 10 years. Well, it's been 10 years for us. Go figure. It's hot in here...

Strike Two...

Next item on my list this week that drew my attention to the idea that things run in three's or things break in three's, was my refrigerator. It fell victim to being the third mechanical/electronic device/appliance that broke on my property in one week. Are you feeling my pain? I can't even feel my pain because I am numb to the fact that all three of these items have an element of cooling things down in the summer months and let me not fail to mention that all of these items are not cheap. My nice glass of cold milk before bedtime is all but history now. The frig isn't frigid anymore.

When I was a little girl I didn't have a pool, I didn't have an air conditioner in my house and my mother use to tell me how she didn't have a refrigerator. She would always remind me to shut the door quickly after opening it. Must have been something her mother reminded her about when they had ice to cool it. I guess she felt it was always necessary to remind me of her misery while growing up. Of course, my dad always reminded me of his outhouse in his back yard and having to use it in the dead of night in the dead of winter. I'm glad my toilet works, that would be misery.

What is misery anyway? No toilets??? No air, no refrigerator, and heaven forbid no pool pump to pump that cool water around in the pool. Do we have it easy or what??? Just think back about 2000 years ago where Jesus and the disciples traveled about with no cars or luggage or frequent flyer miles to expedite their travels. Think about the dust, no showers, grime and not being able to wash your hands with soap and water before eating. Some only had the clothes that they wore on their back. And in my world, not having a closet would be drastic. I just can't imagine not being able to coordinate my clothes to the weather, my emotions or how bloated I feel that day to determine my wardrobe. No bed for my head, no chair for my seat and too many other numerous items that accommodate our pleasures in life.

I've had three strikes last week. Could have been worse I'm sure. I don't doubt the big Daddy and his mighty powers to get my attention. I'm just sure that he wants me to share my misery with the rest of you so we can remind each other of our luxuries in life and these so called luxuries are just that, Luxuries. We don't need any of them to survive. The only thing we need is Christ and we need to be mindful of what he endured so that we could have such a life.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants for you in your life in union with Christ Jesus.

I AM finding joy in my misery. I watched as my husband found a way to fix our refrigerator. I enjoyed watching him find a way to fix the pump and saw joy in his proud eyes as he saved us a bundle of money. I just hope he can build us a new air conditioner at no cost, that would be pure joy, as I know that will not be possible. He is only human, he's my husband.

We will eventually have to buy an air conditioner, maybe next summer. I know now how thankful I am now for refrigerators, pool pumps and air conditioning. Never thought twice about them before. Something I took for granted. God opened my eyes. God made me think about the disciples journey in the hot dessert sun, infrequent baths, no wardrobe, no splashing in the pool and definitely no cold milk before bedtime.

There aren't 4 strikes in baseball. Only three strikes and your out. Bad things only come in sets of three. I believe God is out of strikes for me. We are on our way to recovery from this dag gun heat.

Two down, one to go......... In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit.... AMEN

Freedom

"Hey mom, when I get older, I am going to do what I want to do. I am going to eat what I want to eat and I am going to get up when I want to get up." Nobody is going to tell me what to do." This is the mind of my childs' idea of freedom.

On the fourth of July I sat in church and took refuge in the arms of my Lord. I love His embrace, to feel His presence and to see Him at work. There were many nations under His roof on the 4th. I looked around at the pews of people and saw many nations under one God. He spoke to a mass of His people in one hour. We prayed, we listened, we celebrated, we remembered, we confessed and we forgave. We believe.

Freedom is different for each of us. My freedom is celebrated each day in my home with many holy reminders. My Bible sits on my night stand, pictures on my walls of the Virgin Mary, my Lord, the angels and saints. I light candles, use holy water and kneel before my Lord in prayer. I wore my freedom yesterday as I draped my scapular around my neck, wore my Benedictine medal given to me by my grandmother, carried my rosary in my purse accompanied by my prayer book. I listen to my Gregorian chant CD in my car and use the Lord's name in my conversations with my family, friends and acquaintances. I pray publicly when I eat dinner or go to church. This is what I call freedom even though it is a little different from that of my children or maybe your idea of freedom. Although we may each verbalize it differently, freedom does gives us the opportunity to express the heritage of our country through our one Divine God.

The American Flag that hangs from the front of my home whips and flaps in the wind as it is a constant reminder to me that God is ever present as He protects this country, this one nation under God. The pursuit to this personal freedom as disciples, believers and people of faith is through our right to free expression by praying publicly, gathering as people of God, and uniting as one body of Christ. If this freedom that God has so graciously given us (the ability to worshiping Him and to be this one nation under God) is taken for granted and these freedoms are removed we will become like many others who find themselves lost with no sense of direction as the sheep are without the shepherd. The severity of this loss will be devastating.

