The grade

Today I administered a standardized test to high school students to ascertain if they will qualify to earn college credit on various courses offered in their high school during their junior and senior year. It is basically a performance test. A test of their current knowledge of the subject matter. Will they ace it with flying colors, will they score in the average range and be close enough for the cut offs for the class or will they fail miserably? Regardless of the score, there is stress at all levels. They have their own individual expectation of themselves, the expectation of their peers, teachers and family. It's all about the test and demonstrating a passing performance.

Tests, tests, and more tests!!! I hated tests when I was younger and the feeling has yet to be resolved because just the thought of taking a test brings on an unimaginable amount of undo stress. Testing for me results in anxiety, apprehension, nervous tension, worry and alarm, which I believe all of these words conjure up the same feeling. I think I question my ability to have enough information to pass (that may have to do with self esteem) or I just hate being put under the microscope. I feel as if my whole person is in question during an examination, not just the subject matter.

We rely on tests for everything. We begin when a women is pregnant by measuring her abdomen to establishing appropriate weight gain and measuring the distribution of weight in determining the size of the baby. The woman is constantly tested bi-weekly for such measurements and depending upon how many weeks she is pregnant she maybe tested with blood samples and the like and upon the delivery of the child, it too under goes numerous tests to make sure it meets the standard protocol of development. As the child grows and develops they are tested in school academically, socially and physically and thereby also meeting medical standards, as well. Once we become young adults we take a series of tests which include; drivers tests, personality tests, aptitude tests, career tests and the list goes on. As we merge into adulthood we are tested at jobs and as caretakers. We must demonstrate under such scrutiny in each area of our lives the ability to perform at a certain level deemed necessary to be "normal" or successful.

We have graduations, receptions, ceremonials, formal dinners and the like for meeting such standards once we've passed.

I wouldn't want to be in high school right now. It seems that they have many more tests now than in my day. Kids today are a new generation and as a result they have more to learn. There is more information. As I was walking by a student taking the test I noticed his computer said math portion. When did the alphabet become part of math? Hummmm. Just maybe I might pass math.

So, what are the reasons behind the test and why are there so many? I think the very first test in time was the test given to Adam and Eve and the testing thing just went down hill from there. We had to try to keep testing each other so that we could try to get it right. We'll never get it right. The apple has a big bite in it and the bite has been swallowed.

God has been testing us for a long while. His testing didn't end with Adam and Eve. There are many stories in the Bible about tests. There was one big test at the very beginning of the Bible when God commands Abraham to offer Isaac as a sacrifice to God. Can one really begin to know what God was asking of Abraham? The love between God and Abraham was so intense! Genesis 22: 1-15

Then are passages about those passing the tests of trials in James 1:12. "Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him." My favorite passage, James 1:2-8 "My friends, consider yourselves fortunate when all kinds of trials come your way, for you know that when your faith succeeds in facing such trials, the result is the ability to endure. Make sure that your endurance carries you all the way without failing, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind."

Testing: a means of trial.

Life: A big test of time.

All this testing, tests my patience!

Holy Reminders

While at work today I excuse myself to visit the ladies room. Upon entering I see a line of ladies waiting for their turn. I noticed that everyone was watching one particular lady at the front of the line. She was standing there splashing water on herself, taking paper towels and getting them wet and rubbing her body with them. She would continue the procedure until her whole body was cleansed, including her feet which she put into the sink. I wished at that moment that I could join in on the foot cleansing because my feet ached and cold water seemed to appeal to me and my feet with hopes of relieving some foot pain. I didn't though, put my feet in the sink, because one person doing this drew enough attention in the ladies room without me having to roll up my pant legs and joining in on the fun.



All the ladies in the room I'm sure, not excluding me, were wondering what she was doing. Some were rolling their eyes and some were whispering. I thought she was a brave woman doing what she was doing because it was not something that you encounter too often. I believe the women in the room wanted to address the situation but were not quite sure how to begin or conjure up the nerve to do so, so the room remained quiet.



