Passion: A strong feeling about something which could be enthusiasm, excitement or possibly anger that causes you to act in a certain way. A conviction or emotion (which there are many) about something or someone in particular.
I'd like to think that I have many passions, some of which I have denied myself lately. One of those passions that I have denied most recently is the ability to find time to sit, think, pray and write. It (writing) has become frozen in time, a ramification if you will, due to many unforeseen circumstances that have positioned themselves more important in my life.
My attention has been directed towards my family and all of life's precarious events which brought about many twists and turns in my journey towards God. I don't believe I disregarded my passion for writing, it just became less important or perhaps I put less emphasis on it in a certain moment in time.
In my journey with God, I have staggered, clambered and hobbled in my moments of despair with Him and with the many obstacles that were brought into the life of my family. Walking with God would have been much easier in these really challenging moments, and I can say, I did walk with him at times, but I also chose to adventure away from Him. I'm not proud to address my weakness. Admitting my weakness is humbling and in addressing my weakness I become vulnerable and in that vulnerability I am confronted with the very pain that that made me turn away.
I am a mother. A mother four times over. A mother that loves her family with a genuine passion. A passion that is so deep, so misunderstood, so raw that the only one that could possibly understand my passion is my God. When my children hurt, I hurt. When my children laugh, I laugh. In all the emotions of a child, young or old, a mother feels it twice. God feels it too. We are His children.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
I read this verse very slowly. And each time, at different times in my life, I try to understand the depth of His love for me and you. I know without a doubt that when I am in pain, God too is in pain. When I am smiling, he smiles, as well. He is my Father as is yours. My children do not understand the debts of my pain when they are in pain and joy that I have when they are happy. I do not understand the pain and joy I give God.
For now, I am sitting, writing and praying once again to my Father, letting him know that in all my pain and joy I too love him.