I'm just a mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, aunt and grandma who believes that we must preserve and respect the gift of freedom as no other. This freedom is the legacy that we give our children and grandchildren. It allows us to come together as families on holidays to celebrate or to mourn at funerals but to give thanks to Him on all occasions.

The red in the American flag signifies to me Jesus' blood on the cross as a sacrifice for us to sustain freedom and love through Him. The white is the reminder of purity and holiness that we must strive to keep in our lives to be one with our Father and the blue reminds me of the Holy Spirit as He graciously guides us to Heaven through servitude to one another through love, faith, hope and belief in our one God.

Freedom: The Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

Finding my way.....

There are some days, weeks, months or years that are more demanding than others and I am miffed by how my last two weeks have allowed me to breathe without hyperventilating because the circumstances that surrounded my days seemed to have gone from one extreme to another.



I was surrounded by cheering crowds as I watched my son swim his best swim in his swimming career. I watched as strangers stood up and applauded him and I viewed his team-mates hug him for a swim well done. My legs became wobbly with nervousness during his race and jittery with excitement as he succumbed a goal well deserved. I stood on the sidelines and watched.



I celebrated my daughter's birthday. My daughter, a grown woman, a mother and a friend. We lit the candles. The room glowed. My daughter glowed. She made a wish, blew out her candles and smiled. I watched.



I celebrated my friend's birthday. She opens her heart to me and mine to hers. She's honest, she's pure, she's real. She held my hand, she closed her eyes, she prayed for me on her birthday giving thanks for our friendship. I opened my eyes and saw her sincerity, I watched.



I celebrated my birthday. I'm getting older, wiser, slower, thankful. My family gave me gifts, hugs, smiles, giggles and love. My eyes were wide open. I watched!

I have a friend who went missing. He was angry, confused, lonely and lost. I went searching, I waited, I consoled, I watched.... he was found.

My grand-daughter was fussy, she was tired, so I rocked and rocked her until her eyes fell asleep. I watched her breath in her chest, I watched her eyes flutter, I watched her lips quiver, she dreams. I watched.

My little girl started feeling ill. She said her neck hurt. Her temperature was normal. The next morning her neck pain increased. I watched her tremble in pain, I watched her temperature rise, I watched the doctors examine her, I stammered in fear, I prayed, I watched the temperature fall. I saw her smile. I watched.

My dog is sick. Her ears hurt. She shakes them with such agitation. She wants to tell me her pain. I want to listen. I hold her. I medicate her. I watch.

I went to my neighbors house for "girls night out" and much needed friendship. We gather, we share, we laugh. I thank God for my friends. I wanted the evening to last longer. They were happy and they laughed and I laughed and I watched.

My daughter wrecked our car. Second wreck in 6 months. She's frustrated, angry, embarrassed, scared, but safe. She shows her daddy the damage, her head tucked down. She waits for his response. He loves her. I watch.

I tried to find tranquility in these two weeks. My heart is indifferent, discouraged and confused, exhausted and yet somehow in all this chaos I am refreshed by the outcome of each day. Life. I sat this morning and listened to the rain and I wondered about Him. I'm perplexed by the way He transforms us, molds us, shapes us. I listen to the rain. I watch.

Psalm 139: 1-6

Lord, you have probed me, you know me:

you know when I sit and stand;

you understand my thoughts from afar.

My travels and my rest you mark;

with all my ways you are familiar.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

Lord, you know it all.

Behind and before you encircle me

and rest your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is beyond me,

far too lofty for me to reach.

I listen and I watch. I listen and I watch. He is at each juncture in my life. He is at each cross road as I am trying to find my way. He was on the cross yet I am the one in pain. I listen, he heals.

In finding my way....He shows me the way......as I listen and watch.....

He is here

He is here. How could he not be? When I look at this picture that my daughter took I think to myself, I hope my children get it that God is all around us each and every day. I hope they think about Him all the time. I hope each day they reflect about His wondrous love that He has for us and all things created. I'm sure my parents are wondering if I "get it" as they are at a different age than myself and they may experience God's grace at a deeper level. Sometimes experience sets the stage for learning and developing a relationship with God. We see and build upon our own experiences, nourishment from Him which generates our spirituality and characteristics of our person hood and friendship with God. I hope they "get it". I hope I am a good parent to them as they grow and develop into beautiful beings.