Or at least QUIET UNTIL.......I became the first in line for the next opening of a restroom partition. My initial thought was that this lady must have an unfortunate home life or be possibly transient and she just stopped in for a quick bath. I probably watch to many movies considering what I eventually discovered of this young lady.



The Awe Ha moment finally came into focus when I offered to help her pick up her soiled paper towels off the floor. I asked her if she was okay considering that she was splashing water on herself, was she hot, flushed, should I call someone???? Those were all questions that needed to be asked, or so I thought. She kindly spoke to me and apologized for the mess, but continued to informed me that she was cleansing her body as she was preparing to go into prayer. She explained that certain times of the day she must cleanse so she can pray with a clean body, a clean mind and a clean spirit. She prays seven times a day at a certain hour. She is from Pakistan.



Here is the other Awe Ha moment.... I should have known better. It just goes to show that I am or maybe we all are sometimes in our own little worlds thinking everyone thinks like us. This is America, different people, different faiths. I should have known. Now I do.


I am no longer in the front of the line as I am now in my personal partition, hiding and feeling like a stupid idiot. Okay, I get it.




I started thinking, maybe I shouldn't think so much, however after that moment I started reflecting back on my childhood as my grandparents prayed at different hours of the day, seven times a day. When I would go visit my grandparents on the weekends they would have us pray with them. It didn't matter what we were doing, we stopped, we got out our prayer books and we prayed. It all started coming back to me. In my world, this is called the 'Liturgy of the Hours'. Most people of my faith only pray several times a day in this fashion now, the world is to busy, to fast paced, but the devout ones pray seven times. I was thinking, here I go again, that just last weekend I really wanted to increase my prayer time and I had actually thought about this form of prayer. God knows I need more prayer in my life.



We all have our traditions and holy reminders. As I was leaving the ladies room I grabbed a hold of my necklace which is a medal or cross of St. Benedict. St. Benedict had a deep faith in the Cross and worked miracles with the sign of the cross. His devotion to the cross gave rise to a medal with his image on it holding a cross in one hand and a tablet with the rule of the monks in the other. The rule was simply "Walk in God's way with the Gospel at their side". They too prayed seven times a day. This medal helps remind us to pray for strength in times of temptation. A Holy Reminder.



Wearing my necklace fosters an expression of my faith an a devotion to God and the saints. It is a Holy Reminder to me to pray and give thanksgiving. The words in Latin by St. Benedict on the medal reads " May we be strengthened by his presence in the hour of our death!"



I have lots of St. Benedict medals. Two of my medals were my grandparents. When they died I asked for their medals. I treasure them with childhood memories of their devout faith to God and their example of life that they passed onto me. I have since collected many more St. Benedict medals from Benedictine monks, blessed by them and will eventually be passed down to my children.



I wonder if the young woman in the ladies room was wondering what my medals represented? I wonder if she knew that I too have prayed 7 times a day. I wonder if she knows what an impression she left on me today.



I was very inquisitive.



She was very devout, seven times a day.

Mary and Martha

Some mornings I may take off to work a bit more slower or later than other mornings and in doing so I encounter a long line of cars outside my neighborhood waiting for the train to switch tracks or to merely pass by.


When you are in a hurry, or so it seems for me, the train seems to take for ever to pass when in all actuality it only takes a mere 3-8 minutes.


These trains like every other mode of transportation serve a very important purpose for humanity, whether it is transporting goods and products or us.



The train comes to a stop and it creates a loud screeching noise, a friction on the tracts. Actually my own car makes that noise when I come to a stop and probably now would be a good time to get that checked out. Back to my point..... Friction......agitation, grating, resistance and discontent...all from a train.


On these slow going mornings, the train irritates me. I find that even though I thought I had enough time to squeak in another cup of coffee I am paying for it dearly at the train tracks. I have discovered that while I thought I had patience I may not have as much as I thought especially when I am in a hurry.