When I write or blog, my children read my writings. I used to be very private about what I wrote, for thine eyes only. I realized that just maybe God wanted to use my writings in their life by showing how God can be in every situation if we let Him. I try to see God's goodness in all situations and now I share with my children my thoughts with God. Sometimes by doing this they learn scripture, as well. I pray constantly while writing. Just now my husband came up behind me and I jumped out of my seat because I had my eyes closed, I was praying. My writings are not superior by means of being a literary genius, just a simple day to day experience with God. We have to teach them scripture. 2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for refutation, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that one who belongs to God may be competent, equipped for every good work."


As parents we have many responsibilities. The task of parenthood is daunting. Somehow, someway we have to teach them so they will understand these Bible writings from some 2000 years ago to their world. We have to relate it, express it, refer the teaching of God to them so not only do they get it, but they use it to share with others. Our role as parents is to collectively and inclusively teach and promote their intellectual, social, emotional, physical development from intimacy to adulthood. I think it even goes further than that as I rely on my parents now for all of the above, if nothing else just someone to listen to me rattle each day about my nothings. AND, most importantly, we must nourish their spiritual growth with our Lord as this is the most important! The great commandment; Deuteronomy 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone! Therefore, you shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. Take to heart these words which I enjoin on you today. Drill them into your children. Speak of them at home and abroad, whether you are busy or at rest. Bind them at your wrist as a sign and let them be as a pendant on your forehead. Write them on the doorpost of our houses and on your gates."



We went out to dinner last night. At the dinner table in the restaurant we prayed. My children used to be uncomfortable with doing this when they were at certain ages, now they don't think twice about it. We prayed and we ate and we read a blog of a family whose child had a tragic accident and in their writings they wrote about their love for the Lord as he has been at their side during this time in their life. This family has not lost hope for the life of their son, nor do they doubt God's will for them and their son. Their writings reflected severe pain, joy, hope, faith, and love for God in this tragedy. My children listened, learned and cried as we joined in their pain and understanding that God has a plan for all of us. I pray that I do not fail my children from knowing God.



Children, listen up, lesson number one, he is here, never left, never will, he loves us.

Bananas

It's not always as it seems. My daughter and I went to the movies tonight. I said I wanted to laugh. Our movie we were going to see tonight was sold out so, we opted to see another. It was funny, but it was scary too. Not scary in the horror way, but scary in the way that the anticipation of what happens next keeps you holding your breath. I sure was not holding my breath while laughing, in so much as I was holding it with fear...

When we came home my daughter asked me what I was going to do since it was getting late and I really didn't have any clue except I was tired and really wanted to retire. She told me to go blog. I asked her what she thought I should blog about (I really do not discern what I am going to blog about, prior to my writing) but I wanted to know what she had on her mind. She told me to write about bananas. Other than the fact that I really don't have anything to write about in regards to bananas, my other daughter did try to spell bananas yesterday and we were having quite the game with it by singing the letters and trying to remember how many letter A's and N's there were in the word. So, my response to her invitation to write about bananas was "I think I will let God tonight guide my mind and my heart as I go into prayer."

Do you ever have anyone ask you to pray for them or for a friend or relative? People ask me all the time and of course, I ask them as well. I don't say yes and then walk away and forget about it nor do I just pray once and stop. If someone asks me to pray for them I take it very serious. My prayer doesn't cease. I have a little book with people's names in it and I pray for people that have requested prayers. After all, all things are possible with prayer.

This week I encountered many prayer requests. I'll call my prayer requests the three "J's". Oh, you ask, 'what are the three "J's". Well, last week my very good friend ask me to pray for her husband "J"ames, my friend here in town ask me to pray for her son "J"onathan (a friend of my son's), and another good friend asked me to pray for an acquaintance of ours and friend of my son's named "J"oseph. James, Jonathan and Joseph. Biblical names.

Joseph, 11th son of Jacob, a gentle and forgiving boy sold by his brothers due to hatred, he holds a fast enduring love for God. (Genesis)

James, son of Zebedee, fisherman and trusted follower of Christ. (Matthew 4:22)

Johnathan, an wavering sense of loyalty whose convictions about morality and friendship never ceased (I Samuel 19)

These three men, maintained forgiveness, trust and love in God.

These three men and their families that I am praying for tonight have trust, forgiveness and gentleness and love for the Lord, as well.

Coincidence? Maybe, but I do believe that God in my prayer tonight made me think of these three men in the Bible and the goodness that has carried to these men today.

I ask for healing for the 3 "J's".

When I pray, I type, I swim, I sing, I dance. Tonight I read about Joseph, James and Jonathan. Tonight I prayed for healing for these men of today and thank God for the men of yesterday.

These three J's were like the letter, a fisherman's hook, fishers of men. They were always trying to do the right thing. They were trying to hook people to understand goodness. It may seem simple, but it was very difficult then as it is difficult now. Evil creeps in the way and tempts us to be persuaded otherwise.

We must never be persuaded otherwise. We must trust, love and be vigilant in our convictions about our Lord and our prayers must be relentless. Simple enough? I wish I could put the whole Bible in my writings tonight to include the struggles that these men endured or the many men and women of the Bible that encountered evil, succummend to evil and those that were courageous to have an extradorinary amounts of faith.

I'm not into bananas tonight. I'm not monkeying around. I'm serious. Let's get down to business and pray.

Go Ahead, make my day!

Most of you who are movie goers have heard the catchphrase "Go Ahead, make my day". An actor by the name of Clint Eastwood played a role in which he used this catchphrase in the movie. The movie was a far cry from a comedy, but it held the attention of many Americans who went to see it. The catchphrase took hold and people have been using it since its' release.



I generally do not like movies that don't make me laugh, but after seeing the movie myself I too sometimes use the phrase in humor.


Taken out of context, the phrase "...make my day" explains how these two cups make my day. There once was a time when I lived in a small town and there was a small gasoline station that sold Icees. Twice a week I would treat myself to an Icee and I was usually accompanied by my children. I became a regular at this station and I knew exactly when the Icees would be most pleasurable. The gasoline station sat right by the high school and and if you got there 45 minutes before the school day was dismissed and enough time before the parents came to pick up their kids, the Icees would be almost frozen solid. Sometimes the Icee machine would sputter and spit the flavored drink out because it was so frozen. Some patrons didn't like this, but I loved it! I would say to myself, "Go Ahead, make my day!!!!" and the Icee would sputter and spit into my cup and literally "make my day."


I moved three years ago away from that town that had the perfect Icee machine and Icees and I have been in search of that perfect Icee ever since. Haven't found the perfect Icee and I don't know if I will again, sometimes I have resolved myself into thinking so, but I really haven't given up hope just yet. Just yesterday my daughter and myself went to get gas and we looked at each other with hopes that they would posses our favored drink. We found to our surprise that it was probably the best Icee since the move, but a far cry from the best.


I enjoyed the Icee all year round. I didn't care if it was hotter than 100 degrees or colder than Zero, this little cup of pleasure was my treat. Once I moved to our new town I became restless, trying to find my niche in almost everything that crossed my path. I always compared my old town to what I previously had or thought I needed. Nothing was the same, of course, new town equates new experiences. I just wanted something constant in my life. Something the same and maybe the Icee would have given me that feeling of being home. Maybe not. I think the real issue that I was contending with was what was God's purpose for me here. Just when you think you know what you are suppose to be doing he switches gears on you, puts a twist in the days of your life and changes things up, so to speak. I thought I was on the upswing, moving right along, comfortable, life was calm. I am learning about Him all over again and growing with Him in a different way. Maybe He thought I was to comfortable, stagnant and He needed to spice my life up a bit.


I am always searching to find ways to be closer to God and sometimes in that search I miss the very God that I am looking for by not accepting what is present. My Icee that I searched for, slurped and shared with my daughter was not necessarily the same Icee I had in the past, but what God did give me that day was a new place and time shared with my daughter. In striving to have it all we miss the very gift that He gives, which is time.



Searching....we are all always searching. Searching to attain something greater than thou, maybe perfection. Some resort to search for it in our jobs, our children, our spouses, church, relationships, or our hobbies or even in our homes. What happens when we think we reach perfection or we attain a given goal, do we continue to look for more and start setting our standards higher? Is enough ever good enough? We strive to fulfill an emptiness in our hearts. My emptiness was the loss of day to day friendships and family, my church home and the casual day to day routines. The constancy in my day gave me time with God. The change now has me thinking too much about other things and trying to find that constancy and in doing so I loose out on the relationships and events that God presents to me as I encounter my new day.



Although I found God in all of these people and events in my life in my previous home town, I did come here spiritually hungry. The change and the hustle and bustle of the move gave me a sense of emptiness that I just couldn't fill by myself. As I reflect on life and my relationship with Him then I still today continue to search or look for the same intimacy with God in the same places with out trying to find him in the new ones. Make sense. I don't know if I really understand it.