I drive long distances to work everyday and I try hard to maintain the speed limit but sometimes you find that special someone who goes just under it by 5mph. My patience is gone. There it goes, straight out the window. I go around them and sometimes people go around me. There used to be a time when the highway speed used to be 55mph and now it is 70 with people going 80 or 85.


What is happening to us? We have a sensation of urgency to speed, rush, be hasteful, and race to the finish line. We do this at all costs just so we can get those items off our agendas and create new ones. Why do we have this sense of urgency?


I found myself the other night after 10 hours of work, children homework, dinner and table talk that I was extremely exhausted. I tried to pray before bed time but discovered I was rushing through my prayers and my heart and mind was not there. So, in my exhaustion I prayed "God you know where I'm at physically, mentally and spiritually and you know what I need, please forgive for everything and thank you for everything, AMEN. The next morning as I began my prayers it dawned on me that the previous day I gave myself to everyone else, but HIM with the exception of 10 seconds of uninterrupted prayer time.


This morning I asked for forgiveness.


My father use to tell me as a child and young adult to 'take time to smell the roses!" It's an old saying, but it is something that has stayed with me for awhile. Last year when he came to visit he brought me roses for my flower garden. I look at those roses when in bloom and say a prayer for him.


Do we really need to RUSH? Are the agendas so important that we need to drive fast, get irritated and shorten our prayer time with God?


Think about it....Mary and Martha in the Bible. Jesus comes to their home to visit. Mary sits at Jesus' feet, Martha rushes around and cleans and cooks. There's no time. She must keep moving. There's just no time. Mary invites Jesus in her heart, Martha's to busy. Is that what is happening to us that our agendas are more important? Do we find ourselves to busy for Jesus? Are the earthly items on our list more important?


Luke 10:41 Jesus says: "Martha, Martha! You are worried and troubled over so many things. but just one is needed. Mary has chosen the right thing, and it will not be taken away from her."

Jesus wants us to stop, listen and pray. He wants us to learn like Mary. He doesn't want us to rush around and forget about Him.


Jesus has a lot to teach and tell us so we can be excellent servants here on earth. If we don't listen how will we know how to serve each other? Surely by being angry at the train conductor for going to slow or the person in the car next to us does us no good. We simply endanger our neighbor and ourselves. Is this what God wants for us?






Today, this blessed day, I am going to take time and smell the roses! Choo, Choo!

Gentleness

I

I awoke this morning with my son delivering a plate of waffles and strawberries to my room. It was a perfect Saturday morning wake up call. My schedule was to be jammed packed today with this and that and more of this and a little more of that. I was not sure how I was going to squeeze anything else into my overflowing itinerary. It's raining outside today and the 'this and that' are going to have to wait. I am glad it is raining today. My son's masterpiece was made with love this morning. His gentle spirit calmed my to do list today. His calm spirit calmed my frenzied spirit. I'm so glad he fed me breakfast.

I have had a dry spell in my writing lately. I have allowed the hustle and bustle to confiscate my life. My life has literally been hijacked. I am spinning out of control. As I conjure up the nerve to suppress the idea that all the items on my list in fact do not need to be done today I find myself in an unhappy place. I want control. I want order. I want things to get done and yet here I am writing while I could possibly be striking off one of those items off the dreaded list. Writing helps. Writing puts all my ideas in perspective. It's prayer. I need prayer. I need God.

Being frenzied is not good. For in this day, I will resolve to let God love me and I will enjoy His peace. As I type these words it is hard to let go and yet my spirit wants to resolve itself of all of life's issues, problems and demands. I want the Lord to be my only circumstance in my life, so why is it so hard? I write about this so often that I feel my journal is becoming redundant. For today I am carrying the weight of the burdens I love instead of my Lord. It seems that my happiness this moment is contingent on whether or not I can make those around me happy. I resolve that I can't. I acknowledge today that I can't change, or fix or heal those around me but I can guide them towards God. This much I do know.