Each path towards intimacy with God is different with each person. I believe my path is changing with God daily. Our path towards God is not black and white, but very much in the gray as we come to know ourselves through Him. I am outgrowing some of the notions and motions I used to grow through day in and day out, some by choice and others not so much. I think I am entering a new season with God with new explorations of our love for each other. Each day is new if we accept the invitation. Embracing Him in all that He is and He embracing me for all that I'm not as I search to be holy for Him.



The Lord promises to be with His people. In Exodus 33:14 The Lord said "I will go with you,....."



Come on God, lets go get an Icee. Slurp, Slurp!

Splish Splash no school at last!

In this neck of the woods, school officially ended two days ago. Parties galore, movies, picnics and games all ensued this last day. Parents were invited to join in on the fun. How could one pass up the invitation of hundreds of screaming, excited, sugar induced children and mass chaos? Why not join in on the fun? This would be ample opportunity to let go and just have fun with these little people in their uninhibited way. I accepted the invitation.

The end of year school activities began at 8:45 sharp. All the students lined up and walked a short distance to the park from the school. There were rain clouds above and the weather man insured us that there would be rain, not the sprinkle, get your hair misted kind of rain, but a torrential down pour by noon. The party was to end at 12:30, we had time. I arrived at my child's school at 10:00. I figured two and a half hours would be plenty of time to bond with my child and all the children at the park. I knew there would be many mothers and plenty teachers to share in the fun. The children were all playing in organized groups led by various volunteers at the teachers stood on the sideline trying to maintain whatever sanity they had left. I saw a spot on the sideline by my child's teacher and decided it would be an ample opportunity to share with her my appreciation of her efforts and kindness in educating my daughter. It was a good visit.

I didn't dress for the day's events in rugged t-shirts and shorts so my true intention as truth be told was to just be a presence for my daughter. Once I arrived on the field with the children it was very visible that the children were throwing water balloons and colored slushies. I steered cleared, found my spot and stayed put very close to the teachers where the children didn't dare go. I had decided previously that I would take my daughter out to lunch and to a movie after I checked her out at 1pm so, with that in mind, I put on my semi good shorts and adorned my outfit with jewelry to match. I wore my two beautiful bracelets that my children and husband had afforded me several years back and currently add to it as it is a charm bracelet. I value it as one of my most favored gifts. They select charms on Mother's Day, Valentines, Christmas and my birthday to the bracelet. Each of the children gets together and decides the charm that they will add on that specific and special day.

My anniversary just arrived and past and my husband and children bought me the most beautiful charms to add to my bracelet. I felt so special and I wore both bracelets with pride this day.

The weather man had declared rain at noon and at 11:30 it started pouring. The children started moving back to the school shortly after the first sprinkle arrived and made it back to their classroom before the buckets of rain hit the ground. I stayed behind to help clean up the park. I looked down to pick up the trash and noticed one of my bracelets missing. My heart flew into full force panic. I ran to the spot on the field where I had been standing and searched frantically, but to my demise there was no bracelet. The rain was getting harder and my small child size umbrella was not giving me much cover and the ground was saturated and filled with puddles. I opted to close the umbrella and take the end of it to search for the bracelet by poking it into the ground through the puddles all the while getting soaked. Several teachers encouraged me to come inside and wait, but I insisted that I had to find it now. Yep, you got it; they thought I had lost my marbles. They thought I was crazy. One woman said "can't you buy another one?" That comment put me into full force crying mode. I left and went back to the school and got my daughter.

Once I had gathered her and her belongings we headed back to the park and searched in the rain together. She told me she was sorry I was so sad and maybe we should pray about it together. I held her hand and we stood in the rain and ask God to forgive us for thinking that this material item was so important. We told Him it wasn't the item that we cared so much about as the loving memories that it brought to my attention when worn. We asked Him if he could guide us to the bracelet. My daughter was very comforting and wise that day. She immediately brought my attention off the bracelet and onto God. I had not yet prayed. I had not asked for forgiveness yet. I had not even prayed that morning; I was busy getting my children off to their last day of school I put God on the sideline.

God guided us to the bracelet. It was not on the filed at the park, it was not in the car, but in our home on the floor as it fell off when I had reached down to put on my shoes. We celebrated and danced that day and sang praises to God for answering our prayers. Thank you God!

My little girl took my attention off my bracelet for a moment at the park and put it onto God. Her sweet little innocent voice and loving manner calmed my nerves and made me realize that the memory of that bracelet with or without it was standing right in front of me. I reached down and hugged her and told her thank you for being there for me.

EPHESIANS 1:3-4

Let us give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! For in our union with Christ he has blessed us by giving us every spiritual blessing in the heavenly world. Even before the world was made, God had already chosen us to be his through our union with Christ, so that we would be holy and without fault before him.

LK 7:7 Ask, and you will receive...................

To focus

I'm going to tell you a secret....it won't be a secret anymore...but sometimes when I blog, okay, I mean all the time when I blog, I sit down and eat a mint. The truth be told, I eat tons of mints. I never used to eat them until about 6 months ago. I keep them at my desk and those mints along with a little bit of music, I begin to blog. My mints are refreshing and they get me going, my fingers start moving on the keyboard and the praying begins. These mints help me maintain my focus. I reward myself every little bit and eat one or two. I've haven't blogged much lately and I have been missing my mints. These little tasty round balls of sugar are delightful once they hit my taste buds. They quickly melt in my mouth leaving a refreshing taste. I'm not sure how many calories they have and I am not going to look now, but by the end of my blogging session I usually down a handful of them, or more.

My son is focused without mints. He gets up everyday at 4:30 and leaves the house by 5:00 to go swim for 2 1/2 hours, goes to school all day and then returns back to the pool and swims again for 2 hours. Just because I am an adult doesn't mean I know all or know more than him. Sure, life experience counts, but I was never as focused as a young individual as he is now. He knows something that I don't and that is how to focus and maintain the focus to achieve your goals.

I think he sees the big picture down the road with his hard work and dedication. He just got back from a training program, all expenses paid, the first step of three in a process of grooming a talented individual for the Olympics. Now don't get excited, he's not going to the Olympics yet because he still has some growing and more hard work ahead of him, but the 'big dogs" have taken notice of him and sent him away to train him at their cost. They tell him to start thinking about being on "TEAM USA". They tell him it is all mental at this point because he has the skill and talent, now he has to focus on the goal. Sound simple, no way. It's as hard as heck and he doesn't even eat mints.

I try to think back about what I was doing at that time in my life and all I can remember was thinking about trying to figure out a way to pass a test without studying, how I could pass on my chores to my brother and sister and watching after school programs on T.V. (which at my age, there weren't many). I try to place myself in his situation and I know I would fail miserably because it takes a very talented individual and someone who is focused enough to utilize the God given talent in a Godly way. He is very humble by the way, his mother is not so much. She is just proud of his accomplishments and his character and is happy for him.

Most people that know my son care very much about him. He is a friend of everyone. I also have never heard a foul comment come out of his mouth about anyone. If there is fault with a person, he excused them and moves on. Forgiven. Done!

I have learned a lot from my son. God has blessed me greatly!

One day while picking my son's brain I asked him what he thinks about when he gets ready to perform. He said he thanks God for letting him be there and to just help him do his best. I know I was not as mature at his age as he is now because I would have probably prayed asking God to help me win. Maybe that's why I wasn't where he is now. My thoughts were selfish, his are not. He gives glory back to God and thanks Him.

My son is still a young teen and doesn't always pick up his dirty laundry, feed the dogs and so on...however, one thing that I know is that he knows his talent that God gave him was given to him as a gift and can be taken away and he is grateful and gives his talent back to others through his smile, encouragement to others and love for his family by thanking us constantly.

Matthew 25:29 (PLEASE GET YOUR BIBLE AND READ THIS PARABLE IN ITS' ENTIRETY) "For to every person who has something, even more will be given, and he will have more than enough; but the person who has nothing even the little that he has will be taken away from him." In translation, I believe for everything that God gives us we must utilize it in His name and if we do we will have abundance and for those who are unfaithful, even what little they have this too will be taken away due to their fear and lack of trust in the Lord. We must remember to be focused on God in everything we do!

3 Mints equals 60 calories

26 and counting

Last year was our 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't celebrate. We didn't open gifts or cards or say 'Happy Anniversary". We were both sad about a situation in our lives that drew attention away from this happy day. We were contending with a situation that was holding our hearts hostage. It was a sad month. We were "putting out a fire" so to speak. The fire needed our attention more than our anniversary, so we thought at the time.



Sometimes I think I would have been a good fireman/woman in another life. I've had to put out many fires in my lifetime and lately I've had quite a bit of practice.



This year ny husband and I celebrated 26 years of marriage, plus an additional 4 years of dating (30 years we have been together). We opened each others cards from last year on our anniversary this year. It was kind of weird opening cards that sat on our desk for a full year, but I believe we needed to revisit that moment in our lives that demanded so much attention.