He promised that if I lean on Him I would find comfort and peace. I feel I am the leaning tower of Pisa.

John 14:1-2 "Do not be worried and upset," Jesus told them. "Believe" in God and believe also in me. There are many rooms in my Father's house, and I am going to prepare a place for you. I would not tell you this if it were not so. "

Imagine that the Lord is preparing a place for all of us, including not excluding all of our strengths and of course our weaknesses. When I read God's word and try to absorb that He means me, my heart goes tender. There is such gentleness in His words. I wish I were so gentle. I wish I could remember these words when all of this "earthly stuff" gets in my way of the Lord. I try to imagine what it would be like to just totally trust Him so this 'stuff' doesn't interfere with me and Him. I try to imagine how frustrated he must get when he has to repeat Himself to me just so I can get it for the gazillionth time.

When I had children I thought everything would be rosy or at least peachy! I thought if I show my children the way of the Lord they would listen and follow my lead. I thought they would always follow His lead. I thought about but forgot about temptation. I thought they could resist. Temptation is powerful. God is more powerful. I thought my Lord would not let me down. My Lord didn't, but my children did. I thought that I could fix things, I thought wrong. It is not for me to fix, it is up to my Lord. Our Lord has a room for us and the door is open, will we walk through it? Will they? Will you?

The gentle spirit of my son gave me calm in the storm.

The waffles were good. The LORD is better!

Countdown..... EASTER

LOOK at them eggs! My children loved their eggs that they colored. I was kinda hoping there would be a pretty purple one in the bunch. That is my favorite color, purple. Maybe one purple egg just for me??? Pretty please? Please don't make me go without a purple egg this year. Hello out there....echo, echo... Did I tell you purple was my favorite color? Purple, violet, fuchsia, lavender, lilac, orchid, plum. They are in the final preparations. Preparing their hearts and spirits for starting over.

I didn't color eggs or you would see purple and lots of it. You would see hot pink too! I like their eggs. I wished I had colored eggs. I want to start over.

Today was gloomy. The sun was shining but I was gloomy. My heart was heavy for my Lord. I think it is going to be a beautiful day tomorrow. The countdown has begun. Only a little while before we begin anew. Life. A new day. A new beginning. Easter.

Its' hard not to notice all the new blossoms on God's earth. Flowers blooming and the trees and grass are all vividly green. The moles are digging their lumpy trails in my yard and the birds are chirping a new song this time of the year and digging for worms. The squirrels are racing up and down the bark, chewing the last few pine cones and making a mess on my driveway. The bunnies will be out in the morning hiding eggs and the girls will be all spruced up in their shiny shoes and dresses and the boys will be sporting new hair cuts and dress pants only to be grass stained in a matter of an egg hunting moment. I see faces smudged with chocolate, hands colored from melted jelly beans and kites flying, parents laughing and food galore. A celebration.

He loves us immensely! We are His children. I am His child this day hoping to find that beautiful egg lying in the green grass too. I am His child taking care of His other children. He graced me with life. I want to celebrate. I thirst to see color of a new day and to feel the joy of the colors. I want Him to understand how much I love Him and how much I want to please Him. He is my Father, my Heavenly Father. I want others to understand how much He loves us

.

We are going to have a party for Him. We are going to celebrate. We are going to celebrate life. To forget about yesterday and begin again. We are going to take a deep breath of life and relax in his arms this Holy Day of our Lord.

A moment of silence. He is risen.

He has come to give us life. He loves us. Let the party begin. I close my eyes and I see color, the color of the eggs. I see gathering of families big and small. Laughter, no more tears. The chimes of the church and the taste of the bread of life are in the forefront of my mind.

John 6:33 "For the bread that God gives is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." John 6:35 "I am the bread of life, those who come to me will never be hungry; those who believe in me will never be thirsty."

Happy Easter!