We went to eat at a restaurant that has outdoor seating, very casual and a little place where kids can go and play in the sand outdoors. Of course we didn't take our kids and they certainly wouldn't play in the sand at their ages now, however we feel comfortable in a setting like this were we can go and relax and just plain be ourselves. No pretenses. We didn't plan it either. We both came home from work and said 'lets go get a bite'. I think deep down we were afraid we were going to loose this day as well if we set ourselves up with the planning. My heart was still healing from the previous year. We weren't sure how to go forth and make up an anniversary especially when we missed the number 25 and here we were at 26. Do you pretend you didn't miss it or just move to number 26? I didn't get him a card this year because he still hadn't opened his card I had given him on our 25th. Was the message the same? I couldn't even remember what I had wrote and as it turns out he couldn't either. Everything was out of order. But we laughed at the idea. and the mix up, a year later.



Love is a funny thing I guess. We are constant in each other's lives. Our love has been challenged many times. We've even gone the route of counseling, not speaking for weeks at a time and we actually endured not speaking to each other for almost a month. Anger got the best of us. I think God did us both a favor by humbling our lips. Too much could have been said that didn't need to be said and God saved us from the possible demise of our marriage. Not speaking for a month was a lot cheaper than going to a counselor, but I also believe it was a lot harder. Some may say we took the high road and got off easy by not listening to each other and dealing with issues. I think we needed time. Love is constant!



My husband bought me a card on our 26th anniversary. I did not buy him a card. My husband bought me flowers. I didn't buy him flowers. My husband bought me gifts. I did not buy him any gifts. My husband said he understands because he loves me. I love my husband.



In 26 years of marriage we have......
1. 4 children
2. we've lived in 11 homes
3. sickness beyond belief
4. been a member to 7 different churches due to moving
5. lived in three states.
6. mourned the death of family members
7. had too many jobs.
8. 26 Christmas'
9. 26 Easter's
10. Many blessed friendships
11. 26 birthday cards
12. 26 anniversary cards
13. too many fish
14. 6 dogs
15. 2 cats
16 2 birds
17. 21 cars
18. broken bones and surgeries
19. vacations
20. forgiveness
21. not enough money
22. 25 tax returns
23. lots of fights
24. lots of making up
25. one missed anniversary


Colossians 3:12-17 "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And what ever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."


#26. TWENTY SIX years of LOVE!!!

On Eagle's Wings

Today I wanted to soar high in the sky and let go of all the issues that life presents. I wanted to fly like an eagle, spread my wings and soar to a distance never traveled. I am scared of heights but today I didn't want to be afraid because I wanted to do something different today and pretend I wasn't me. I was me, I didn't change, still here and no I did not ride on an eagle's wings. That was just my brain going in another direction because I didn't want to be accountable today, to me or to anyone. My life was pressing for my attention so my day was normal with the exception of the darkness.

I got home today after work and gathered my swim suit and went and swam the line. I tried to let my thoughts go, tried to pray, but there were so many things holding my thoughts captive. I thought the swim would release my mind from the hold that the darkness has on me, but it didn't happen. After the swim I went home and gathered my walking shoes and camera and went for a stroll. The only picture I felt worthy of posting was the path above. I did manage to take a picture of a dog that did his business on the path, but I am kind enough to spare you of this image. I also took a picture of a fire hydrant where the dog should have done his business, but didn't post that picture either.

Accountability: To be accountable.

I think relief is short lived no matter how you think of the word. I think we get relief from knowing that we surpassed something that had a hold on us, whether it be our minds, bodies, jobs, or just day to day annoyances. I feel it is good to be accountable to ourselves and to a special someone. Sometimes I share with my friend my difficulties in life in hopes that she will just say I am justified for having those feelings and sometimes she does and other times she puts it plain and simple and tells me to snap out of it and move on. I think today may have been one of those days I should have moved on but the darkness has a strong hold.

It is good to take inventory of our thoughts and feelings and share them with someone who will listen. It kinda helps put things into perspective and it is also cheaper than counseling. Today I thought my thoughts were unworthy of sharing. As I reflect, I think I should have shared.

After my walk I grabbed my Bible and read and read. I read Psalm 91:1 the assurance of God's protection. There is a song sung by Michael Joncas "On Eagle's Wing" that is about this verse in Psalms.

The song goes like this:

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,

bear you on the breath of dawn,

make you to shine like the sun,

and hold you in the palm of His hand.

On certain occassions we sing it at church but today I read the verse.

Psalm 91:1-6

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of Almighty,

will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God, in who I trust."

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence;

he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day,

or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destrucion that wastes at noonday.

I had an awareness of my inadequacy today. As soon as I thought I had mastered one set of my life's issues another one pops up and challenges me once again. Just when I could account for one matter and relief appears, chaos begins again. God is keeping me on my toes. He doesn't waste any time. He keeps me coming back to Him, he is trying to make me accountable. If life was easy would I go to Him as often? In answering that question, I would hope I would say yes and I do feel that I go to him each day and thank him for all my blessings, but I find that in the chaos I tend to go to him more to try to seek peace and answers and comfort. I mean, who goes to and pays for a counselor when life is grand? In the midst of these difficulties it is hard to see the blessing. I know these are blessings, in retrospect.

I know God can brighten up the dullest of gray days and I know I allowed my mind to deterioriate in the darkness today. Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow I am going to step around the dog poo, or better yet, jump over it or scoot it aside so the next persons doesn't have to deal with poo on the path.

God is the light of my path even when someone craps on it.

REWARD!!!

Not so long ago, I had several trees taken out of my yard. Our yard is not lacking trees, we have plenty, however the ones we had taken out had issues or I had issues with them. One tree was dying and the other tree was hanging over our pool continuously dropped its' leaves and bark at the bottom of the pool making a mess. We spend more time cleaning the pool than we do swimming in it. There is no guilt about the tree removal.

I hired some yard men to take out the trees. Note, I said "yard" men. They do a good job at the neighbors yard and they had all the tree climbing equipment so I figured they knew what they were doing in regards to tree removal, as well. One of my neighbors discouraged me from using them because they were not insured and my daughter thought my decision to use them was somewhat reckless. I was looking at the cost of the removal and these men were cheap.

After many prayers before and during the removal, the trees were successfully removed. I wrote them a check and off they went.

Two days later the tree men came back knocking on my door. They informed me they had lost my check. They wanted me to write them a new check. They assured me that they did not know where the check was and they really needed the money. Red flags started waving in the air. I started to think that maybe my neighbors' and my daughters' concern was justified. I did not know these men and I sure was not going to write them another check. English was their second language and we had difficulty understanding one another. They were frustrated and I was cautious! I told them I would have to go to the bank and put a stop payment on the check and wait a week before I could rewrite them a new check. They didn't understand and I didn't know how else to explain the delima that I was in, as well.

They left and I went indoors replaying their conversation in my head trying to figure out if they were sincere. My heart wanted me to just trust them but my brain said 'wait'. I waited.

The next day I received a phone call from a man claiming that he worked at a car wash and found a large check with my name on it. He told me when he would be working at the car wash the next couple of days so I could pick it up. The address he gave me did not register on my 'Garmin' and according to all calculations the address was about 45 minutes away from where I lived. If this man had my check I wanted it back. He too only spoke small amounts of English, we had a language barrier. He did not understand that he could just mail the check to me, oh no, I had to come get it according to him.

This morning my daughter and myself load up in the car and we drive to an undisclosed location. We were just aware of the vicinity of where I was to pick up the check. We stopped at many car washes and each time we stopped I had to explain to the attendant what I was looking for and to my dismay all of them thought I was a crazy. We were almost out of gas and the road was leading us no where. I think I resolved myself that I had been duped. My mind started wandering thinking maybe I was going to be kidnapped, robbed or my car was going to be car jacked. I was thinking other things too, but I am too embarrassed to write it down. Our last and final stop at the end of town was at a small car wash with two barely English speaking attendants. When I drove up and told them my situation they smiled and walked to their car. I started getting nervous. They had my check. He handed it politely to me and said 'have a great day'. That was it, 'have a great day'. Now I had almost drove 1 1/2 hours to get my check and nothing else happened except 'have a great day'. This was just too simple. Where's the action??? My imagination over imagined. I was told to just 'have a great day'?

Once I had the check in my hand I went to get some money out of my billfold and as usual it was empty. My daughter handed me $5.00 and I gave it to the man and told him to spend it on his lunch. He too looked at me like I was crazy. He just smiled and told me to have a good lunch. I tried to hand it back to him and he insisted that he didn't need it. I insisted that I needed to give it to him for helping me out of such a dire situation. We both smiled, he took the money and I left. We drove home.

Such craziness in my head. First, I thought the tree people were trying to get more money out of me and then I thought the person who found my money was tricking me. My thoughts sometimes get out of control. To much T.V. for someone who doesn't watch T.V.

I also feel I have done a disservice to the men who cut down my trees. I over reacted with my thoughts about them. My mind wandered, thought the worse and then some. Once I found the car wash where the man had the check my mind worried some more.

God promises in 1Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you".

My lesson today is that I should not have given into evil thoughts about the tree cutting men nor should I have worried about the man who handed me my check once found. If I could just give my worries up to the Lord I could have had a nice drive to my destination with my daughter today versus a frantic one.

God provides, will we accept his reward?